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“Now, you need to put the rein up over her head and hold it there as you climb on. Your foot needs to go in here.” I demonstrate which boot and stirrup to use to hoist up onto the horse. I lift myself and settle into the saddle. It’s as if I never left. The most natural thing in the world to me is being on the back of a horse, saddled or bareback. I feel free.
Sebastian does exactly as I showed him and settles himself on the horse’s back. He wriggles from side to side to find a more comfortable way to sit. “Well, would you look at me on the back of a horse. I’m not sure I’m ready for Rylee to do this, though.”
“I wouldn’t use a big horse like these two with her. We have smaller breeds for teaching young kids. Don’t worry. I wouldn’t put her or you in danger. I trust these animals with my life… well, Holly, anyway, because I trained her.” His face pales, and his eyes go wide, then he makes a move to get off. I let out a loud laugh. “I’m kidding. Stay on the horse. My brothers wouldn’t keep a horse here if it didn’t fit into what we use them for. Kids are around these animals daily. Calm down.”
“Not funny. I’m already on edge being on this thing. It’s no race car, that’s for sure.”
“Oh, they have so much power. Maybe you can try cantering through an open field.”
He shakes his head furiously. “No thanks. I’ll leave that to the professionals. Slow and steady here while I find my feet in this saddle.”
“Okay, let’s get going. What you want to do is give a little click of the tongue and a gentle nudge in the tummy… nothing too aggressive. With the reins, keep them slack, and when we need to navigate, just a gentle tug whichever way we’re going.”
Sebastian nods as I give my directions. I click my tongue and give a little nudge to Holly, and she heads down the dirt road. My hips move with her body as she takes the lead, and Sebastian and Dolly follow.
I glance over my shoulder. Sebastian’s brow is furrowed, and he’s looking down at the horse that moves gracefully behind me. “Don’t concentrate too hard, or she might read your thoughts and take off on you,” I call.
“Oh, be quiet, you. Stop trying to rile me. I’m not sure how Rylee will do on a horse.” His knuckles whiten as he grips the reins. I drop Holly back to walk beside them, our legs bumping against each other as the horses move.
“She’ll take to it no problem. I’ve always found that young kids are scared their first few times and only for a short while until they adjust to the horse, and then they’re having so much fun. You’ve got this, big-time race car driver. It’s just a different kind of horsepower.” Leaning over, I rub Holly’s neck. She snorts her appreciation.
“You can say that again, and I swear, my butt is going to be sore tomorrow.”
Throwing my head back, I laugh. “You’ll be sore in more places than your butt. You’ll figure out muscles that haven’t been used in a while.”
We get to a fork in the road, and I lead Holly to the left and through an open set of gates. Dolly follows Holly’s lead. We ride in peaceful silence. The only sounds are the birds in the trees and field, and some cows mooing in the distance. Hooves clack on the dirt road. It’s so peaceful. I suck in a deep breath until my lungs are full, and I can taste the pine scent on my tongue.
“You seem relaxed here. The way you ease into the saddle and let the horse take the lead,” Sebastian comments.
I turn to him. His eyes are forward on the road ahead. His body has relaxed a little. “I’ve not felt this kind of peace in a long time. I left three years ago and only came back a day before you got here,” I say, not remembering if I’ve told him already or not.
Those deep eyes, full of concern, take me in. “It was the guy, wasn’t it?”
I nod. “Yeah, I found the wrong guy, and the only good thing to come out of that situation is Olive.” A bulldozer of emotions rolls through me.
Hurt.
Loss.
Suffering.
If I were a volcano, I’d have erupted ages ago.
“That’s not good. I hope things get better for you. Is that guy still hanging around? Must be hard having a kid together,” he asks, and I keep my eyes facing forward, not wanting to see what I’m sure will be pity in his eyes. It’s always the same whenever I tell people. Yes, I stayed with a bad man. There were good times, but they were never enough to drown out the bad. Even when he became better for a little while, I was waiting for the penny to drop and him to lash out. I was stupid, but I found it hard to leave once I was in that situation. “Remember when I told you I know what it’s like to lose someone?”
“Yes,” he replies cautiously.
“Well, he… Eli, his name was, ended his life. So, it’s just Olive and m-me now.” My voice cracks and I’m unable to stop the trickle of tears that slip down my face.
Sebastian reaches for my hand. It’s a little awkward, so I call Holly to a halt and turn to Sebastian. Understanding shines in his eyes, not an ounce of pity there. I have no idea why the heck I’m opening up to him. Why is it so easy for me to do so?
He takes my hand. A tingling I’ve not felt in a long time works its way up my arm and jabs me right in the heart, electrifying me.
“I’m sorry for your loss. Even if he wasn’t a nice guy, it’s not an easy thing to go through. If you don’t want to talk about it, we can change the subject.” His large, warm hand covers mine, which rests on my thigh, and he gives it a gentle squeeze. A calming sensation washes over me at his tenderness.
“It’s okay. I’ve not spoken about it much with anyone. I only told Harley the same day you arrived. None of my other family members know. I hadn’t really spoken to them since the night I had a full blow-out with my father three years ago. They weren’t there for Olive’s birth or for the medical issues I had after. Sometimes I wonder if it was the stress Eli caused me that brought about my health problems after Olive was born.” I pour out the words as though I’m a broken faucet, and it feels great not to have the judgment or pity from my family. Spending time with Sebastian and talking to him is so easy and lightens the load I’m carrying on my shoulders and dragging behind me.
“Your scar?” Those chocolate-like eyes bore into mine.
