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Sawyer must realize what could happen, because he hops the tethers and lands in the ring in front of Lawrence.
“Get out of the fucking ring!” Sawyer says, his voice booming over the crowd. “It’s my fucking time to show these assholes what a real fight looks like.”
I release a breath and nod my head, abandoning the ring without waiting to see if Lawrence complies. Sawyer snatches one of the vampires from the crowd and tosses him into the ring, towering over the man and making the crowd cheer. They love the fact that he is crazy enough to bring in somebody not even part of the show.
“Please take me back to the room,” Hayley whispers, her voice tickling my ear as she hides against my neck. “Something’s wrong with me.”
I rub my hand across her back. “You need some more blood. You were injured. Go ahead and bite me.”
I should wait for Monroe or Knox, but I’m afraid. I don’t want Hayley to experience any more pain than she has to. I don’t know what it is about her, but I’m drawn to her unlike anyone I’ve ever been around before. It’s no longer me trying to save myself and asking her to help me. I want to help her. I don’t know if it’s because of the Bella Crew or because she’s a dhampir, or what, but all I know is that something inside me is changing.
“Are you sure?” she asks, instead of sinking her teeth into me like she would if it were one of the guys she’s claimed.
“Absolutely. Take whatever you need.” Hayley rips into my flesh, the strength of her bite enough to make me gasp. The pain only lasts until she moves her mouth over her mark and begins to suck, sending a wave of energy through me.
I hug her tighter and run from the auditorium. I rush with vampire speed all the way back to her room. I close the door, resting my back to it for a moment until I slide to the floor.
Hayley eases away from my throat, her eyes watery with tears. The look of sadness and shock on her face strikes my heart, and I feel her pain as if it’s my own. “Make it stop. Something happened, and Sawyer’s manipulation didn’t stick. I can’t believe I did that. I’m a fucking monster. I’m no better than Lawrence or Alexander. Maybe I do deserve to be caged.”
Fucking damn it. Rage explodes through me that she even feels an ounce of pain over the situation she was forced into.
I cup her face and lean in. “I can’t. You drank too much blood, and there’s no way I’ll be able to break into your mind. I’m so sorry. You’re not a monster, Hayley. You’re far from it. Monsters don’t feel remorse. They don’t have pity for hurting someone who deserved it either. That man out there was a rapist. He probably killed someone. He wanted to kill you. He didn’t even beg for mercy. Please, just take a breath.”
Her lips quiver and I can’t stop staring at her pouty mouth and how I suddenly want to kiss her. But I can’t. I won’t. I’m not going to take advantage of her in a situation where she’s vulnerable. It’s not my place. She’s not mine. I can only be here for her as a friend.
She hugs me, her soft cries stirring something inside me I haven’t felt since I transformed into a vampire. In a moment where I should feel hopeless, I feel as if I’m stronger than ever. Because of her fragility, it gives me the strength to want to fight back. And fight harder. To do whatever it takes to stop this bullshit. I’m not a damn vampire donor for Lawrence any longer. I’m a new member of the Bella Crew. I won’t let them down.
The door to the room hits my back as someone tries to open it, and I shift out of the way and let Knox into the room. He swears under his breath and drops to his knees beside us, combing Hayley’s hair from her bloody face.
“Oh, vixen. Come here. Let me see you.” Knox holds his arms out and silently demands that I hand her over to him.
I don’t argue and do as he asks.
I watch in silence as Hayley throws her arms around Knox, crying louder as he holds her. He turns away from me and strolls toward the bathroom. I want so badly to follow to make sure she’s really okay, but Knox closes the door without a word.
I stare at the wood for only a moment. If I stay, I’m afraid I’ll lose control and demand to be near her. I’ll demand to help.
But again, it’s not my place. My place is to obey orders. My place is to just survive.
If only these emotions awakening inside me didn’t consume me.
It takes everything in me to stroll to the door. I can’t catch my breath until I open it and stare into the empty hallway.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Call me if you need me. I’ll go grab a couple of things for Hayley and come back later.”
Knox shouts his thanks, and I force myself to exit. I force myself to let Hayley go. She is safe. She will be okay.
As for me? I’m not sure. I don’t think I’ll ever be.
Chapter 13
HAYLEY
Afterparty
I SIT ON the counter and stare at my bloody hands. The events of tonight replay in my mind over and over again. I killed a man. I mutilated his body. I stabbed him so many times that his intestines fell out. If I was a vampire, I’d probably have sucked on them. Instead, I let the audience do the job of licking them clean.
I shudder at the thought. What the actual fuck? Who knew I could be so vicious and violent when my emotions were suppressed? It was as if everything bad that happened to me in my life came crashing down, turning me into a fucking monster. And then, all of a sudden, it was as if the wall Sawyer built in my mind crumbled. I felt everything ten times more intensely. Disgust about what I had done still lingers with me now. I’m not sure I’ll ever get the blood and guts and tissue out from beneath my nails. I can still taste the splash of his blood on my lips, the metallic rancid flavor nasty in comparison to the blood of my guys.
