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Carter blinks slowly, his face far too calm for what he just endured. “I’m sorry, sir,” he whispers in a voice void of emotion.
He’s lax and empty, staring up at Nathan like Nathan is his God. Nathan gets the distinct impression that he could order Carter to do anything right now, and Carter would obey without hesitation. It terrifies him.
“Okay,” Nathan whispers, more to himself than to Carter. “Okay. It’s – it’s okay.
He takes the boy’s hands in his and guides him off the bed. It takes Carter a moment before he’s steady on his feet. Nathan waits a few more seconds after feeling him stabilize before actually letting go of him. He wishes he could carry the boy, but everyone would be floored if they saw a man like Nathan Roarke willingly ruining a bespoke Armani by carrying a useless slave covered in piss. If this was another life, Nathan wouldn’t give a fucking shit about scraps of clothing or people’s opinions. He would hold Carter close for hours. Days. Forever.
Then again, if this was another life, Carter wouldn’t be hurt in the first place.
Nathan grabs some wet wipes from the table beside the bondage bed, running one up the insides of Carter’s thighs. He almost smiles when the boy squirms and flushes red. It’s not a reaction of pain, it’s a reaction of embarrassment. That means Carter is still in there somewhere. He’s just hiding right now. It’s a fucking relief.
When Carter is clean enough for Nathan not to have to worry about him dripping piss on the floors upstairs, he takes the end of the boy’s leash and walks him out of the dungeon.
The first house slave Nathan passes gets the order to go clean up after them. They walk through the main area of the house soon after. Not many of his men are around. They probably assume Nathan isn’t in a good mood and want to stay out of his way. Benny is there, though. He falls into step beside Nathan the moment Nathan passes him. He looks at Carter for just a second before his eyes rebel against the sight. Then his nose wrinkles. Twisted anguish appears on Benny’s face, reflecting Nathan’s own hidden emotions.
Nathan wants to defend himself. He wants to explain what happened, and his reasoning behind it all. He wants to admit to the metal door in his mind. To the selfishness of it. To the way he had run and hid like a child instead of staying present and facing his own monstrous deeds. He wants to tell Benny that he’s destroyed right now. He wants to tell Benny that he’s terrified he may no longer be fixable.
Nathan wants to tell Benny that he can’t breathe. That he hasn’t been able to breathe. Not since he first got the order from Maison to buy Carter as his personal pleasure slave.
That’s all Nathan wants. He just wants to breathe.
He needs to fuckingbreathe.
But Nathan isn’t the victim here, he’s the villain.
So, he says nothing at all.
