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Mom was in a manic painting phase that summer, and Erica was only around for a few weeks, preparing to head off on her first archaeological dig in Jordan. With nine years between us, she and I have never been close, but she was especially irritable that summer. Every step I took seemed to piss her off.
Suffice it to say, no one really cared what I was up to, as long as I kept out of trouble. Nobody noticed I was bored out of my skull, until Gavin showed up. He saw that I was restless and asked me to tag along on errands. I showed him all of my favorite snack bars and swimming spots. We talked for hours about everything and nothing at all.
He spoke to me like an equal, and listened as though my words meant something. I didn’t know what a healthy work-life balance looked like until I saw it on Gavin. He could go from watching funny cat videos with me to pouring over rare historical letters my dad had purchased or borrowed from the university’s historical society.
I fell madly in love with him after just a few weeks.
Then I ruined everything.
The morning of my sixteenth birthday, my parents left a birthday card and a stack of gift cards on the table, then scurried off to work in their respective caves. I made myself my favorite breakfast: waffles with butter and maple syrup. I offered one to Gavin when he got back from his morning run. He wished me a happy birthday and asked if I had anything special planned. I told him most of my friends were off at camp or traveling with their families.
I’m sure the fact that I was making my own birthday breakfast spoke for itself.
That night, after dinner, Gavin brought me out to the beach where he’d built a fire on the sand. He had even gone out and picked up chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers that afternoon.
We gorged ourselves on s’mores, then washed our hands and faces with salt water, letting the waves roll around our legs. When I lost my balance, he caught my hand and held it firmly so I wouldn’t fall. I didn’t want to let go of him, so I didn’t.
“Thank you,” I said. “This has been the most perfect birthday.”
“I’m glad I could help make it special,” he said.
“You’re the only one who made it special.”
Another wave struck, and I nearly toppled over. Gavin pulled me closer and then lifted me into his arms. It was like something out of a fairytale. I got so caught up in the perfection of the moment that I couldn’t stop the words from pouring out once we got back to shore.
“Kiss me, Gavin,” I said, still in his arms. “It’s my birthday, and my only wish is for you to kiss me.”
I couldn’t make out the details of his face in the dark, but I knew he was looking at me. Finally, he said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Alexis.”
“Why not?” My hopes plummeted as he set me on my feet.
“Because I’m way too old for you, and you’re my adviser’s daughter.”
“My dad’s almost twenty years older than my mom. I don’t think he’s going to care.”
Gavin sighed heavily. I felt his hand on my cheek, and the pad of his thumb at the corner of my mouth. “I like you, Alexis. We’ve become good friends, haven’t we?”
“Right...Friends.” I’m sure he intended the word to invoke a sense of familiarity, but all I felt was dejection.
He didn’t want to kiss me.
I ran back to the house, nearly crashing into Erica on my way up the stairs. My reaction was so childish and melodramatic; I cringe thinking about it now. I locked myself in my bedroom and cried for hours until I fell asleep.
Bracing against the stone railing, Gavin pivots to face me, pulling me back to the present with his closeness.
“I never got a chance to apologize for how things played out,” he says.
Embarrassment burns my cheeks. “It’s fine, really. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have asked you to kiss me.”
Gavin squints and then smiles. “Oh, you don’t have to apologize for that.” His expression turns somber. “I meant for what happened after.”
My chest aches. I didn’t think I could feel worse than I felt that night, but what happened the next morning made Gavin’s earlier rejection feel like a pinprick—
“Alexis.”
I instinctively move away from Gavin at the sound of Erica’s displeasure.
“Mom and Dad are leaving,” my sister says, arms crossed above her belly.
