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I frown at his words. “Why?”
I’m not dense. I know he’s attracted to me but dangerous? Hardly. We’ve exchanged blood before. He’s seen me naked. I thought we were okay with playing around.
Cooper groans and covers his hands with his face, rubbing them as if he’s trying to scrub the thoughts from his mind. “Because you are claimed, and I don’t want to jeopardize what you have. I don’t want to jeopardize what the Bella Crew has offered me. I know they have a weird-ass ability to not tear each other apart when it comes to you, but I don’t know. I find you...beautiful. Strong. There’s something about you I feel a connection to beyond the fact that we were both put into this shitty situation. My feelings aren’t good for either of us. I shouldn’t even be admitting them.”
I don’t say anything for a minute, letting his words sink in. I guess I was used to the way Sawyer, Knox, and Monroe were with each other that I didn’t think it was a big deal.
“Oh.” What else can I say? I find him hot, and he’s been so nice to me. I’m afraid of making him uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking...and now this is fucking awkward. I’m sorry.”
He twists his lips. “Hey, no. Don’t apologize. I just know my place. I’m not like them.”
“You keep saying that. You keep saying you know your place as if you are beneath them. They don’t think like that. Everyone in the Bella Crew has their strengths and weaknesses. They recognize them, and they know how to use them to work stronger together.” I smile as I think about it. Monroe is the first one to admit that he doesn’t have the same kind of power that Knox and Sawyer do. It never really affected us. I doubt it would affect Cooper.
What am I thinking? He’s not talking about the power within the crew. I’m pretty sure he’s talking solely about me. And now? I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think.
He groans with a chuckle, clearly realizing we talk about two different things. But I don’t want to push him. I don’t really know him, but that didn’t stop me from being drawn to Knox, Monroe, and Sawyer. This is a bad idea. I can’t think about it. I could be putting too much thought into something that is nothing.
“I’m sorry. I’m not good at this. Talking. I usually just do what I’m told.” I sit up and scoot to the edge of the bed.
“Hayley, you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s all me. I should be more careful anyways. It’s just...you have this presence about you. I feel a connection. Relatability. It might be part of our natures too. I carried the dhampir gene before I transitioned.” Cooper gets to his feet, scooping up the rest of the orange from the bed. He holds it out to me until I take it. “I don’t know. Whatever it is...I just can’t think about it right now. It’s dangerous.”
“Cooper...” I feel him shutting down, and I want so desperately to latch onto him and keep him open. His honesty digs into me.
He shakes his head at me. I’ve lost him. “Why don’t you finish eating this, and I can wait in the hallway until the others return? It shouldn’t be long. Maybe even minutes.”
I open and close my mouth, wondering if I should beg him to stay, but he clearly wants to go. I’m so confused by everything. Am I overthinking things? Fuck. I don’t know.
I bow my head in silent agreement, popping the orange pieces into my mouth, stopping myself from speaking. Cooper leaves the room and clicks the door closed, but I can still hear him in the hallway. His body thumps against the wood. Taking a few deep breaths, I close the space to the door and press my hand on it.
“Cooper,” I murmur, hoping that he’ll still talk to me. “I hope you know that I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
He thuds his head to the door, sounding as if he drops to sit on the floor, resting his back to the wood. I imagine mimicking him and get down on the ground as well. “I wish I could do more for you. It’s just hard. I don’t have the power or the strength. I can’t stop thinking about things that I shouldn’t be thinking about involving you, either. It takes all my control not to act.”
“You say that as if it’s a bad thing. It’s okay, you know. I sometimes think about it too.” I hate that I keep apologizing. “You fascinate me. I can’t help wanting to know more. You’re right about the connection. You understand things others can’t.” Maybe this is a dangerous line. I know better than speaking freely, but I can’t help myself.
“Your fascination might be a bit different, my showgirl. You want to know things while I want to experience them.” He thuds his head to the door again. “It’ll get my dick cut off.”
I frown and shake my head, though he can’t see me. “None of them will touch your dick. I’ll ensure it.” Fuck me. Did I offer to protect his cock? “I’m sorry. I’m...I’m going to shut up now.”
He chuckles. “It’s funny. I never thought I could talk to someone like this. I’ve kept secrets for so long.” Cooper redirects the subject, helping me not feel as awkward. “You make it so easy. My grandmother would’ve whacked me over the head for being such a moron. It’s like a part of me doesn’t ever want to function when I’m around you.”
“Do you think that it’s because of what I am? I’ve always had a lot of attention on me. Maybe it’s my dhampir nature. Because I survive on vampire blood, I would need something to help me get it, considering how powerful vampires can be, right?” The longer I think about it, the more sense it makes.
“Hmm. Perhaps. I didn’t really get to see that side of my grandmother. She never told us where she got blood from. She didn’t need that much.” He releases a heavy breath. “I can see how and why you would be able to attract us. You use that sexy body and sweet personality to lure some asshole in and then you can devour him like a maneater. A perfect seductress predator to those who wrong you.” He chuckled with his words.
My mouth drops open, and I crinkle my nose. “And to think I thought I was simply irresistible.”
“Oh, my showgirl. You are. It makes you especially dangerous for me. Because I don’t even think I’ll fight you if you decide you want to drain me dry. I might die a happy man.” Cooper groans like he’s thinking about it.
Blush heats my cheeks with his words. “I’ll take that into consideration next time you attack me out of starvation.” I giggle with my words, because if I think seriously about it, I’ll frown. I can’t help thinking about if that happened. What if I somehow continue to act like a monster like the persona I channel in the Fright Fights? It came so easily, but then it broke me so deeply. I couldn’t imagine killing Cooper or even Sawyer, Monroe, and Knox for that matter by accident.
“Good. You should. That sounds like a far better way to go than any other way.” Cooper’s voice remains soft as if he thinks about me ending his life. It’s twisted and dark, but I get it. I thought about it before. Especially in moments where all seems lost.
“You’re ridiculous,” I say, stretching my legs out in front of me. “That doesn’t seem fun at all. I would think you would prefer me to fuck you as I murder your ass instead of draining you.”
“Damn it, my showgirl. You can’t put those images in my head.” I can’t see his face, but Cooper might be thinking about it in detail. I’m sure he’s creative. He’s known how to survive all this time, even managing to turn from donor to vampire.
“That’s too bad. If you can’t handle my teasing, then maybe you shouldn’t suggest that you’d prefer to die by my hands. It’s kind of a dick move. Not cool. I don’t want to kill anybody that I like.” I stare at my glittering fingernails, wondering if blood lingers beneath the dark polish.
