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“I’m sorry, darlin’. I don’t mean to. I just...this is tough. I wish I didn’t have to tell you any of this.” Elias hangs his head at the apartment floor, keeping his eyes trained on the threadbare carpet. “I am also sorry for failing you. I failed you so badly that I don’t know what I can do to fix this or if I can. What Mikail has done was unexpected and unthinkable. He should’ve never been within reach. I should’ve fought harder.”
“None of this is making sense. How are you a failure if it was me who went after him? It was me who broke the veil. Not you.” The words come as if they have been waiting on my tongue, but a part of me feels nothing as I say them. I should feel for his pain and hurt. But still, the anger and annoyance won’t release me.
“What I’m about to tell you is going to freak you out. I want you to know that no matter what, I will never leave you.” Elias finally tips his head and looks at me. He reaches out and combs strands of my hair behind my ear. His drawing out this information he keeps from me drives me crazy. I must bite my tongue to stop from demanding he just spit it out already. “When Mikail stabbed you, he was trying to end your life and take your soul. But something happened. Our sweet babies saved their mama, and now it’s them keeping your body alive. Because even though Mikail didn’t kill you, he still managed to intervene and take your soul. The devils felt their binding snap. I felt the part of you that is part of me just rip away as if my heart got taken.”
I gape at him, my eyebrows furrowing as I try to process the information. What he’s saying? That Heaven took my soul, and my body still lives because of the beings growing inside me? What the actual fuck?
“Oh shit. Oh fucking shit. This can’t be happening. What does that even mean? Am I just a corpse walking around? What’s going to happen when I have the babies?” My chest tightens with my words, and I clench my fingers into fists. I try to summon power. I try to do anything that gets my body to tap into the devils’ power. But nothing happens. I don’t feel anything really except for the ever-present anger.
And then I realize why I can’t feel anything right now toward Elias. If what he says is true, my soul, the one that tethers us together as soulmates, is gone. And if it’s gone, then the part of me that he loved and that he gave me is no longer here. The part of me the devils fell in love with is gone as well. I’m just a shell. A host, even.
“Without your soul, once you deliver, you will die. Your soul is already in Heaven.” Elias’s words weigh so heavy on me that I just stare at the floor. I can’t die and go to Heaven. If I die and go to Heaven, I can’t take Purgatory. My eternity with the devils is over.
“No. No, this can’t be happening. This couldn’t have happened.” I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to will myself to feel something, anything.
Turning toward Elias, I crash my mouth to his and kiss him with the same passion I have a dozen times. I expect to feel my body buzzing as our souls get close, but all that remains between us is just lust. Just my body awakening for his. Nothing more.
Elias groans and doesn’t pull away, kissing me until I’m ready to release him, my mouth at war with his as I try to siphon his angelic light into myself again. Maybe that’s the key. Maybe he can give me his light once more.
“You can fix us. I know you can. You’ve done it before. Give me your light again, and maybe my soul will come back. Or go to Heaven and grab it. Bring it back to me. You have to. You fucking have to do this.” I gasp with my words, clutching onto him and staring into his face.
His bottom lip puffs out. “Raven I—”
“Don’t you fucking do it. Don’t you deny me. Don’t tell me that it’s impossible. Because me being here right now pregnant with an angelic and a devil spawn is impossible, Elias. We can do this. Anything is possible. You’ve told me that.” I clench my teeth together, watching his face. He doesn’t believe me. Doesn’t believe his own damn words he’s told me time and time again.
“I will do everything I can. I’m not giving up on you. I’m not giving up on Hell either. But right now? We need to take care of your body and those babies. We can’t let anything happen.” Elias leans in closer, his pouty face begging me to kiss him again but not out of desperation. He wants me to kiss him with the love born from our bond as soulmates.
“They can’t win. They can’t keep my soul. I don’t care what it takes, but we will get it back. You have wings now. You can access Heaven.” I think of the words over and over again, and hell, it might be possible. We just need to take down the guardians and put them in their places.
“It has never been done. Souls don’t move from Heaven or from Hell. That is why we were creating Purgatory.” He sighs against my mouth.
“Then we create Purgatory. It can open access through all the realms.” I press my lips into a thin line as I stare at him.
“But Hell? How can we do that? We need an angel-kissed soul, and we need the seven sinners. I’ve tried to jump from Heaven a dozen times.” Elias scratches his hand to the back of his neck, his body slackening as he sulks.
I shake my head. “So, you’re just going to give up? I’m not going to fucking allow it. You don’t get to just think that this is the end. We’ve been through too much already.”
He slowly nods his head. “I’m sorry. I struggle to have faith right now.”
“Because you have faith in the wrong thing. I can tell that you keep turning toward the Higher Power for answers. You keep asking for guidance. But that’s not how we get things done. We need to have faith in us. In the devils. You need to have faith that we can fucking do this.” I clutch his cheeks, digging my fingers into his skin. I narrow my eyes on him and hold him hostage in my gaze. “Do you understand? This is what I am demanding of you. You will do as I say. We need to start with figuring out what happens next. Can you do that for me?”
“God, I love you. I can do that.” Elias graces me with a smile, his being lighting up with my words.
I squint through the brightness. “Turn it down, angel boy. It hurts my eyes.”
He chuckles and caresses my cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m just…you make me feel as if things are going to be okay even though all I feel is grief over the part of us missing. And the way you talk to me...it’s fucking hot.”
His words manage to calm the anger rolling inside me for the first time since I woke up, and my mouth curls up in a smile. I lean in and kiss him, wanting to feel the strange lightness radiating from him. It doesn’t feel a part of me, but it feels as if it seeps inside of me to fill in the hole in my being.
“You naughty angel boy. You want me to corrupt you, don’t you? Is that why you made all the devils leave? You wanted to get me alone, so I could push you around and use you to fill the space my stolen soul left behind?” I lick my lips with the words, the thought not necessarily a bad idea. Actually, it’s exactly what I feel like I need in this moment. I just need to remember. I need to feel his light on my body.
He raises his eyebrows with my words. I can tell he’s conflicted, but this deep-seated nature as one of the loves of my life persuades him to suppress his morals. He wants to be corrupted. And I really want to do it right now. I need this.
Elias kisses me again. “The devils are going to roast my ass if I—”
“You’re tough. I’m sure you can handle it. Now give me what I want. Let me feel your being.” I grab the front of his shirt and push him down, climbing on top of him and unfastening the button on his pants.
Elias play-growls at me, sounding more devilish than angelic, and he sits up and cups my face. He kisses me deeply, sliding his tongue into my mouth. His angelic light stings my skin, but I don’t complain. I use it to help me feel. I use it to remind me that even though my soul is gone, I’m still here. I’m still alive. This isn’t over. The angelic army hasn’t won.
