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Chapter 1
Kennedy
“Did you shower today?”
I scrunched the phone between my shoulder and my ear as warmth spread through me.As long as Liam Barron kept asking me that question, I knew someone cared about me.
A lot of people cared, but it was the mischievous way he asked that meant he not only cared, he was comfortable enough with me to joke about it.“Yes, Liam.I showered.You don’t have to ask me that anymore.”
“Mmm.”His dubious low rumble went right through the phone into my ear.I suppressed a shiver.Liam had a nice voice.I’d always known it.It was just more noticeable today because I had the phone squished against my ear, so his voice was like an injection to the brain.I’d set it down, but then he’d know I was up to something.
I pulled another flannel shirt off a hanger.Hints of cedar and the fabric softener I used surrounded me.My eyelids drifted shut and I inhaled.Longing tugged at my heart, but the feeling didn’t topple me over like it used to.Didn’t mean today was easy, just that I could keep moving forward without succumbing to grief.
“Kenny.”Liam was the only one who got away with calling me Kenny instead of Kennedy.Not even my husband had given me a nickname, but as Derek’s cousin and best friend, Liam felt the need to set himself apart from everyone else in my life.As if he had to work hard to do that.
“I’m fine.”I’d been saying that to keep my mother and my in-laws from worrying for the last few months, but this time I meant it.Today was hard, but it was something I had to do.It was something I couldn’t mess up.“I really am.”
“You slept okay?”
“You don’t have to do this anymore.”I hated that he was compelled to check on me in the first place, yet I was terrified that he’d quit.And I wouldn’t tell him that he’d called at the perfect time.Liam knew how to not only stick with me in a dark place but to also see me through to the other side.
“How’s work?”he asked, undaunted.
I slipped another navy-blue polo shirt off a hanger.I discreetly sniffed the shirt.Funny how smells could unbury memories faster than a blink.I could almost feel Derek’s body heat when he’d hug me tight after he got home from work.I missed it.So damn much.Tears seared the backs of my eyes, but I blinked them away.Carefully, I set the hanger down.
If Liam had one inkling of what I was doing, he’d rush over.If anyone else knew what I was doing, they’d try to talk me out of it.My mom would fret and think I was overtaxing myself.My in-laws would tell me it was fine to keep the house the way it was for eternity.
Maybe it was, but I needed to do something different with this place.I needed to feel like it was mine and not a monument to what once was and would never be again.And I needed to do it now.Emptying my husband’s side of the closet a year and a half after I watched his casket be lowered into the ground was something I had to do when I was motivated.I couldn’t wait.I couldn’t let the dread build.
“Work is fine.”
“Mmm.”That rumble.
I slowly folded the polo and put it on the giveaway pile.I’d save whatever I wanted to save.When I’d first started this, I thought I’d pack Derek’s side of the closet and end up unpacking everything right back onto hangers.Maybe I still would.“What?It’s fine.”
“Kenny, it was Derek that told me that when a woman says fine, I’d better turn into a private investigator and find out what I’d done wrong.”
My lips quirked.Liam didn’t listen to anyone.Derek had been different.Liam’s grandma, Gin, was the only other exception.The town held Liam’s attitude against him, but I understood.As the illegitimate son of one of Coal Haven’s most affluent and powerful men, Liam had had a rough start.He’d tragically lost his mother when he was a baby and was raised by her parents while the rest of his family resented his presence in the world.Everyone but Derek.“Work is good.Really.I vibe really well with Marion, and she respects my experience.”Most of the time.
“But you’re still justhelpingthe teacher and nottheteacher.”
I sighed.For striking out so bad when it came to women, Liam was an incredibly perceptive friend.Just after Christmas break was over, I’d gotten a job as a paraprofessional at the school where I used to teach.Being an aide for the third-grade teacher for the last three months had been nice.She was a good teacher—proficient and competent.But helping wasn’t what I’d done before.I’d been the teacher, not the aide.
“I messed up.I have to do my time and climb back up the ladder.Wait for an opening and hope my withdrawal from life for over a year won’t be held against me.”
“You didn’t mess up; you’re too good for that.You were in mourning, and they’ll understand.”
Only time would tell how understanding my boss would be.He’d been the one who’d had to figure out what to do with an entire classroom of kids when I couldn’t stop sobbing in the bathroom and then had just walked out.
Would I land a full-time teaching gig before my bills saidtime to move?I didn’t want to think about it today.“How are the boys?”
“I’m not home yet, but Grandma Gin said they’ve been pure hell.”
My laughter made the task of slipping another shirt off a hanger a little less painful.Two five-year-old kids against an ornery grandma?“I feel like they’d be more likely to say Grandma Gin has been pure hell.”
He laughed, then his tone turned serious.“She wants to put the place up for sale soon.Like in the next couple of months.”
Liam’s grandpa had died a few years ago, and Grandma Gin had floundered.Liam had helped her liquidate the cattle to pay off lingering debts.Then, he’d moved home to Coal Haven but commuted to his job on an oil field outside of Williston almost three hours away.
