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Blindly, she pulled on her clothes and walked around gathering her things. “I can’t be here with you right now. I just can’t.”
“Savannah, talk to me! Please!”
As long as she didn’t look at him, she’d be fine. “It’s all just too much. I really thought I could handle this…Cash and I even talked about it, but…I can’t. I need to be by myself for a while. It’s all too much to process and…and that’s it.” When she tossed the last of her things into the weekender bag she kept there, she hefted it up over her shoulder and did her best not to look directly at him.
But, in a show of typical Coleman stubbornness, he stepped right in front of her.
“I get that you’re upset,” he said carefully. “I am too. You’re not the only one who lost someone today.” Pausing, he let out a long, shaky breath. “I get that you’re scared and you think you need to run and be by yourself, but you don’t have to. I’m here for you. We’re all here for you. Hell, we all need each other right now! Don’t you get that?”
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she shook her head. “You don’t need me, Jackson. You’re going to be fine.” And with that, she stepped around him and was almost out of the room when his words stopped her.
“You know what it feels like when people leave you, Savannah,” he said gruffly. “And not the ones who left because they died. I’m talking about the ones who willingly walked away.”
Slowly, she turned and faced him and saw a man who was utterly broken.
“I’m sorry that you grew up not knowing what it was like for people to stay. But Henry stayed. He stayed until it was beyond his control. Same with Cash. Both of them would have given everything they had to stay with you, and you know it. Don’t let the ones who let you down dictate who you are and what you do.”
Is that what she’d been doing? Is that truly what she’d become?
In a moment of total clarity, Savannah realized Jackson was right. So much of her personality was based on biological parents who she never knew except for the fact that they’d given her up or foster parents who didn’t want to keep her. And an adoptive mother who found it so easy to walk away. She’d spent a lifetime hating each of them for turning their backs on her, and here she was doing the same.
“Jackson, I…”
He closed the distance between them, cupped her face in his hands, and his expression broke her already broken heart.
“I’m not going to force you to stay,” he said, his voice low and raw. “That wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I just want you to know that you don’t have to be alone. We all need to grieve in our own way and…I’m not going to stand in your way.” Pausing, he swallowed hard. “But I’ll be here if you need me. Always.”
Then his hands dropped from her face and he took one step back and then another. The ball was completely in her court, and it terrified her. She already missed the feel of his hands and the warmth of his body, but…in the end, she turned and walked out the door.
By the time she was sitting in her car behind the wheel, she was already questioning what she was doing—not that it mattered. She was in the car and she was going to go.
She just had no idea where.
With Cash gone, she didn’t have to stay here. Hell, she still had a bunch of stuff in storage back in Seattle and it wouldn’t take much to go back and get her old job back and possibly even her old crappy apartment.
Or one like it.
Sure, the drive would suck with it being just her, but maybe the time alone would help her get her head on straight.
Maybe.
But there was only one way to find out.
* * *
Everyone was talkingat once and all Jackson wanted to do was yell for them to shut the hell up.
But his mother would have his hide. It didn’t matter that he was a grown-ass man and a Marine, she’d still let him have it for being disrespectful.
They were over at Aunt Susannah’s place and talking about plans for his father’s memorial. He’d only been dead for about forty-eight hours and it sucked how they were expected to make decisions and talk about arrangements when everyone’s emotions were so raw.
Austin walked in looking more than a little haggard and murmured an apology as he sat down.
“How’s Mia feeling?” Grace asked.
“Other than a little sleep deprived, she’s doing great. Better than me, that’s for sure.”
“Well…these are extenuating circumstances,” she told him. “And no one would have blamed you for not coming here for this. We could have put you on speakerphone.”
