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I blink the blurriness from my eyes and force my lips to smile. “Nothing important. Just how hungry you make me. How horny. How much I want to tease Monroe.”
Cooper grins and pushes me back on the bed, crawling on top of me only to roll me over so I straddle him. It’s not the first time he’s tried to distract me like this and I give in to his need for affection. I kiss him hard and fast, trying my best to forget the situation.
“I came at just the right time, pretty vixen. You look like you’re about to devour Cooper and he doesn’t stand a chance. Look at all of those bite marks. Fuck.” Knox’s playful voice sounds from the door, and I jerk my attention to him. He motions to Cooper. “Mind if I have a couple minutes with our girl? Monroe has a couple things he wants to go over with you, Coop.”
Reluctantly, Cooper groans and sits up, scooting to the edge of the bed with me in his arms. He carries me all the way over to Knox and hands me over instead of just leaving me behind. It’s as if he has to have Knox take me or else he’ll never leave.
I link my fingers to Cooper’s hair and pull him in for one more kiss. “We’ll finish this later.”
“Fuck yeah, we will,” he murmurs, forcing himself to step away.
Knox snaps his teeth playfully shoving him out the door until he finally disappears, leaving Knox alone with me.
A dozen questions swirl through my mind, stealing away the lust Cooper rose inside me.
“I hope you come bearing good news. I swear if I have to stay in this fucking building for another day like a prisoner, I’m going to start destroying shit. I hate this. I want to know what the fuck is happening in La Vega.” I grip Knox’s face in my hands, squishing his cheeks as he tries to lean in and kiss me. “No kisses until you tell me something. Anything. I know you guys are worried about stressing me out, so you haven’t been sharing every single detail.”
He mumbles under his breath and kicks the door closed. Adjusting me and his arms, he gets me to hug him with my whole body so he can rest his chin on my shoulder and get close enough to whisper in my ear in case someone strolls by outside our room.
“I promise you that we aren’t keeping anything important from you. Mostly just stuff that will get you riled up. I know this whole situation is fucked up and frustrating, but we’re finally coming to an arrangement we can all agree on with the baby coming and all.” Knox keeps his voice low, his breath tickling the hair over my ear.
I shiver in his arms, tilting my head to get my mouth close to his throat. The scent of his skin lures me closer, and I lick across his neck and suck hard enough to leave a hickey.
“And what arrangement is that?” I kiss his throat, working my way up. “Are we going back to the Bella soon?”
He shifts, stretching to look me in the eyes. “We are still discussing that. A lot of things have changed, Hayley. Our priorities have changed. Running the Bella might not be exactly what we want anymore...at least, not until we have our shit together.”
I blink a few times at his admission, trying to register what has changed apart from me. If we don’t have the Bella, we don’t have power. That’s how everything works in La Vega. And without power, we face greater risks.
“What are you talking about? The Bella is important to you. You guys have been there...forever.” I purse my lips and study his face, trying to read his mind.
“You’re right. It is. But so are you. So is this amazing child you’re about to have. It just seems like a lot of work, when we can shift everything to the rest of the Bella Crew. They are the ones who have been securing our futures. We’ve always had the wealth, but they’ve done everything else. And to be honest, I’m tired. I’m tired of the threats and the fights. I’m tired of not being able to enjoy you as I should. I want to give the burden to someone else. Whether it’s the Bella Crew, the renegades, whatever. As long as the donor population is safe, I don’t care who’s in power.”
“Oh.” I don’t even know how to respond. I understand what he’s going through. I can’t imagine the stress he and my guys face because of me. Because of La Vega and the whole situation. But a part of me worries that even if things settle, even if the fighting stops, there will always be a threat lingering in the shadows somewhere. I’m a dhampir. People will always want a part of me.
“You’re unhappy.” It’s not a question. Knox strokes his fingers along my cheek and pushes my hair behind my ear. “What are you thinking? I can’t read your mind, but I’m also a bit surprised. I didn’t expect this kind of reaction.”
I rub my lips together and try to collect my thoughts. I’ve spent so much time beneath vampires and serving them that it’s hard for me to even plan anything regarding my future. All I know is that I want to be with my guys. I want to raise our family without having to worry about all the bullshit that comes with my nature. But then again, a part of me doesn’t want to have my entire life revolve around just that. I love performing. It is ingrained into my very being and is a part of me. And it sounds like I would be giving that up if things came down to it.
“It’s just...” I sigh, seeing the concern in his eyes.
“Hayley, come on. You can tell me anything.” Knox eases closer until he brushes his lips to mine, kissing me softly and sweetly without getting carried away. “What is it? You obviously don’t like the idea of us taking a step back from things.”
I shake my head, crinkling my nose. “It’s nothing. It’s selfish, really. I know what I need to do, but I just can’t stop thinking about how I don’t want to go into hiding or take a step back from the hotel life. It’s who I am. It’s who you guys are too. There are three things that I know that I want for our eternity. I want to take care of you. I want to protect our family and raise this baby in a world that we don’t have to worry about constant threats. And lastly, I want to bring entertainment and joy to this life. I want to keep performing and to teach this damn city that it’s not all about blood or power. It’s about the little things like enjoying a damn acrobatic show. I know it’s stupid. But I just...I love it. There’s just something about it.”
Knox doesn’t say anything, just taking a minute to study my eyes and gather his own thoughts. He opens and closes his mouth and then leans his head forward to rest it on my shoulder.
“You’re not stupid. Your dreams are not stupid. If anyone is, it’s me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m just so worried about not giving you everything you want that I failed to consider what you need to have a fulfilling future.”
My heart swells with love, seeing just how the simple realization shifts something inside him. It makes me feel closer to him than ever, his ability to reflect and compromise instead of just doing things that he thinks are right gets to me in a good way.
“Plus, the Gemstones need something to do as well. This is their purpose. You know, hidden in rooms and afraid...the donor life as it is now kind of sucks. We’ve always felt so lucky to have more. You shouldn’t have to keep us hidden and safe. We need to figure out how to find balance. The renegades want to do another round of divisions for vampires, but what if we gave donors more options too? If vampires can stop thinking about us as food sources and instead think about us as equals, things could really change. Think about it. You see how the donors are at the Bella. They are happy to donate, and they get everything they need. Your ideas can be done citywide. Just imagine what kind of power that will bring to everyone.” I smile with my words, feeling my stomach flutter. I automatically touch my belly and Knox reaches out and rests his hand next to mine, his face lighting up as he feels what I do.
“Do you think that’s really possible? Vampires have been in charge for a long time, Hayley. Many are set in their ways.” He continues to rest his hand on my belly. “It might not be easy.”
“I don’t care if it’s easy. All I care about is that it’ll be worth it.” And it’s true. Now more than ever.
He clenches his jaw, swallowing. “I don’t think the rebels will agree. The renegades don’t believe the same things we do. They think control is best served on every level to ensure more humane treatment.”
