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“Damn straight. You’re our girl.” Sawyer breaks his eye contact, releasing me from his mind manipulation. Scooping me closer, he adjusts me on his lap until I straddle his waist. I kiss him more fervently, sliding my tongue into his mouth and just tasting the sweetness of his lips.
“I think this calls for a celebration. I mean, as soon as we are absolutely sure.” I nibble his lip, stretching it out enough to make him moan and tighten his fingers around me. If I continue, I know we won’t leave this bed. Honestly, I’m not sure I ever want to.
A knock on the door draws my attention away from Sawyer and I groan and rest my head on his shoulder, hoping that if it’s Walcott or Tatum that they’ll realize we don’t want to be disturbed by them. They’re supposed to go to Monroe with any information regarding the donor population of the hotel.
“Hayley, it’s me. Can I come in?” Mya’s voice muffles through the door, her words softer than usual.
Sawyer quickly grabs his com device and unlocks the door from his spot. “It’s open,” he calls, keeping me on his lap. He’s not going to let me go until either I beg or Mya steals me from him. It wouldn’t be the first time she practically detached me from one of my guys for a moment of my time.
She looks over her shoulder at Govan, and he remains in the hallway as she shuffles inside our room. He doesn’t wait to be invited in and disappears, letting Mya close the door. I’m surprised he leaves her with us, especially with what happened under Cooper’s care. I hope he doesn’t hold it against Cooper. It wasn’t his fault.
I won’t bring it up though. How the members of the Bella Crew handle things is up to them. Monroe and Walcott constantly fight it out and stab each other as if it’s some silly game. It’s just something I’ve learned not to get involved in unless I absolutely have to.
“You’re looking so much better. How are you feeling?” Mya strolls closer, hugging her arms over her chest. “Govan won’t tell me much, but I heard Walcott mention that they found a couple more renegades.”
I whip my attention to Sawyer. He never mentioned it to me either.
“We’re not certain it’s all of them, but we’re hoping that if there are any remaining that they will be smart enough to get their asses out of here before we find them.” Sawyer flexes, his muscles bulging against his T-shirt.
“I hope so. That’s why I’m here. Govan said you’re the best one to ask.” Mya swallows, the noise audible as she closes the space completely and stops at the end of the bed.
“Do you want me to manipulate your mind? I’m sure it was terrifying for you.” Sawyer remains even in tone, always calm when talking to Mya as if he wants to use tranquility to keep her from losing her shit. He’s a lot more open with me.
Mya thins her lips, not responding right away. Her eyes dart from mine and back to Sawyer, and she nervously shifts on her feet.
“No, I don’t want you to take away the fear. But there’s something that I do want. I can’t stand how vulnerable I feel. I should’ve been able to protect Hayley, but those bastards got into my mind so easily...” Tears gleam in Mya’s eyes and splash on her cheeks, smearing her mascara. She swipes her hand over the damp trails and releases a breath. “I’m sorry. I’m just...I don’t even know how to ask this. I know the answer already, but I don’t know what else to do. I need this. I can’t be a donor anymore.”
I blink a few times, her words sinking in with the realization. She doesn’t ask out right, but I can already see her pleas in her expression. She wants to transform into a vampire. She wants to do it not only for herself but also for me.
“Everything is so fucked up in the city now. There has to be something you can do. I know you don’t turn people just because. I know the laws, but I’m begging you. Break them. Please, Sawyer. I want to be like you. I want to be on the Bella Crew. I want to be able to defend myself and Hayley and all the other donors in this hotel.” Mya clasps her hands together, looking ready to drop to your knees to grovel.
Now that she instills the thought in my mind, I can’t help thinking that it might be a good idea. I mean, I’ve learned that I’m going to live forever as a dhampir. So will my guys. I haven’t thought about what would happen to Mya. She will grow old and die otherwise. The idea of ever losing my best friend tears at my very soul, threatening to shred me into a million pieces. I’ve already experienced what it was like knowing that she was in danger because of me. And to think that we could give her the chance to be a vampire and not do it? That’s just wrong.
Sawyer doesn’t respond. He bows his head and stares between us, not glancing up. He looks prepared to turn her down. I can already feel the heaviness of his decision crushing me.
“Sawyer, I don’t think it’s a bad idea. It would take a lot of stress away from me. She can help us.” I stroke my fingers over his shoulders, trying to smooth out the knots in his muscles. “What can the leadership do? They’re losing their power. They can’t stop us. We are rising up against them, and this could make a point that they don’t control us any longer.”
Is it fair for me to ask this of him? No. But it wouldn’t be fair to Mya if I didn’t try to reason with him.
He clears his throat and remains staring down. “I need to think about it and discuss it with the Bella Crew.”
“Really? You’re actually going to consider it?” Mya’s voice lightens with her words. “Govan told me to prepare to be rejected. He said he would do it himself, but he would prefer it be you. You’re powerful.”
“Yes, I will consider it. I know how important you are to Hayley and Govan. You’re important to the Bella Crew. But there’s a lot of factors. The venom doesn’t always take. Is that something you’re willing to risk?” Sawyer finally turns his gaze up, meeting Mya’s eyes instead of mine. “You would be my responsibility. We do things differently here than what might feel instinctual to you. If you go against—”
“You’ll ban me. I get it. I completely understand. I would outcast myself too. I’m just... Thank you. I know this isn’t a yes, but I appreciate you even considering it. I thought such a thing would be out of my reach. Knowing that it could possibly change...it takes a weight off of me.” Mya smiles and bounces on her feet. “I’m going to tell Govan. He’ll be so happy.”
Mya spins around and skips toward the door, her depressed demeanor now as cheerful as our last good day at the Aris, which was a long time ago. She exits the room, shouting Govan’s name, and he materializes and lifts her off her feet. Crashing her mouth to his, Mya kisses him, sliding her fingers into his hair. They are in love. I haven’t asked her, but I know it’s true. I can see it and feel it as if it’s tangible.
“Monroe finished sweeping the hotel. He’s given the all clear.” Govan turns his face from Mya, looking into the room. She continues to pepper his face with kisses, making him laugh. “He says you should meet him in the dining hall. He has the renegades. We need to also handle a couple of more private matters.” I don’t know if he doesn’t say what they are because of me or because of Mya. Either way, I don’t like the sound of it. Private matters can mean anything. What if the Bella Crew thinks this is all too much? What if they start blaming me for how things are going?
“Yeah, sure. Tell him I’ll be down in a minute.” Sawyer scoops me closer, hugging me in his arms. “I want to feed my girl first. She gets a bit wild when she’s hungry, and I want her to be there.”
My heart kicks into overdrive at his words. Govan and Mya disappear without a response, and I turn my gaze back to Sawyer’s, my eyes wide.
I open and close my mouth, trying to summon the nerve to tell him the last place I want to be is facing the renegade donors after everything. His mind manipulation was supposed to help, but all it does is stanch the fear over yesterday. I realize now that I’m still afraid.
And I hate it.
