AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But their corner of town was on the other side of Inverley, and there wasn’t even a whisper of noise beyond the vastness of nature, the waves pounding onto the shore with the occasional call of an owl to interrupt them.
Nature.
For so long, Arabella had considered her desires unnatural. More than wantonness, she had worried it verged on depravity, even though her thoughts had rarely ventured beyond kissing. How could her thoughts stray toward another woman? There might be the occasional discreet rumor or gossip about London folk that swirled around town, but she had never heard of anyone else in Inverley feeling this way.
After years had passed and her feelings refused to dissipate, she had learned to live with the truth of herself. She had vowed never to marry, knowing that she could never be happy with a husband.
She had tested that resolve once, many years ago, and it had ended in disaster.
Arabella pushed the swing and let the cool night air flow through her hair, her emotions as jumbled as the spread of stars above, glittering and sharp in the black sky. Pining for Caroline had always been painful because she knew her love was hopeless.
How many times had she let her eyes drop and pretend her attention was elsewhere, terrified of discovery if she gazed too long in adoration at the object of her desires? How often had she choked back how she felt when Caroline asked if she looked fetching after her sister trimmed her hair, or when she tried on a new bonnet?
She had been so careful for so long that it felt like forever.
It was a shock to discover that the dreams she had about kissing Caroline were nothing like the reality of it. Her fantasy had been a secret confession of love, followed by soft kisses as they held each other tenderly. It was sweet.
The reality had been terrifying.Mystifying. Where had that swell of desire come from, urgently pulsing through the lower half of her body, demanding satisfaction? How had her nipples tightened so hard that she was certain they were visible through her dress? How had it all happened so fast, and yet so slowly that she could remember every shift of Caroline’s body and every movement of her lips against her mouth?Insideher mouth? Her face flamed at the thought.
Her fantasy had been soft and delicate, but the reality had been about as soft as a thunderstorm.
A kiss, however casually Caroline had meant it—and there was no other explanation for it, with no other emotion than the giddiness of excitement—a kiss was something both to treasure forever as the culmination of her earthly desires, and something that slid tendrils of icy dread down the back of her dress.
But it put her in grave danger of wanting more. It had put thought and desire to action, and she had no idea how she could comport herself in Caroline’s presence now.
Arabella shivered and unlatched the door. There was light coming from the parlor, where she discovered Rachel in an armchair under a quilt. Byron purred from her lap and Shelley was curled up on the sofa. There were dark smudges beneath Rachel’s eyes, and her hair was mussed as if she had lain down and gotten up without brushing it.
“I am so sorry for keeping you awake,” Arabella said, a stab of guilt passing through her. It was later than she had expected to stay out, and she hadn’t meant to worry her family. “You weren’t waiting up on my account, I hope?”
“No, no. I have been having difficulty sleeping these days. I suppose it’s the baby. My worries about the baby, I should say. I have been up more often than not over the past few weeks.” She rubbed a hand behind Byron’s ears, and he yawned and resettled on her lap. “The cats are marvelous company in the dead of night.”
Arabella sat down on the sofa, dislodging Shelley. “Are you feeling well enough? Is there something I can do for you?”
“It is very kind of you to offer, my dear. I am so grateful that you have been here in the house, and that you will be here to help after the baby arrives. I cannot imagine doing this alone.”
Arabella was glad that there was but one candle lit on the mantel. She knew her face betrayed her emotions, and she felt hesitant about the idea of taking care of a baby. It wasn’t something that she had wanted for herself. But she couldn’t add to Rachel’s fears and uncertainties at this time. The middle of the night was no time to talk about something like this.
“I’ll always support you,” she said, because that much was true. She loved Rachel and wanted the best for her. But why did it have to come at the expense of her own life? Why did her brother always expect her to give so much of herself? She tried to push the uncharitable thought away.
Matthew ambled down the stairs and clasped her shoulder. “Arabella! Do you have any news to share of the Reeves’ situation?”
Rachel perked up. “Yes, do tell. It’s ever so interesting. They have been our neighbors ever since we purchased this house upon our marriage. I could never have imagined such a thing happening to them.”
Arabella could hardly give a satisfactory recounting of the evening when her thoughts were so wrapped up in the single moment of kissing Caroline.
“Mr. Taylor and Mr. Jones were perfect gentlemen, and very kind in their attentions to the family at dinner. Very complimentary.”
“Caroline is far above you now, I suppose,” Rachel said. “It will be a hardship for you, I am sure. I know how close you are.”
“We will still be friends,” Arabella said, but she felt a pulse of alarm.
“Oh, yes, but you shan’t be invited to the same places now. No more dancing above the grocer’s shop forher. She will be too grand for such things.”
Arabella supposed that must be true. The thought rankled.
“Well, I have been up very late already and must seek my bed,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face. “I hope you are able to get some rest soon, Rachel.”
Matthew squeezed Rachel’s hand. “Thank you for keeping Rachel company, Arabella. You are always such a help. I’ll go make some tea, Rachel, shall I?”
