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When Mike was given Sam’s coffee, he offered his credit card in return to pay.
“She’s not giving me an ultimatum, but she takes everything I say so literally. I mention marrying her one time a few months ago, and now she brings it up a lot. But, hey, come on,” he said, holding out his arms as if he were speaking to a crowd. His audience was Mike and the man behind the bar.
“I’ve got things I want to do,” Bobby said.
Mike sipped his coffee. “Sounds like Sam.”
“Yeah? She’s smart, that one.”
Mike nodded in agreement.
“What do you think? You ready to pop the question?”
Mike didn’t answer. It wasn’t really a matter of if he was ready; it was more about if it was right, and if Samantha wanted it.
“No,” Bobby said with a laugh. “You’re like me, huh? In transition. Still working on your personal training, right? I get it. I mean, how can I settle down when I’m still working on expansion? I can’t stop everything when I’ve got plans.”
Bobby kept right on talking as Mike’s mind whirled. This Australian talked a mile a minute, and not all of it sounded right to Mike’s ears.
“I know Laney’s been helping you out. She told me it’s been tough for you to attract clients.” He sucked air in through his front teeth. “I know how that is. But you gotta keep pushing. You’ve got loads of work to do, and I know you wouldn’t put that aside for Sam. Like I won’t put mine aside for Laney,” Bobby said, putting his own words and actions on Mike. Words and actions that hadn’t even occurred to Mike. “Sam’s going to Texas, right? And, what? She expects you to drop everything and move there with her?”
Mike didn’t know how to answer. Because first of all, that hadn’t come up, and second, he didn’t have a lot of anything to drop. He’d barely had to reschedule any clients to even come on this last-minute trip. He’d barely had enough clients to scratch by on the equivalent of minimum wage. If it weren’t for his parents allowing him to live in their house, he wouldn’t be able to afford rent on his own.
Bobby blew a puff of air from the corner of his mouth. “No way. You can’t do that,” he said, referring to Mike apparently moving to Texas. “Austin is so much more expensive than… Where do you live?”
“Akron, Ohio.”
Chuckling, Bobby threw his hands in the air. “Right. Wherever that is. Austin is so much more expensive than that. And Sam expects you to be able to afford that?” He shook his head in dismay on Mike’s behalf. “You know these girls want us to provide for them, as they should, but then they get mad at us for making a living.”
He was speaking in generalities now, and Mike wanted to defend Sam, defend himself, but he was so far down his own mental spiral that he couldn’t climb out. If he was going to be with Sam, how could he provide for her?Whatwould he provide for her? Right now, it was a whole lot of nothing.
“Look at me,” Bobby said, holding his arms out, and Mike dropped his chin toward his chest. His brain was screaming at him to go, stress already working its way through his bloodstream. He wouldn’t need coffee at this point. His anxiety had him wide awake. But Bobby kept right on talking. “I’m not strapped for cash, and I’ve been around the block a few times, yeah? But you, you’ve got a long way to go. Don’t let your girl slow you down.” Then he dropped his eyes to Mike’s leg and gotthatexpression on his face. “I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. Don’t fall to the pressure. You keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll get there. Whether it takes you one year or fifteen years, does it matter? No. You keep working at growing your business and worry about all the relationship and marriage shite later, right?”
Bobby slapped Mike’s back like they were buddies. They were not, and Mike had had about enough of his inane chatter. “I’ve got to go.”
“Hey,” Bobby called out to Mike’s back. “Listen to me, mate. You’d be better off with money in your bank account. You’d be surprised how warm it can keep you at night.”
Mike wasn’t aware of the path he took to walk back to the suite, his brain too riddled with numbers. The few numbers behind the dollar sign in his bank account, the number of times he introduced himself to new members of the gym who turned him down for training sessions, the number of times he stopped and started working on his YouTube channel, the number of classes he had taken to get his certifications, the number of doctor and hospital visits, the number of surgeries.
He couldn’t avoid what those numbers added up to, the fact that he still had a very long way to go. Whatever it was Sam was looking for, he couldn’t give. He couldn’t support her like she needed when he couldn’t even support himself.
And that fact hit him like an explosion. He’d been playing at love all summer like it was a game. But he knew better. Life wasn’t a game. Love was serious, and he wasn’t ready for it.
When he agreed to a summer with Samantha, he put his own desires ahead of what he knew was true. Maybe he had been trying to avoid his own problems, but he couldn’t run from them anymore. He couldn’t kiss and touch Sam without thinking what it would mean for them and a future he couldn’t promise her.
She deserved so much more than what he had.
Opening the door to their suite, Mike found Sam on the floor in little shorts and one of her band T-shirts, her hair pulled back, with his Marines cap on her head. She packed a curling iron into a pocket of her suitcase then held her hand up for her coffee. “Thank you. You’re the best.”
As she sipped her drink, he sat on the bed behind her, his palms suddenly clammy.
“Ooh, this is delicious.” She glanced over her shoulder at him. “I’ll be ready in a minute.”
He nodded, unable to find words. He had, in his wildest dreams, imagined them together. Although he had never thought of how or when or where, he’d pictured lazy days cuddled on a couch, holding hands during a walk, brief kisses while they danced around each other in the kitchen. Dumb daily shit that didn’t mean anything, yet somehow meant everything.
Now, he couldn’t picture anything. He didn’t want to.
Bobby’s words echoed in his ears.You keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll get there. Whether it takes you one year or fifteen years…
