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I shamelessly distracted them with food, baking, and bath time.But when those activities were done, I was again bombarded with the reality of why Liam wasn’t home yet.
After the first two years of their lives, when Payton had moved them all over Williston, leaving them with friends and acquaintances, they thrived on a predictable routine.
Eli melted down at the bottom of the stairs.I’d been trying to herd them up the stairs for an hour.Owen ran through the house like I’d given him 5 Hour Energy instead of milk for supper.
Something was going on.I had slept over before, but that was when Liam was working.Their dad was home, but he wasn’thome.“Would you feel better if you slept in your dad’s bed tonight?”
Eli sniffled and rubbed his eyes.Both boys nodded.
“I’ll lie with you until you go to sleep.”
It didn’t take more than one story before both kids were asleep.I lay in the dark and stared at the ceiling.I was on top of the comforter, a boy on each side under the blankets, but Liam’s scent surrounded me.It was more delicate than his freshly showered smell, but it soaked into my clothes.
What was he doing right now?
Had he and Laney kissed yet?
Heat blazed in my belly.Jealousy?
No.I was lonely.
I rolled up so abruptly, I worried I’d awakened the kids.They shifted but stayed asleep.
I crawled off the end, wishing Liam’s scent stayed in the bed.In the guest room, I undressed down to my underwear and threw on my nightshirt.I kept a pair of sweats on the nightstand in case the kids woke up in the night.
I got between the covers, which smelled less of Liam and his aftershave.I closed my eyes, but they popped back open.I flipped to my back.Restless.Unsatisfied.Needy.
Questions about Liam’s night tried to rise in my mind, but I quashed them.They were replaced with the comment my sister had made about dating.
I had told her I wasn’t ready.But I was in bed wishing I was on a date instead.My mind rebelled, but my body thought it was a fine idea.Heat pooled between my legs like it’d been doing so often lately.The more active I was, the more my body continued to remind me that I was a mature woman who got turned on.Who thought about sex.Who wondered what it would be like to sleep with someone other than—
I chewed on my lip.The first time I’d thought that, it’d felt scandalous.Sacrilegious.Like I was a cheater.Each time after only made it easier to ponder.
I shook my head, my hair brushing against the pillow.I could dwell on sex as much as I wanted in my own house.This was not the place.
But somehow it was easier here.I wasn’t in my own bed.I wasn’t in the home I’d shared with my husband.Here it was easier to think about what I felt and what it meant—and not have the answers.For once the answers didn’t depend on someone else.They depended on me.
Liam
Laney’sbare leg brushed mine again as she tilted on her barstool, closer to me.“And then Papa says that he went and called them.Canceled everything without consulting me.”She rolled her eyes and took a pull of her White Claw.
“Pissed you off?”
“Fuck, yeah.Partnering with a genetics company for our seed bulls would ease a lot of expenses, and we could charge so much more a head.”
Well, that finally answered my question.If she was worried about the finances of her family’s ranch, then she wasn’t looking to buy more land or land and a house.
We’d been here for hours.I didn’t think I could feel my ass anymore, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up.Then we’d have to decide.Did I cut Laney loose and explain to her, and somehow to myself, that even though I hadn’t been laid in months, jacking off in the shower like it was part of my routine after shaving, I wasn’t interested in doing anything more than knuckle bumping her and going our separate ways?
The first part of the night had been safe territory.My story after graduation.She’d heard it differently from her parents, which was probably how the rumors blew through Coal Haven.I’d knocked Payton up, fucked my way through Williston while she was pregnant, and then she got sick of my shit and dumped the kids on my doorstep.Accurate, except for reversing our roles up to the part where she couldn’t relinquish her rights fast enough once she’d realized I wasn’t her free ride.
Laney said she’d moved to Texas and gone to college for marketing.She didn’t say that she moved nearly as far away from her family as she could without jumping oceans.She also didn’t comment on what she’d done after school.And there was one glaring detail I’d noticed about her, but if she wasn’t bringing it up, neither was I.
She actually didn’t talk about herself that much.She was a good listener, and that wasn’t a trait I’d remembered.
She rested her elbow on the table, her body angled toward mine.“Sorry to hear about your grandpa.”
“Didn’t think I’d hear a Granger say that.”
