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“Cool. You’ll have fun. Wait here. I’ll lead Midnight out.”
Holden led Poppy to the end of the arena away from the group. He looked at Riley. “Ready?”
“Ho-sey.” She wiggled and I lifted her up to him. He settled her in front of him with an arm banded around her.
“You okay with this?”
“Of course.” My belly was doing weird flips seeing him with a little kid about to ride off. It wasn’t a trust issue. I loved the image in front of me. I wanted to see more of it.
I heard Avery’saw, manand Colt’s deep chuckle. Avery hadn’t won the bet.
Nora came out with her horse. I had expected the horse to be black with a name like Midnight, but he was gray and spotted with black, like a reversal of the night sky with the black dots as stars.
My stomach settled down as she introduced me to Midnight and let me get to know him. Just like with the kayaks, she was competent and responsible. She coached me through putting my left foot in the stirrup and swinging up. She was like her brother, too responsible to throw me onto the back of a horse and let me go.
Nora took the lead rope and started down the driveway. I craned my neck around to look after the kids. Holden was staying close to the arena. Stetson was leading his big brown horse with Landon on top around the back of the house. Colt stalked next to Avery as she concentrated on the reins. Afton and Isla were giggling. Isla stayed in the arena and stuck close to Afton’s side.
“I feel like I’m more scared than they are.”
Nora’s laugh was like a silver bell. “You’re doing fine. You don’t mind that I tossed you up?”
“No. It’s not usually me doing the fun stuff. I arrange it for the kids and then make sure everyone survives.”
“Our mom wasn’t like that.” Nora’s smile slipped. “She still isn’t. But I don’t think I would’ve survived childhood without Holden. Mom’s an ‘only the strong survive’ type of person.”
“But a parent is the one who should nurture a kid to be strong.”
“Holden was that person for me, but according to Mom, he failed.” She adopted a sunny smile before I could say anything. “You seem like an awesome mom.”
If she wanted to change the subject, I’d go along with it. From what little I’d seen and heard of Kira Barron, I didn’t think Nora was exaggerating. “Thanks. I worried so much with the older two, and I still do, but now it’s just so busy with all of them that I let the idea of perfect parenting go.”
“I’m really glad Holden met you.”
“Me too.” But Nora’s approval meant a lot. She was important to him.
The dried wild grasses crackled under her boots. “I worried about him. He’s such a good brother and he loves being around people, but he was always alone in his empty house. It was like he built it to have a family, yet he never dared to have another girlfriend.”
Being called a girlfriend was a little trippy. I relaxed into Midnight’s sway.
Nora kept walking. “I thought maybe it was Coal Haven, and there’s no way he’s leaving, so he might be single forever. This has been his life since before he was born. Mom even hated him going to college.”
“Isn’t this what he wants to do?”
“Oh, it is. He loves farming and ranching. But I always thought he wanted what we didn’t have growing up—a close warm family and a business that he, not our uncle Cameron, ran. Mom does whatever Uncle Cameron says.”
“I haven’t met your mom.”
She gave me a rueful look. “If you ever do, hold your ground or she’ll stomp you into it.”
“Okay. I’ll pretend I’m facing off with an arrogant med student who thinks he’s so far above nurses.”
“Good. Don’t let her scare you off. I like you.”
“I like you too.” We exchanged smiles.
Nora turned us around, but we took our time heading back. She talked to me about college and how she didn’t have plans afterward. When anyone asked, she said she was job hunting, but she secretly hoped things would fall into place.
The ride lulled me into imagining what it’d be like to be part of this family. Henry and I had decided to have four kids so they would have people. Holden had people, and they were amazing to me and to each of my kids.
When I factored that into my relationship with Holden, I should’ve been terrified. I’d lose all this if I lost him. But the way Nora talked, Holden knew what he wanted. He didn’t change his mind. He wasn’t the type of guy who’d decide he wanted something different and didn’t care who he hurt to do it.
I wanted to sit with that, to think about how it changed the way I was holding myself back.
