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My mouth hitched up.“What if we go to Bismarck and hit the thrift shops?See what you can overhaul.We’ll bring the kids and take them somewhere fun to eat or go to a park.”My excitement grew with each sentence.It was one thing to hang out at my dreary house or his lively place.But to shed it all and go somewhere else?
I calmed myself down.He was probably busy.I had no claims to his time.
“You got yourself a date.”
My heart stuttered.“A date” echoed in my brain.Quit being silly.“Let me know when works for you.”
“Saturday,” he said without hesitation.“I’ll pick you up at nine.We’ll have to get our shit done before we eat.It’s the carrot on the stick for the kids.Owen needs incentive.”
“Okay.I’ll see you then.Oh, Liam.”My hand tightened around the phone.I didn’t know why I was going to keep talking, but I couldn’t stop.I didn’t want to get off the phone, but Liam had to know how much he’d done for me in this call alone.He’d taken me seriously about Eli’s speech and the farmers market idea.Our relationship was more than one-sided, and he needed to know that.“I’ve always treasured your friendship, but you really mean a lot to me.Thank you.For everything.”
“Same, Kenny.I’m not letting the only other person besides Grandma Gin that doesn’t think I’m a piece of crap out of my life.”His tone was light, but his words weren’t.
I ached for him.He was a special guy, but too many people had made him feel differently.“The people who can’t see what a good guy you are don’t know you.”
“Well, it’ll have to be our little secret.”
It shouldn’t be a secret.He and Derek had gotten into a lot of trouble as kids.Derek had told me all the stories.Off-roading through a quarry.Losing a four-wheeler trying to ice fish on the river.Taking their horses through Tasty Queen’s drive-through.When it came to Derek, it wasboys will be boys.When it came to Liam, he was a good-for-nothing.“See you Saturday.”
“Looking forward to it.”
He clicked off, but I continued staring at the ceiling.The countdown to Saturday had started in my head.T minus three days.Only, I couldn’t tell if I was excited because I didn’t have to spend the weekend home alone, or if I couldn’t wait to spend the day with Liam.
I stared at the ceiling.A different feeling seeped into my bones.A heaviness, neediness.Heat wicked along my body until it pooled between my legs.
Sucking my lower lip into my mouth, I concentrated on a pattern in the popcorn ceiling that resembled the constellation Orion.Three larger hunks in a tight line with a few more prominent ones spattered around it.
I knew this day would come.The day my hormones remembered I was in my midtwenties and had a sex drive that hadn’t been used for too long.A sex drive that hadn’t been wanted for too long.The few times it had thought to rear its head, I’d dissolved into a puddle of tears in my bed.I’d refused to do anything about it.The memory of Derek’s arms around me, the way he kissed me, the groans he’d made when he came.They’d ripped open the gaping hole inside me.
I waited for that moment.For the tears.For the hole to wrench open wider.
Only a steady throb that made me want to scissor my legs remained.The longing was there.I missed my husband.If I orgasmed, I wanted it to be with him.With him, I’d been safe.Cherished.But he was gone.There was just me, and I was curious what, if anything, worked for me now, and if I wanted it to.
Who was Kennedy Barron, and how did she handle being horny?
Feeling like I needed physical relief brought up more questions.
If I could handle being horny, could I handle dating?Making a profile on an app?
Was I ready?
The latter questions were for another time.Right now, I was going to go with this feeling until I came or I cried or both.Like with cleaning out the closet and the drawers, figuring out how our automatic payments for the mortgage were set up, signing up for health insurance under my name with my new job, I had to do this.On my own.
I rolled off the couch, shut off the lights and went to my bedroom.No matter what happened, I’d go to the cemetery tomorrow and talk to Derek about it.Maybe meet with my therapist.Or both.
Liam parked outside his garage.His was more spacious than mine, also detached, but filled with so much of his grandpa’s stuff that Liam would have a hard time fitting a bicycle in there.There were already at least six.Bob Pewter hadn’t been able to throw anything away.He’d been a pack rat, but Grandma Gin hadn’t been able to get rid of his more eccentric collections, like bicycles and record players with no records.
Liam, Eli, Owen, and I had spent the day in Bismarck.Liam had picked me up and we all drove down, playing I Spy games from Coal Haven to the interstate.When we returned to Coal Haven, Liam had asked if I wanted to be dropped off at home.I’d said I wanted to unload the items he’d picked up at the salvage yard and we’d selected at the thrift stores.Liam thought he could bulk up his booth with colorful, functional furniture.We’d stopped for chalk paint supplies.I’d added some design ideas, and Liam had chosen the paint colors I recommended.
I hadn’t been ready for the day to end.The endless energy swirling around Liam and the kids was a security blanket.It reminded me of having my own classroom, where I was the hub and the others were the welcome chaos.After being so sick most of my teenage years and missing the parties and the sleepovers and the noise, I had fed on it.
Liam killed the engine and twisted around to look in the back seat.“We’re going to pay for today.”
It was like two tiny little Liams napped in the back seat.The boys were losing their toddler cherub cheeks, and they’d insisted on having their hair cut like their dad’s.Short on the sides, longer on top.
When I looked at those two, so peaceful in sleep, all was right in my world.“They’re going to be awake until midnight.”
“Yup.”Liam got out and opened the door on Eli’s side.“I’ll be back for Owen.”
