AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Then why don’t you wish to talk about it?”
“Because not everything can be resolved through talking, Bell,” she snapped. “I can’ttalkthings into seeming better than they are. I don’t have the luxury to dream my problems away.”
“You think I don’t know this?” Arabella cried. “I, who kept my secret for years about Mr. Worthington? I worried myself sick, dreading the repercussions to my name if he breathed a word of our indiscretion. I coped by dreaming away my problems because I didn’t wish to live forever doing penance through memory. But nothing was more healing to me than opening myself to you about it. Talking about ithelped.” She was magnificent with her face shining, and her chest heaving, the strength of her conviction in every taut line of her body.
Caroline’s heart ached. “I’m so sorry. I spoke out of turn. It was unkind of me.”
“You wanted me to speak my mind. Well, we used to talk more every day when we were neighbors. I miss it. I miss—you.” Arabella picked at a stray thread in the linen sheet.
“We still see each other all the time,” Caroline said.
“It’s not the same as it was.”
Even though they were more intimate than ever as lovers, it had stripped away her ability to talk to Arabella as a friend. It wasn’t fair to either of them. Caroline realized with a start that she had been so concerned about deserving Arabella’s affection and hiding her fears that she had eroded the most important part of their relationship.
Caroline blew out a breath. “I’m having a hard time of it, Bell.” The words felt stuck in her throat at first, but it was easier to continue once she started. “I have raised my family alone for so many years. It was hard enough before, when we had nothing but each other. I kept Betsy and Susan out of trouble as best I could. I helped Jacob to be hired at the shop. I taught Will and George to read and pushed them to accept extra tutoring from the vicar. And now that they have the world at their fingertips—what need do they have of me?” She could hear her voice rise higher and her breath caught.
Arabella wrapped her arms around Caroline’s middle. She pulled her close and buried her head in her neck. “You did everything for them. You have been a wonderful sister.”
Had she been? She wasn’t sure. “They don’t need me anymore. Not like they used to. I wanted so much to believe that they still do, but each day seems to bring more trouble from one of them. I’m not even sure if theylikeme anymore.”
That confession was at the heart of her fears. She couldn’t control herself anymore. She clutched Arabella as she cried, sobs robbing her of breath as she gasped for air. Her tears soaked Arabella’s hair, but she didn’t move away.
“Who am I?” Caroline cried. “Who am I, if I cannot hold this family together?”
Arabella murmured to her as she wept, the words soft and soothing, and finally Caroline drew in a deep breath. It felt like the worst was over, though tears continued to wet her face.
“Your family will always need you,” Arabella said, rubbing her thumb over her cheek. “You will always be their big sister. They will always turn to you, and you have shown them time and again that you will help them through anything.”
“If I have shown them, then they don’t remember.” Caroline huffed out a sigh. “Ever since we inherited, they have run wilder than ever. Nothing I do can control them. I have been trying so hard to hide the truth of it from everyone, but I am failing them at every turn.”
“If they don’t remember now, they will later. They are young, and impetuous, and a handful—but they are family.” Arabella wiped another tear from her face. “They love you. And you love them.”
“I do.” Her voice trembled, but she felt more confident.
“Of course you do.” Arabella drew back, and she tucked a tendril of Caroline’s hair behind her ear. “But you have to listen to them, darling. Will and George are children, but the others aren’t. They are grown, and they have their own wants, and you need to let them make their own mistakes and grow on their own.”
“It would be easier if they weren’t so keen to fall headlong into trouble.”
“If they find trouble, then so be it. You can love them and protect them, but you can’t live your life for them. You need to live your life foryou. For whatyouwant.”
“It’s hard to imagine,” Caroline whispered. “I’ve wanted my whole life to provide for them.”
“But you are so much more than the eldest Reeve. Love isn’t contingent on what you can provide or how you can help someone. You are more than the sum of all of your best qualities.”
For the first time since the inheritance, Caroline felt the weight on her shoulders ease. Arabella had been right. She had thought that she would be seen as weak if she revealed the depths of her worries. But sharing her thoughts about her family wasn’t a bad thing. In fact, she felt stronger than ever with Arabella by her side.
“If I could preserve every minute of this summer through your art, I would ask you to do a thousand different paintings,” Caroline said, filled with gratitude. “But I would settle for a seascape.” She gazed into her eyes. “And maybe a painting of the two of us.”
“I would love that,” Arabella said. “Something intimate. Private. Just for you.”
“Exactly.”
Arabella sat upright. “That’s it, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“That’s what I’m missing from my portraits. People want something intimate. Something that captures their emotion of that one day. Something that they can gift to another.”
