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Chapter One
Nathanisselfish.It’sthe only explanation he has for why he hasn’t told Carter the truth yet. He’s a horrible, selfish monster who would rather hurt the man he loves than lose him.
The clock is ticking. He knows that. It’s been 37 hours since he told Maison that it’s time to tell Carter the truth, them and Benny agreeing that they’ll keep it from the director because it’d never get approved.
Maison has a burner phone to speak with Nathan about anything related to the secret, just in case the director listens to their phone calls. Benny keeps giving Nathan pointed looks. The men are asking how hurt the boy could possibly be that he’sstillnot out of Nathan’s room. Even Carter has been tentatively poking around at his reasoning for keeping him locked away.
At first, he told himself he'd wait until Carter was in a better place mentally and emotionally. When that happened, he told himself he'd wait until morning. Then morning came, and Carter was sleepy and warm and pressing kisses to Nathan's fingertips, and Nathan told himself before bed would be better anyway. Then they crawled into bed, and Carter asked Nathan if he could ride him, and Nathan told himself -promisedhimself - that he'd do it in the morning.
Carter stirs awake to the feeling of eyes on him. He blinks slowly a few times before his gaze meets Nathan's, the man propped up on an elbow beside him in bed, face turned down as he watches Carter. Carter wrinkles his nose and mumbles, "Creepy." That would usually get Nathan to laugh, but this morning… the man doesn't even smile.
Shit.
Carter forces himself back into the slave mindset sir clearly expects from him this morning, pretending his heart doesn't break as he does so. "Sorry, sir. That was disrespectful."
Something complicated happens with sir’s expression before it evens out into a neutral, cold thing that Carter’s mind correlates with biting words and leather on his skin. He lowers his gaze and tries to breathe. It’s not easy.
Sir’s voice is soft, his words slow and calculated as he says, “There’s something I need to tell you. A secret. One that is going to be quite a shock. I need you to try and keep calm, even as you get upset. You can not cause a scene. Understood?”
Carter’s chest goes tight.Is sir getting rid of him? Is he in trouble? Did he lie about his promise to kill Carter? Is it about Maison? Did something happen to Maison? Or Casey?Carter swallows the fearful questions that dance along his tongue, nearly choking on them. “Yes, sir.”
When sir speaks again, his voice is still soft, but his words are hurried and heavy with emotion. Additions to a script that he hadn’t approved. “I love you, Carter. Don’t ever forget that. I love you.”
Carter’s heart skips. “I love you too, sir.”
“I-” sir stops, releasing a shaky breath. His gaze flickers to the side, Carter’s following. His gut twists as he realizes Benny is sitting in the corner chair.What the fuck?
Carter’s heart sinks. “Is this about – I mean… did you change your mind?”
Sir frowns at him. “Change my mind about what?”
“Killing me,” Carter whispers, not sure if this is something sir would want Benny to hear.
“Oh, that.” Sir rubs a hand over his face and sighs deeply. When he looks at Carter again his expression is pinched. “Listen, Carter…”
“No.” Carter grabs sir’s shirt in his hands, not caring what Benny will think of it. “You can’t take it back. Don’t take it back. You – you promised!”
“Carter, there are things you don’t understand. Things you need to-”
“No!” Panic overwhelms Carter’s senses.What changed? What can Carter do? How can he fix this?“Sir, please. Please. I’ll be so good for you. I’ll make it worth it. I swear, I’ll be so, so good.”
Sir’s eyes are soft when he looks at Carter. “Sweetheart, you’re already so good for me.”
“I can be better.” Carter reaches a hand down to sir’s crotch, crawling onto his lap as he starts to massage him through his pants. “I’ll make you feel so good, sir. So fucking good. Just watch. Let me show you.”
“Carter, stop it.”
“I’ll even let the others touch me. Okay? I – I won’t complain or beg or anything. I’ll be so good for all of them. Benny. Your other men. Even – even Henley, okay? He can piss in my mouth again. I don’t even care, sir. Please. You have to believe me. I’ll be so, so good.”
“None of that is ever going to happen,” sir says in a low, dangerous voice. “No one but me will ever fucking touch you again. I promised you that.”
The relief from those words is short-lived. As much as he likes knowing sir won’t share him, it’s more important to get sir back on the right page. To fix whatever made sir change his mind. Nothing matters more than convincing this man to kill him – and this time, it needs to stick.
“I’ll make it worth it,” Carter whispers. He grips the man's shoulders hard and grinds down onto him. Sir's fingers dig into his bare skin to stop him, holding him so tight he can’t budge. Carter’s chest starts to cave in as he realizes this isn’t fuckingworking. “Please, please keep your promise, sir. I’ll make you feel really good until then. I'll be the best fucking slave you've ever seen. No more crying or - or getting angry or lying or any of it. I can be good.” He looks up at sir, nodding rapidly as if that will get the man to nod too. “I can be good. And then you can be done with me.”
“Shhh. None of that, sweet-”
“No!” Carter cries, nearing hysterics. “You promised! You can – can do whatever you want to me! Please, sir, whatever it is, I’ll do it. You just – you have to keep your promise. Please. This has to stop. You have to make it stop. Please, sir, please make it stop.”
