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His tone and volume grew harder and louder with every word he spoke. His hands tightened into fists upon his lap, and Daisy could see his cheeks puffing as though he was trying his absolute hardest not to yell at her at the top of his lungs.
“Papa, it is not as if I was sneaking out to meet a boy,” Daisy insisted, allowing the corners of her lips to twitch upwards, hoping that her humour might ease her father’s temper slightly. From the look on his face, he was most unimpressed, and Daisy bit the inside of her lip, partly wishing she could take the words back.
His fury was palpable, and he glared at her with such vexation that she wished she could shrink and disappear into the very wall of the carriage, though she refused to show her fear, not even to her father, the man she had loved for her entire life because he had always taught her to be strong and stand up for herself. He was the one person she was fearful of upsetting, of disappointing, and yet on this matter, she just couldn’t deny herself the opportunity whenever it presented itself.
“What is worse,” her father continued once he had clearly decided to skirt over her last comment. “You were unchaperoned! Just imagine what might have happened to you. Imagine if I had not known where you were and something awful had happened. You could have ended up anywhere, and I would never have known!”
Daisy struggled against the strong urge to roll her eyes, knowing that her father absolutely abhorred the gesture. Instead, she snorted and scoffed. “It is unfair that women should not be afforded the same opportunity for education as men!”
Already, she knew what was coming, but she did not allow her father to begin his scolding quite yet. Instead, she quickly added, “Papa, I so wish to go to school. Is that so much to ask?”
The duke’s first reaction was to huff, long and hard before inhaling deeply, and Daisy braced herself once more. She already knew well what was coming.
“Daisy, need I remind you that although I am a duke, I cannot change the law!” he stated, his tone suggesting how frustrated he was with her.He cannot be nearly as frustrated as I am!Daisy insisted to herself. Her own frustration had been growing and growing daily ever since she had been a child.
She still remembered the day it had begun to grow when she was a mere nine years old and had first expressed her wishes to one day go to school just as she had heard so many others talking about. At the time, she had been unaware or even oblivious to the fact that it had only ever been young boys and men who spoke of such things.
To her, it had been normal; to her, she was more than capable of doing anything that any boy or man could do because that was practically the way her father had raised her. She had not been scared to get her hands dirty or even climb a tree to save a cat who had got stuck in the lower branches.
Yet she had seen the look on her father’s face when she expressed a wish to go to school that first time. She remembered it every time she closed her eyes, how his face had fallen, and he had pursed his lips and slowly shook his head before announcing that it was simply something she could not accomplish.
“It is a stupid law!” Daisy announced just as she always did, and the duke’s face fell further.
“Sweetheart, how many times must I remind you? Just because you think something is stupid does not make it so? We have laws for a reason,” her father reminded her, and Daisy felt her anger growing like a deep seed in her stomach. It heated her veins and made her hands itch to tighten into fists once more. She bit the inside of her lip and lifted a hand to stroke a stray strand of strawberry blonde hair from her face. “If everyone ignored the rules, there would be anarchy.”
“Would it be so bad to allow women a proper education?” Daisy asked, her frustration only growing with every word from her father’s lips. “What exactly do you believe will happen? Will we somehow take over the world? Goodness forbid that a woman should be able to speak her own mind and have her own education rather than relying on her husband!”
“Daisy Elizabeth Lockhart! Enough with this lunacy! You are well aware of the rules, and you are in direct violation of them every time you set foot on Oxford University grounds!” her father snapped back at her. Though Daisy wasn’t sure that his words were entirely true, she decided it was best not to test him on it directly.
Instead, she responded, “Would you have prevented Mother from listening to the lectures if she had been so taken to do so?”
A flash of pain shot through her father’s brown gaze, so much like her own, and she instantly regretted the words said in anger. A pang pierced her heart, and she gritted her teeth, preparing for her father’s reaction.
He did not act as she had expected him to. He did not grow angry or yell at her further. Instead, he hung his head and sighed deeply, only making her feel even worse. If he had yelled at her, she would have accepted it, but she could feel the pain coming off him in waves at the mention of his late wife, and Daisy’s stomach twisted into an agonising knot.
“Papa, I …” she began apologizing, but her father quickly lifted his hand to cut her off with a shake of his head. At that very moment, the carriage drew to a halt, and Daisy realised they had pulled up right outside the front door of her father’s townhouse. Holding her breath, she waited for what she knew was coming.
“I think you ought to go up to your room and think on what you have done,” her father insisted through gritted teeth. He did not meet her gaze, which made Daisy feel even worse about what she said. She half opened her mouth to offer another apology but seeing the grim expression on her father’s face, she quickly pursed her lips once more and dipped her head to him instead.
I’m sorry, Papa,she thought silently, hoping he would understand how badly she felt for ever having said such a thing. Yet, at the age of twenty and one, being told to go up to her room, she felt like a scolded child and found herself glaring at her father in silent rage for several moments. Finally deciding it was better to brood in silence than say something else she might regret, she threw herself from the carriage the moment the driver opened the door.
Her father’s butler, having obviously been awaiting them, only just managed to open the house’s front door before she stormed inside.
“Lady Daisy,” the butler greeted her respectfully with a bow, though she ignored him, too fuming to bother with the niceties. She could already hear her stepmother tutting, offering some infuriating words to her father as he entered the house behind her.
“Daisy Lockhart, it is most unbecoming to stomp up the stairs like an elephant!” her father called after her, obviously eddied on by his new wife.Would you have bothered to say such a thing if she were Mother?
Daisy asked herself, wondering whether maybe her mother might have been the one to comment instead. Imagining that her mother had calmly told her to ease off on her father, she stopped her stomping and continued to her room, holding back the tears that threatened every time she imagined what things might have been like if her mother hadn’t died.
It would not change the fact that she was unable to go to school; she was no fool in thinking that, but perhaps if her mother had still been around, she might have been able to encourage her father to give her some kind of education other than needlework and reading romance novels and practising her airs and graces.
When she thought of walking up and down the parlour with a book atop her head, trying not to let it fall, her neck began to ache. It had been a long time since then, and yet it still made her feel nauseous whenever she thought of all the spinning and steps she’d had to master for every dance performed at the balls she was to attend as a young debutant and new arrival among the ton.
She was glad those days were long gone, and she had managed to half-melt into society, overshadowed by the newer and younger girls who were entering into society every year, and yet now she found herself bored. She was regularly invited for tea, luncheon, or even dinner at this noble’s or that, along with her father, his wife, and her stepsister, and yet it was not nearly enough to occupy her thoughts and keep her out of trouble.
The moment she entered the safety of her room, she kicked off her slippered shoes and threw herself down onto her bed. The cushions welcomed her, enveloping her in their softness, and she closed her eyes to breathe out a deep and calming sigh. She knew all too well that her father and his wife would be talking about her, about how rebellious and mischievous she was, and how much of a bad influence she was to her younger stepsister, Bertha Lockhart.
Yet there was nothing she could do to change her inquisitive and rebellious nature. She had tried, truly she had, and yet nothing seemed to be able to stop her longing, her urge to know more about the world and soak up all the knowledge she could before she lost the chance to do so forever.
