AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter Two
Lyingonaveryuncomfortable surface, in and out of consciousness, getting shit sleep, isn’t new to Carter. Spending hours with an empty stomach that won’t stop growling isn’t new to Carter. Being thirsty isn’t new to Carter. Feeling empty and lost and confused isn’t new to Carter.
But holding his bladder until he’s pretty sure it might explode?That one is new. He’s always either pissed in a corner or near a drain, asked sir for permission to go, or - when worst came to worst - just pissed himself.
Carter spends a few more minutes glaring at the half-open closet door, debating the merits of just pissing all over the stupid expensive suits around him and holding the threat of tattling to Maison if Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole tries to punish him for it.He can’t punish him anymore anyway, right?
God, how many punishments did Carter get that he shouldn’t have? How many times has he been fucked or tormented when it wasn’t necessary?
And all the little things that Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole let happen. Stray comments that dug into Carter’s skin and split him wide open. Letting his men scratch and slap and pet Carter whenever he crawled by. Everything he let Henley do, including using Carter’s mouth as a fucking urinal.
Fuck, Carter really has to piss.
Carter starts to crawl, merely because that’s just how defeated he feels at the moment, but forces himself to his feet when he realizes he looks like a slave in that position. He refuses to let himself be a slave ever again unless there’s an audience, and Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole doesn’t count as one.
Carter has no idea how much time has passed since he went into the closet. There were the watches he could have checked, but Carter honestly doesn’t care enough.What’s the point?
However long it’s been, Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole is still in the room and awake. He’s lounging back against the headboard with some sort of notebook in his lap. The moment he registers Carter’s presence, he sits up straight and tilts his chin to look at Carter directly. Carter can’t help but think he looks like a puppy in need of attention. It makes Carter scoff. He refuses to let the way Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole’s face falls bother him, turning his back to the man and heading into the bathroom.
Carter shuts the door.
He even locks it.
Take that Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole. Screw you and your rules.
And then the door’s lock clicks, and Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole is pushing the door open. Carter hasn’t even pulled his cock out to piss yet. He turns to glare at him. “Get out.”
“Fine. But leave this open.”
“Fine,” Carter growls, knowing he’s bordering on sounding like a petulant teenager. “Now. Get. Out.”
Hands up in surrender, Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole backs out of the bathroom and disappears around the corner.
After using the toilet and washing his hands, Carter takes a deep breath and forces himself back into the bedroom. He makes it halfway to the closet before Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole speaks up. “I’m glad you changed your mind.”
“About?”
“Killing yourself.” He clears his throat. “Or, well, me killing you.”
Carter keeps his back to the man, trying to decide if he feels the same. He had wanted to die so badly. So, so badly. Now that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, he’s not so sure. He’s still sort of on the fence. It’s not like he’ll ever go back to normal after all of this. It’s not like this hell is ever going to stop replaying in his mind.
Part of him still wants to die. Part of him still thinks it’d be easier than living a life plagued by memories of this shit. Plagued by nightmares of Casey and Elliot dying. Plagued by overwhelming guilt and shame. Plagued by the ghost of men’s touches and the echo of his own sobs.
Plagued by the knowledge that he fell in love with a rapist who never even loved him back.
Part of him still thinks he’d be better off dead.
Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole growls from behind him. “Why?”
Carter turns to look at the man. “Why what?”
“Why the fuck does part of you still want to die? There are only a few weeks left. Probably less.”
“I hadn’t meant to say that out loud.”
“I don’t fucking care if you meant to or not, I heard it.” Nathan/Travis/sir/asshole pushes off the bed. “Why are you still thinking like that? I promise you’re getting out of here. Okay? I fuckingpromise.”
Carter laughs humorlessly. “I’m never leaving this place. Not really. It’s a part of me now.”
