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I cry out and shake my head, afraid that whatever light within my soul that attracted him might be in jeopardy. I can’t control my racing thoughts and mind. It doesn’t help that Lucian remains stiff on the floor in silence.
I just don’t understand him. I don’t understand what the Hell was the point of this.
I hurt on every level. My body, mind, and soul. I never wanted to be this person, but here I am, scaring angels and whipping Lucian. He did this to me. He got too far under my skin, and I don’t know how to move forward. What if this moment cemented my eternity? What if I can never get Zade to join us? My actions and fury toward Lucian might’ve just changed everything. Maybe this is what he wanted all along.
“Leave us.” Lucian’s sharp voice rings through the air. “I would like a moment with Raven.”
Dante fists his hand. “The fuck we’re going to let you. She—”
“It’s okay, Dante. I want to hear him out. I know you won’t be far, and I’ll try to stay open for Micah if I need him.” I open and close my hand, Lucian’s mark on my palm glowing from using the fire chain.
Dante hisses and shoves his boot into Lucian’s side, flipping him over onto his bleeding back. I wince, the lashes cutting across his formerly smooth skin bad enough that I can imagine how painful they are. Lucian’s soft grunt proves as much.
“Try anything stupid and it’ll be me who holds the whip.” Dante knocks Lucian with his boot again for good measure. Maybe now Lucian will learn just how psychotically protective my devils can be.
Micah and Dante have to pull Kase with them, because he gathers his red Hell power, ready to chuck it at Lucian, even injured on the floor.
Groaning, Lucian trembles as he rolls back to his side, leaving small bloodstains on the floor. “You proved me wrong, Raven,” he mutters, propping himself up on his elbow. “I didn’t think you had that much Hell in you. Your light is as deceptive as I am. We’re more alike than I realized.”
Ugh. The last person I want to be compared with is Lucian. “We’re nothing alike. You pushed me into this. I don’t get off on punishing people relentlessly like you. I just want you to stop being—well, you. Being a dick to me is one thing, but when you threaten the people I care about—I will figure out how to make you stop.”
“We’re going to continue to go round and round until I wear your soul out. You feel that darkness inside you, darkness that everyone thinks belongs to me, but it’s all you. Soon enough, you will realize and accept it. I saw it last night. I saw it today. That darkness is what makes us alike. You haven’t lived long enough to truly embrace it.” Lucian turns his head and finally meets my gaze instead of staring at the ceiling. “You could be the ruler of Purgatory, but you could also be so much more.”
“I’m not on a power trip. Why can’t you understand that? You think you can manipulate me to do whatever you want. You think you could come here and suddenly steal control from Kase and Dante, who’ve been trying to finish what you all started together. I want to know why. It’s more than what you say it is, and I know it. If you wanted my soul so badly, you should’ve just listened to everyone. Now instead of having your brethren surrounding you like you originally wanted, you have enemies.” I rest my chin on my knees. “You’re just as alone as you were bound to Hell.”
“You say that as if I don’t enjoy being alone.” His eyes flicker with fire. He’s lying, and we both know it.
“I don’t even know why I bothered giving you an extra moment of my time after this. Why you would want it? I just beat the fuck out of you. If I were you, I’d leave and never want to see me again. You really are twisted.” I start to push to me feet, and Lucian jerks out his hand and grabs me by the wrist.
Panic squeezes my chest at his strength, but then he loosens his fingers and surprises me by twining our hands together. I’m too shocked to do anything. I shouldn’t allow him to. I mean, it’s in the contract that he can’t steal my affection which is why it came to this. But for the first time ever, his features soften and the Hell vanishes from his eyes. He looks mortal—no, he looks angelic.
“I know I’m fucked up. That’s what happens when you’re bound to the place where the darkest souls end up. In Hell, humanity is gone. Humanity only lies in this realm.” Lucian scrunches his brows, sitting up. “And even then, it’s hard to find light. I tend to swallow it up and destroy it.”
“You’re a black hole,” I murmur.
“I was once known as the Morningstar.” His dark eyes soften in the corners, and he offers me a smirk. His handsome features hold my attention. I haven’t had much time to truly study Lucian. Now that I do, I can’t help myself from taking advantage of it. It’s like all those times I’ve watched documentaries about serial killers. My fascination as to why they do what they do and how they manage to act as if their lives are normal...fuck. This has to be unhealthy, wanting to know Lucian in hopes to figure this out. He doesn’t deserve my brain space like those monsters on TV. Yet here I am...
I sigh. “Lucian, what am I really doing here? What is it you hope to gain by this conversation? I’ll never forgive you or do what you want because of what you’ve done. Elias is alone and sick. He’s dying. I don’t care if you did it to make me fail. What I care about is him and how he deserves better than to die like that. He’s my soulmate.”
“He’s also the reason you’re in this position. Had I known you were his Grace, I’d have done things differently. I assumed he’d have done better than force you to relive the same sort of torturous life you had before.” Lucian grazes his thumb over mine.
My skin cools as his words sink in. “Wait, you knew me as Grace?”
“I knew of you but never got the honor of meeting the woman whose love could get one of my former brethren to turn his back on his purpose. We were negotiating a contract that never was completed. I assumed the saviors got to you and he was put back on his righteous path. It’s not like I was free to find out those things.” Whoa. Things are starting to make sense.
Damn it. I hate how many questions I have. “When did you know I was the soul? Is that why you’re being such a dick? More so now than before? You’re holding a grudge because—”
Lucian covers my mouth with his hand. “Answers come at a cost, Raven, and right now, there is only one way for you to pay.”
Anger rushes through me. “I’m not fucking you, Lucian.”
He licks his lips. “I’ll save that one for when you truly become desperate.”
Frowning, I search his gaze. Should I even ask him what he wants? He’s probably just toying with me. What I should do is run to my devils and tell them what I know so far. Maybe they can find out the answers.
“I want you to let me touch your soul again,” Lucian says, not waiting for me to ask him. “Help heal me from your punishment.”
Damn. He’ll give me some answers if I let him touch my soul?
