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‘What would you like to do?’ Zander asked.
‘We’d better stick to the plan. Go back to mine. But...’ She hesitated. ‘Would you mind sleeping on the sofa bed?’ She might have no idea where they would go from here, but she knew the fun fling was definitely over. ‘Tomorrow we’ll talk.’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
GABBY OPENED HER eyes and tried to orientate herself... And then slowly memory seeped back in. She was pregnant. In seven or eight months she’d be a mum. In all her dreams this was not how she’d imagined it. The plan had been to find Mr Right, get married, buy a house—provide her baby with two loving parents, security, a happy family life, siblings...
Well, that plan had gone...dispersed into wisps of illusion. Touching her tummy, she pushed away the feeling of inadequacy, of not being good enough.
‘I’ll figure it out, baby. I promise,’ she said aloud.
And she would. Somehow. And the first step towards that was to talk to Zander.
A tantalising aroma wafted into the room and she used the bathroom, then pulled on her clothes with the realisation that she was ravenous.
Two minutes later she entered her lounge and crossed the room to the kitchenette, seeing that Zander had already packed away the sofa bed in the lounge and had set up the circular foldaway table. A vase of flowers was in the middle, surrounded by slate place mats, knives, forks, chocolate spread, fresh lemons... The air was permeated with the smell of bacon sizzling.
Zander stood at the kitchen counter that separated the lounge and kitchen areas, stirring a bowl of batter. ‘Pancakes,’ he announced. He glanced up at her, then back down at the bowl, a faint flush on his cheeks. ‘My dad used to make pancakes every Sunday morning. I figured we could start the tradition early—the baby eats what you eat, right?’’
The words brought a sudden sting of tears to her eyes but she blinked them away. ‘Sounds perfect. I’ll put the kettle on.’
Fifteen minutes later they sat down, a mound of pancakes between them, and Gabby dug in, relieved that the nausea seemed to have been flummoxed by the notion of pancakes. Maybe the baby liked them? The idea made her smile. Or maybe the baby liked the fact this was his or her first family meal.
Whoa—that idea wiped the smile from her lips. It was a stark reminder of what she’d wanted for her children—the real thing, a happy family...
She pushed her empty plate away. ‘So...’ she said.
‘So,’ he answered.
He looked a different man today, no longer shocked, no longer horrified. Instead his expression indicated a man in control of his emotions.
‘First, I apologise for my initial reaction yesterday—you took me by surprise and I was utterly shocked.’
‘I appreciate the apology, but I saw your face when I told you—that was more than shock or surprise. That was horror. I know you don’t want children, and I don’t want my baby to feel unwanted or unloved. I can’t bear that thought.’ She truly couldn’t. A tear quivered on the edge of her eyelash. ‘I was that baby—the unwanted one. The unwanted child. That will not happen to this baby. Not for a second. Not on my watch.’
His blue-grey eyes didn’t leave hers as he reached out to cover her hand with his own. ‘This baby won’t be unwanted or unloved, and I swear to you that I regret my reaction. It wasn’t horror. It was...’ He hesitated. ‘I don’t know what it was. Disbelief, guilt, panic. You see, Claudia wanted to start a family. I was the one who held back—partly because I knew once we had a baby I would never be able to chase my dreams. Then she fell ill...never had a chance to be a mum.’
Oh, God. His reaction made sense now. The idea of fatherhood must seem almost like a betrayal of Claudia—an extra lash of the guilt he already felt.
‘It’s not your fault.’
But his set expression told her he thought it was.
‘You didn’t know Claudia would die so tragically young. You thought you had plenty of time. Maybe you weren’t ready to be a parent so young, even if Claudia was. That is not a sin. Maybe in the end you’d have found a compromise between family and business—the tragedy is that you’ll never have a chance to find out.’
‘I know that logically, but if I had reacted differently, if I’d been a different person, maybe she could have held her baby in her arms. But, whatever happened with Claudia and I, this baby will not bear the brunt of the past. You’re right—I didn’t plan to have children, but now I want to be the best father I can.’
‘I want to be the best mother I can.’
‘And I know a way for us to do just that.’
‘I’m all ears.’ Lord knew she’d welcome a plan of action.
He inhaled deeply, exhaled, sipped his coffee and then said, ‘I think we should get married.’
Gabby froze. ‘Come again? You think we should what?’ Frantically her brain tried to come up with words that rhymed with married. Tarried... Carried...
‘Get married.’
