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“Because it’s good for my career,” Letty argued, setting her teacup down.
“Exactly—your career comes first. Not me.” Anne’s heart was hammering in her chest. These were thoughts she hardly dared to voice to herself. What if Letty decided that it was not worth the headache of being embroiled in the midst of her strange marriage?
“I didn’t realize you wanted to be ranked.” Letty’s voice was quiet.
“Of course I do. I spend all my waking time trying to devise ways to spend time with you. I—well. I care for you. Deeply.”I might love you, she wanted to say, but couldn’t bear it. Not when Letty’s face was so unreadable. What if she didn’t feel the same way?
“Ever since Hawthorne moved in months ago, we have only spent time together in the corners of this house.” Letty’s voice was flat.
“What is so wrong with taking pleasure where we find it?”
“Remember how glorious it was when we went ice skating?”
“Yes.” Anne remembered it vividly. The freedom of flying, the ice forming on her eyelashes from the cold, the hot chestnuts that Letty had bought for her.
“That’s what I want for us, Anne. Not just moments between meetings and work. I want to spend time with you, doing things together out in the world. I understand I can’t accompany you to Society balls or the opera or wherever else a duchess might socialize, but there are other places where we could spend time.”
“It’s dangerous out there.”
“You trusted me to take you skating. Trust me to take you somewhere safe.” She leaned forward and took her hand. “Since Hawthorne has returned, you have been so angry. You have spent your time retreating and hiding yourself away.”
Anne took a breath. It was time for her to face the facts, to stop burying her head beneath her pillows like a child. “I suppose I thought if I never left the house, Hawthorne couldn’t take control of it.” She shook her head. “But I already lost that battle, didn’t I?”
“Why don’t you come to an eatery with me and have dinner to meet my friends?” Letty asked. “I would love for you to get to know them.”
She stared. “You wish for me to go to apublic eatery?”
“I live my life in public. If you want to be part of my life, then you would have to accept that.” She paused. “I care for you too, Anne. More than I’ve cared for any woman. But there are things about my life that you would have to accept, if you want to accept me.”
“It’s much more comfortable in here.”
“Comfortable, but invariable. What is it you want? To stay here and have nothing ever change, or to go out and seek happiness?”
Anne hesitated.
“Take a risk. Meet my friends. See the lifestyle that we live that your husband has risked everything to embrace. Understand me, and you might start to understand him. If you don’t like the outing, we can always talk about it afterward—but haven’t you always wondered what it would be like?”
“I’ve always been afraid,” Anne said quietly. “It hasn’t been righteous judgment that earned me the title of the Discerning Duchess. It’s been fear.”
“You’re thirty-four years old, and one of the most powerful women in England. Isn’t it time in your life to stop being afraid?”
“Yes.” She felt a thousand times lighter. “Yes. It’s time.”
Chapter Two
As it was unfashionable to stay in London at this time of year, Anne spent every afternoon that week with no visitors and nothing to look forward to. There were no calling cards these days. Even her secretary’s briefing this morning had been quick compared to the usual hours that they spent working together.
Being without something to occupy her time was most unusual for her. But since Hawthorne’s return to England, she had felt unusual. Unsettled. Unmoored.
It was raining outside, with a misty swirl of fog on the ground that made her glad to be indoors despite the draughts that seeped in. Hawthorne Towers was much warmer, and she pulled her thick shawl closer and thought of how nice it would be to be in the cozy morning roomthere, instead of the frigid onehere.
There was one event on her evening agenda tonight—a dinner, hosted by Hawthorne’s nephew, Edward, who was also his heir. One did not turn one’s back on family despite the inclement weather. Besides, if there was war to be waged against her husband, it would be best to make sure that his relatives were aligned withher. He had been out of the country for ten years—surely, the family’s relationship with her would be stronger than his own? She had been to every baptism, every wedding, every funeral. She had curried favor with the Prince Regent for them.
It wouldn’t hurt to show up and remind them.
Five hours later, after a team of maids had primped and prepared her and she was dressed in finery that her modiste promised would make women of lesser means weep with envy, Anne sat in atowering fury. She stared down at the first course of a meal that already promised to feel like it would last an eternity.
Hawthorne had stolen the advantage and won the very first battle. How had he secured an invitation? No one had told her thathewould be in attendance.
