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Since he has nothing better to do, Carter tries again.
I wandered lonely as a cloud…
???
Carter thinks about Elliot. He makes up a story for him. A happy one.
Happier, at least.
The man who bought Elliot is married to a kind woman. They can’t get pregnant. They’ve been trying for years. The adoption agency turned them down.
Wait, no, two men married to each other. They live somewhere that doesn’t allow same-sex adoption. They’re desperate for a family. They know it’s wrong, of course they do, but they’ll be good to him. They’ll make it up to him somehow.
Elliot has a huge bedroom overlooking a river. The river isn’t too deep. A safe place to swim. To fish. To ice skate when it freezes over.
His new parents buy him video games. One dad plays with him all the time. The other rolls his eyes and says things about frying brain cells, but they eventually lure him to the dark side and get him hooked too. On Sundays, they have Mario Kart tournaments and cook homemade pizza together.
Elliot loves them. He’s happy with them. Sometimes he misses his mom, but it gets easier. Maybe one day he’ll be able to find her again. For now, he’s content where he is. Safe. Untouched. Loved.
???
Muscles aching when he awakes, Carter rolls to his side and stretches his arms and legs as far as they can go. His toes brush something. Liquid splashes against the cold concrete. Carter holds perfectly still, unsure if he imagined it. He slowly, carefully, pulls his feet up as he pushes himself into a sitting position. He touches his foot with a finger and gasps.
It’s wet.
Tentative fingers crawl along the concrete, one inch at a time, until he finds what feels like a metal dog bowl. He doesn’t risk lifting the thing. Instead, he brings his face down to it. The water is warm. Slightly gritty.
It tastes like heaven.
Carter cries.
Make it last,he tells himself.Be smart. Make it last.
Carter puts the bowl in the corner where his two walls meet, then crawls as far away from it as his chain will allow.
Feeling confident he won’t accidentally spill it, he lays back down and closes his eyes.
???
Carter dreams of a field of daffodils. Bright yellow against lush green. There’s wind in his hair. He can smell the salt from the sea. The sun is setting. The stars will be coming out soon. Carter lifts his chin, wanting to look up at the sky so he can catch the exact moment the night takes over. But something stops him, jerking his neck painfully. He gasps.
Just as Carter grabs what seems to be a metal dog collar around his throat, not understanding why it’s there, the world goes black. It’s not an instant thing, though. It’s slow. Torturous. Color bleeds out of the sunset first. Then out of the trees. The grass. The daffodils. The world goes black and white. Then black and grays. Then,black, black, black.
When Carter wakes up, he doubts if he’s truly awake.How could he tell, when his reality and the nightmare are the same?
???
Carter licks up the last of the water. He cries, but only for thirty seconds. That’s all he gives himself. Thirty seconds. Then he forces himself to stop. This isn’t a time where he can be wasting water. Tears are a luxury he cannot afford.
???
Carter dreams of the daffodils again. They’re all dying. He stands in the field of them, slowly turning in a circle to take the sight in. The bright flowers are wilting. Turning to ash. They melt into the grass, and then that’s ash too. There’s no flame. No cause. It all just crumbles into blackened dust right before Carter’s eyes. When Carter looks at his hands, he finds his body beginning to follow.
???
Carter’s throat is bleeding.
???
The water bowl is filled again. Beside it is a piece of food the size of Carter’s palm. It tastes like stale bread. He prays that’s what it is. He eats it either way.
???
He dreams of the daffodils again.
Casey’s dead body rests among them.
Carter carefully lies down beside his friend, taking Casey’s freezing cold hand in his own.
“It’s okay,” he whispers to Casey, closing his eyes and holding on tight. “I’m here now.”
