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“I’ve apologized.”
“I know, but that doesn’t give you a clean slate. I should just go.”
“I thought you wanted to talk,” he said.
“I do. But I can’t if you’re going to touch me.”
“I was being polite,” he said.
She knew she was overreacting and it wasn’t totally his fault. It had been too long since a man had touched her and she’d been hungry for it. She wasn’t sure how much was her hormones and how much could be attributed to Dec.
“I know.”
He gave his claim tag to the valet. “Is it still okay to take my car to the marina and come back for yours?”
“Yes,” she said. She hoped while they were having a drink she’d be able to tell him about DJ. But she still wasn’t sure how to say it. Also, a part of her didn’t want to tell him. She still wasn’t sure he was ready to be a father.
“Here’s my car.”
“A Maserati?”
“Yes, I like my cars fast and sexy.”
“Why am I not surprised?” she asked. “Have you ever thought about what you’ll do when you have a family?”
“I’m not planning on one,” he said. As he glanced around and she met his calm brown gaze, she realized that he spoke the truth. She’d hoped to learn more about him as a man and all she’d learned was that his mom was a volunteer who hadn’t made much time for him. Maybe that was why he didn’t want a family.
“Oh,” she said, knowing she sounded a little unsure. But really, what else could she say?
“I’m too much of a loner.”
Well, there you go, she thought as she climbed into the car. What was she going to do now? No matter what he wanted or even what she desired, he had a son and she was the mother of that child. Whether he was ready to be a father or not. She owed it to him to let him know.
It was just that her fantasy of him suddenly falling to his knees and making declarations of love for her and DJ were gone. She realized that this was real life, not some fantasy world where everything was going to work out simply because she dreamed it.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said. The miles to the marina flew by and Cari leaned her head back against the seat as the bluesy beat of Stevie Ray Vaughan flowed through the car. Stevie sang of heartbreak, and even though Cari knew she didn’t love Dec she couldn’t help but feel like she was a little heartbroken, too. It was the first time she realized that dreams could be broken as easily as a heart.
* * *
Dec felt the mood change as soon as they got to the marina. He was a member here because he lived on a yacht that was moored here. He’d learned a long time ago that he didn’t want a big house, but he suspected that was his way of keeping himself different from his parents. He liked to pretend that all the stuff he could buy meant nothing to him. He doubted that Cari would be agreeable to a drink on his yacht, the Big Spender. His cousin Allan had named it for him—a tongue-in-cheek reference to the fact that he liked expensive toys.
He led the way through the member’s-only club to a table set on the balcony far away from the other diners. It was quiet this time of night. He signaled the waiter and when he arrived Cari ordered a decaf coffee and Dec did the same.
“I seem to have said something that upset you,” he said.
“I have something to tell you,” she said.
“Go ahead,” he invited.
“Um…it’s not as easy as I imagined it to be,” she said.
Now she was starting to worry him. What could she possibly have to say to him that was so difficult?
“Are you married?” he asked.
“No. I wouldn’t have come to dinner with you if I were involved with another man,” she said. “Commitment means something to me.”
“It means something to me, as well,” he said. “That’s why I avoid it.”
“Really? Did something bad happen to you in the past?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me about it,” she said.
Their coffee was delivered and the waiter left. But he didn’t start talking. He didn’t like to think of his past. Didn’t like to discuss the fact that he was an orphan and his adoptive parents had been in a facade of a marriage. He was just the final piece in their perfect little image of a family. But none of it had been real.
“I’m not interested in the past,” he said at last.
“But without the past we have no way of measuring where we are going.”
“I’m more of a live-in-the-now man.”
“But you have to plan for the future,” she said. “Just having business goals would necessitate that.”
