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She never cried.
She shifted on the bed.
“What’s wrong?” Arabella sat up, gazing down at her with concern on her face. “It was my first time, you know. I hope I wasn’t too—well, I hope it was—” She was fumbling her words, her brow furrowed, and Caroline felt wretched that she had done anything to make her think that she was anything less than perfect.
“You were amazing,” Caroline said. “That was a beautiful experience.” She sat up and blinked back her tears, drawing in a deep breath. “We shared something incredible. There is nothing wrong.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. Now come here.” She drew Arabella back into her arms, pulled the sheet over them, and stared up at the ceiling as Arabella relaxed into sleep beside her.
Right now, she wanted Arabella to feel as wonderful as possible after her first sexual experience. Thatdidn’tinclude Caroline weeping and piling her problems on her. Arabella always listened to her, and supported her, and helped her through her problems. She was worried that she was starting to depend too much on Arabella, and she didn’t want to take advantage of her sweet nature.
It was time that Caroline made sure that Arabella was treated like the treasure she was.
She also very much wanted to be the woman that Arabella clearly adored. She knew Arabella saw her as strong and confident.
She couldn’t bear to see that light in Arabella’s eyes dim as she realized that Caroline was floundering in her new role, that she was losing control of her brothers and sisters as they ran amok through Inverley with their new fortune.
She wanted to be strong. She wanted to be able to protect Arabella. Most of all, she wanted to be the type of woman that Arabella deserved to be with.
Chapter Fourteen
Arabella saw Caroline the next afternoon at the promenade. She paused before handing her shilling to the attendant who guarded the entrance to the private mile-long walk beside the shore. Caroline was with her sisters, Lady Margaret, Grace, and Lady Edith, and they were talking together near one of the benches which lined the gravel path.
Caroline was as striking as ever, her dark brown hair caught up in a shining net of silver thread and pearls, one elegant hand resting at her throat as she listened to Grace speak. Arabella might have been the one lucky enough to lay with her, but seeing Caroline dressed in her finery, shiny in the sunlight like a newly minted penny, surrounded by fashionable ladies as if she had always belonged among them—well.
It put things into sad perspective.
It reminded her that shedidn’tbelong.
She still struggled to stand up to James, or to the men who pushed their way around Caroline to pay court to her. She still felt tongue-tied and shy. Inconsequential.
She may have gained entrance to a lover’s bed, but what claim did she have in the daylight?
“Madam?” The attendant caught her attention, and Arabella dropped the coin into his hand and hurried onto the path.
They had agreed to meet this morning with her family and with Grace and Lady Edith, Arabella reminded herself. This had been the plan even before their intimacies yesterday. She had been invited. This wasn’t a craven effort to comb the streets of town and fling herself in Caroline’s path, begging for attention.
Begging to be noticed.
To be touched.
Even though that was exactly what she had wanted to do since their passionate interlude yesterday.
Seeing her today threw her senses into disarray. How was it that they had set the bed aflame with passion, and now they were to behave as if nothing had happened?
But suitresses didn’t beg. At least, Arabella didn’t think they should. She should hold her head up high, with confidence, even if she didn’t feel confident inside. After all, this magnificent woman had chosenherto cavort with. That was worth something. Wasn’t it?
This was merely an afternoon like so many others that Caroline and Arabella had spent in each other’s company, with the exception that instead of strolling along the sandy shores of Inverley for free, they had chosen the gravel path reserved for those who could afford it. It was but ten feet difference. Arabella eyed the metal chain that separated the promenade from the beach. She was worth no more or no less as a person, regardless of the side of the chain she walked.
Caroline smiled when she saw her. “Arabella! Now that you are here, you have made the afternoon perfect.”
Susan and Betsy rushed up to her and started chattering about the minutiae of their life as if she would be as fascinated as they were about their new teacups that were so fine one could almost see the tea through the china, or the fancy spoons that were stamped with the mark of a famous London silversmith. She relaxed in their presence, as familiar with them as if they were her own sisters, and she met Caroline’s eyes over their heads.
Being among them felt like home.
Betsy, Susan, and Lady Edith fell into their own conversation of poetry and novels, assuring one another that poetry was by far the better entertainment, and that none of them enjoyed gothics, deriding them as silly. And yet in the same breath, Betsy encouraged Lady Edith to walk with them the next day to have a view of the great and terrible widow’s mansion that all of the Reeves thought was absolutelypositivelyhaunted.
