AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I was here now, so I knocked.
* * *
Emery
I peered out the door and immediately wished I wore something other than flannel pajama pants and a long-sleeved shirt with pumpkins all over it. I was trying to keep my heating bill down as much as possible. Cuteness didn’t factor into my Saturday nights home alone.
Holden had seen me in similar clothing before, but with his wide shoulders blocking out the door’s peephole and the shadows giving his face an extra-rugged appeal, that thought didn’t make me feel better.
If I kept staring at him, he might leave, thinking I was ignoring him. And I wouldn’t get a wink of sleep wondering why he stopped by. I pushed open the screen door and stepped back. “Is everything okay?”
He came in. “I was at Rattler’s, and Holly showed up.”
I closed the door on the brisk air that followed him in. My brain spun around Holly’s name, wondering how jealous I should be—and why. “Okay?”
“She drank out of my beer, and when I said she could just have it, she joked that it was nice that I bought her a drink.”
I pressed my lips together, fighting a sudden and inexplicable wave of rage. It was just a beer, and I wasn’t fighting over any guy. But part of me thoughtThis is it. He realized he could do better.“Okay.”
He studied me, his gaze jumping between my eyes. “Does any of that bother you?”
I feathered my fingers over the hem of my top. Yes, it bothered me, and that was a state I didn’t want to be in. But I wasn’t sure why we were standing in my entrance talking about it. “Should it?”
His brow furrowed. “No. I’m not interested in anyone but you.”
I nearly pumped my fist in the air. Ha! He didn’t want her more than me, and I wasecstatic. And I should admit that—to him and to myself. “I’m not interested in anyone but you either.”
He tensed like he was balancing on a precarious ledge. “So, we’re exclusive?”
“I’m not seeing anyone else. And I don’t want to.”
“Okay.” Satisfaction gleamed in his eyes, but he didn’t grab me in a hug or swing me around. Did couples celebrate being exclusive?Yay, you’re not fucking anyone else…
No, his shoulders were tight, and the crease was still in his forehead. Something was on his mind. “Holden, what’s wrong?”
“I didn’t want to go out with Stetson tonight. I didn’t want to sit in Rattler’s nursing a beer. I didn’t want to feel like an ass because Holly was there and I didn’t know what you’d think. I wanted to fold laundry and watch a movie with you.”
Oh. I wasn’t ready for the stark vulnerability that yawned in my belly. I’d been home wishing he was here, too, and wondering why I thought distance was best for me when I spent that time missing him. “I wanted that too. Too much.”
“How could it be too much?”
I twisted my hands. “Holden, my life has pivoted so many times in the last year and a half. If this—if you and I—” I let out a gusty breath. I would get the words out. He needed to hear them. “If you feel like moving on, I don’t want to sit and talk myself through another man walking out the door. I don’t want to have to explain to the kids why another man doesn’t seem to want them in his life.” Tears filled my eyes and I swiped at the corners. This was why I had suffered loneliness instead of being with Holden. “I don’t want to lie in bed crying again. And I hate that I’m so scared because of Henry. He shouldn’t be a part of this.”
He closed the distance between us and cupped my face. “Henry is a part of this. He’s always going to be a part of your life. I don’t know what you’re going through, and I won’t pretend I do. All I know is that there’s something between us I don’t want to walk away from. And if you want to take it slow, we’ll take it slow. I just want to know that you’re not going to shove me out without talking to me first.”
I hadn’t talked to him first. He was considerate with me and the kids. He’d put me first and given me space. And I’d blocked him out. “Henry asked if we were serious today. I didn’t know what to say.”
He stroked my lower lip with one of his thumbs. “Do you want to be serious?”
The tears were back. Being exclusive was one thing, but committing to another relationship terrified me. “That’s the problem. I’m scared.”
He pulled me into his arms. “I know. I’m scared too. How about we start with me folding some shirts and pants?”
I could handle folding laundry with a handsome man. And wasn’t that where most relationships leveled out? “Can we end with you making more of your pancakes for me to save for supper tomorrow night?”
