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Benny’s attention snaps to him, his eyes wide. “What?”
“The night of the auction.” Nathan lifts his gaze, forcing himself to look at Benny. “When I raped him. When I raped Carter up on stage while he sobbed and begged for help, while men and women laughed at him, while they yelled awful fucking things to him, while he was starving and hurting and – and fucking breaking apart, I took his virginity.”
“Fuck, Nate… I – that’s – okay. Okay.” Benny releases a slow, even breath. Then he straightens his back and slips into what Nathan recognizes as his professional, no bullshit mode. “Okay. This has to stop. You need to get your shit together, Nathan.Now. You’ll get us all killed – or worse. Do you understand me? You will get Carter killed. The boy you love. Understand?”
Throat tight, Nathan nods.
“No, I need to hear you say it.”
“I understand.”
“Good.” Benny wraps Nathan’s knuckles, then moves on to the other hand. He sighs. “And we’ll conveniently forget about that confession of yours, alright? Blame it on the whiskey. Go on as normal. No nightmare was overheard, no meltdown occurred. Alright?”
Knowing that’s for the best for so many reasons, Nathan nods. “Yeah. Alright.”
“Is it out of your system now? Have you worked through all this?”
“Yeah.” Nathan winces as Benny finishes his other hand. He’s not entirely sure if he’ll ever truly be able to work all of this out of his system, but he thinks he worked enough of it out at least. “I’m on track again. I’ve got my shit together. Promise.”
“Good.” Benny squeezes his shoulder, giving him a tight smile. “I’ll bring you some ice when I’m done checking on Carter. You need anything else?”
“No, I’m good.” Just when Benny gets to the door, though, Nathan blurts, “Don’t go to him!”
Benny turns with an eyebrow raised. “Huh?”
“Don’t go to him. Please. Just – I’ll explain to him in the morning. I’d rather him wake up confused than be afraid of you. You’ll scare the fuck out of him, Ben. Don’t ruin his good day.”
“Nathan,” Benny chides, giving him that disapproving dad look again. It doesn’t make Nathan laugh this time. “You can’t protect him from everything.”
Nathan shrugs, helpless. “I have to try.”
His best friend looks at him for a long time before sighing. He doesn’t look defeated, per se, but he looks resigned. “You’re really fucking gone for him, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.” Nathan gives him a tight smile. “Yeah, Ben. I am.”
“Okay.” Benny nods. He looks away, staring at the wall, then nods again before looking at Nathan once more. “Okay.”
Benny returns to the bed, taking a seat beside Nathan. At some point, they collapse backwards, sprawled out on top of the blankets with their clothes still on. It takes a while for Benny to pass out despite their silence, the air around them remaining heavy long after he’d lost consciousness.
It’s Carter’s ghost that’s the problem. It’s hanging over Nathan, bearing down, threatening to suffocate him in guilt and shame.
Moments haunt him.
The first time their eyes met. Carter’s trembling hand clutching his little moose close. That moment when Carter finally allowed his body to sink into Nathan’s hold after falling apart in the bathroom his first night.
Nathan’s cock nudging between Carter’s cheeks, Carter’s eyes squeezed shut, his quiet voice pleadingNo, no, no.
The boy riding Nathan’s cock, whining, begging for more, begging to come, out of his mind with pleasure.
Carter clinging to the sheets as piss soaks the material between his legs, his ass and thighs varying shades of red and purple.
An adorable frown pulling at the boy’s lips as he sleepily tries to button Nathan’s shirt. Carter sleepy and warm in his arms, dozing in Nathan’s lap as he warms his cock.
Carter sprawled out on Nathan’s desk, looking beautifully wrecked, whispering,Only one, sir. Only person to ever make me feel like this.
Carter curled up in the fetal position on Nathan’s office floor, soaked in Henley’s piss, vomit surrounding him as he sobs.
The boy grinning, his laughter still echoing in the air, soapy hands navigating Nathan’s skin as he teases,Are you going to eat me all up, sir?
