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“Which direction, infraborne?” Rocco lunges and sinks his teeth into the scruff of my neck, thrashing to send me on my side. “You need to hurry. They will know we’re in their territory.”
I don’t respond to him with my words and instead push onto my paws and freeze, looking in the direction I think Eliana ran.
“Go sweep the area. Make sure it’s clear for us.” Rocco growls and lunges at Otis, getting the wolf to charge ahead.
He’s such a dick. I wish I could stand up to him, but as long as I don’t start trouble, he doesn’t hurt me. The first few days on his pack...I can’t even think about it. I still feel the lingering pain in my body. If I do as he says, he will allow me to turn into a man again sometime. At least, that’s what he said. It hasn’t happened yet, and I feel myself growing weaker and weaker in my wolf form as I shut down. It’s just easier not to think about it. When I give into my wolf, things don’t feel as bad.
But then I caught Eliana’s scent outside of where she was supposed to be. It’s one of the only reasons Rocco even let me join the pack on the hunt for Kellan. They had been stalking him in the Sunset Pointe territory until Rocco realized Eliana wasn’t even there.
Just thinking about her absence from the place she was supposed to be safe freaks me out.
“Kellan, stop! Please!” Eliana’s voice strikes me in the heart, her words exploding in my mind. I haven’t heard her since the night of the full moon and listening to the desperation in her voice triggers a carnal need inside me. It takes everything in me not to shout her name.
I jerk my attention to Rocco, expecting him to give a reaction, but he continues to sniff the area around us. He didn’t hear her. Thank fucking hell that he didn’t hear her. She must be close. With the thought of her being within reach of this monstrous pack, fear pours through me. If Rocco knows, he’ll charge forward and attack. He’ll try to kill her so that others can’t have her.
It takes all of my willpower not to run to her. If I try, Rocco will follow me. It’s the last thing Eliana needs, despite how miserable I am. I would never subject her to something as horrendous as this. I need to be strong for her. I need to bide my time until Rocco least expects it. If I act the part of the obedient infraborne, I can grow into my strength and work my way up until none of our enemies are left. I know I’m capable of this. I survived as a human on the island. I will survive as a wolf, even one with so little power. Even with a monster as an alpha.
“Please, Kellan. Just stop. They will kill you. You don’t understand. I’m not a prisoner. I chose this.” Eliana’s quivering voice fills my mind with confusion, annoyance, and sorrow. The mixture of her emotions gets to me on a soul-deep level. It triggers my transformation, and I try to force it back, but I don’t have that kind of control. I’m still learning.
Fuck. I’ll be punished for this. I’m not allowed to turn into a man without permission. I can’t even fucking take a piss without asking. Now, I’m going to have the shit beat out of me again, all because my stupid body refuses to cooperate.
“What do you think you’re doing, infraborne? Transform back immediately or I will bite your fucking balls off.” Rocco’s growls reverberate across my skin, sinking deeply into me as if he’s bitten me already. I curl in on myself and clutch my junk, knowing that he isn’t joking. He will neuter me with his teeth. I saw him do it before.
Just a thought makes me panic, and I lose the ability to summon my wolf altogether. Nothing happens. It’s as if my mind, body, and spirit refuse to do so in a state of protest. It’s as if I’d rather be mauled to death than submit again to my inner beast. In a form that I should feel the most powerful, I don’t. I feel like utter and complete shit. I feel like the scum of the island. I feel like the lowest of the low, and a prisoner within a pack that’s supposed to be mine. But it’s far from that. This is my own personal hell.
It makes me question where I’ve gone wrong in my life. I wasn’t the best man, but I wasn’t some sick and twisted bastard. I only broke the law when necessary. I only did the things I had because there were far worse people out there that deserved it. I considered it a form of justice when no one else was going to do shit. I did my time. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t my place to enact consequences and get justice for those wronged.
I’m paying for it now.
Teeth sink into the back of my thigh, startling me, and I holler as a wave of intense pain rushes through me. Rocco gets so close to my damn balls that I reach behind me and sink my fingers into his fur. My thumb pokes his eye, and he snarls, his anger as intense as the fire burning across my skin as I transform back into a wolf.
He’s going to tear me apart. I know it.
But if I run, we might accidentally cross paths with Eliana.
Maybe this is it. Maybe I just need to give up and give in. This island is fucked up anyway. My only hope was reuniting with Eliana, except in doing so now, I will endanger her life. I can’t do that.
A howl echoes through the cold forest, seemingly to bounce through the frozen trees. It’s enough to get Rocco to drag his attention away from me. He snaps his teeth once more at my hind leg, but only to drag me toward one of the snow-covered bushes.
“I should murder you. Someone heard you.” Rocco’s deep voice smashes into my mind, threatening to break me even without getting physical. “We have lost the element of surprise.”
I remain silent the best I can, but my wolf releases a pathetic whimper. Rocco eases his body lower, trying his best to stay out of sight. We listen as more howls echo through the air. They’re not far away, and I wonder if another pack chases Eliana and Kellan.
“Kellan, please. I can’t protect you if you don’t listen,” Eliana pleads, her voice barely a whisper in my mind. She moves farther and farther away.
I should feel a great amount of sorrow with the knowledge, but right now, I only feel relief.
“I don’t need your protection. I need you to come with me. Your pack is nearby. We have to go. You don’t belong here.” Kellan’s voice trickles to me next with a rush of his annoyance. Her pack? He must be talking about that lying asshole Ravi. He was supposed to protect us and let us join his pack. Instead, he forced Eliana to bow, kept those he felt worthy, and left the rest of us to fend for ourselves.
My anger over the memory sends heat rushing through me, pushing away the cold. I can’t just sit here and listen and wait any longer. I’m already a dead man. My wolf is on the verge of jumping off the fucking cliff as well. I need to try. If I can just try, I can make my death worth it.
Another howl rings out, this time a familiar one that leaves my stomach twisting. It’s Rocco’s betaborne, a man who forces me to call him sir and only sir. He’s even worse than Rocco, because he thinks that he has to be the punisher and go to the extreme on behalf of his alpha. He’s responsible for breaking my body and trying to break my mind as well.
“Come on, infraborne. If you manage to defend me properly, then I won’t make you wish you were dead later. Brent found Eliana’s scent again. We can catch up and surround them. She’s being chased by a couple other wolves from Ice Meadow.” Rocco shoves his body into mine, getting to his paws. He shakes off the snow and strolls forward, pounding his heavy paws into the ground harder than necessary.
I force myself to my feet. This is the chance I need. All I have to do is act the part of an infraborne for a little while longer. As soon as Rocco becomes distracted, I will flee. I will escape. This will be the first chance I’ve gotten. He can’t watch me alone, and he’s sent everybody else out to sweep the forest.
Goddess, help me. I never expected to pray to a being I never knew until transforming under the full moon. I don’t know if the celestial power is real or not, but I felt the same way about God in the human world. I’m the type of man who needs proof. But right now, forget that. I just need a fucking miracle.
