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“I’m ready to go,” she told him.
“Good. Do you want to go someplace on my bike? Or we can walk,” he suggested.
“Let’s go to Old Town. It will be busy but there are a couple of quiet streets where we can walk and talk,” Alysse said. Her plan to use Jay made sense when she was in the throes of wanting him sexually and trying to justify that to herself. Now, in the bright light of day, she wanted more. She wanted to find out what kind of man Jay was.
Finding out more about Jay would be hard and she’d have to stay focused because Jay didn’t give up much information about himself and she didn’t blame him because she also played her cards close to her chest.
She’d learned the hard way that being as open as she used to be didn’t pay off. And she hated that she’d become so guarded and afraid to risk herself. Jay had stolen that confidence from her. She wanted it back, but she also wanted to fix him.
Oh, my God, she thought. That was what this was about. Jay was her latest project. Someone who needed her help. But she wouldn’t fix Jay for herself. She’d help him so he could move on and so she could finally be over him.
* * *
JAY WATCHED ALYSSE out of the corner of his eye as they strolled down the hilly street. The weather was a temperate eighty degrees today and as he watched other people nearby he felt almost normal. For the first time in a long time he was exactly where he belonged, but he knew that was false. He didn’t really belong with Alysse and even though to the world they probably looked like every other couple walking through town on this nice afternoon, he knew they were different.
She led him to a quiet park where an empty bench stood under the shade of a tall tree that he didn’t know the name of. She sat down and stretched her legs out in front of her, then tipped her head slightly toward him.
“So, talk,” she said.
She seemed relaxed, but in spite of her posture he could sense the tension in her. She wasn’t sure of him and didn’t trust him, and he knew that he would have to earn back her trust. He just wasn’t sure he deserved it. Didn’t even know how he’d go about winning her over because for years he’d been alone. And though he wasn’t happy about it, there was a part of him that could get along just fine with Fantasy Alysse running through his mind.
It was safer that way. For him, certainly, and also for her. He didn’t want to disappoint her again or hurt her anymore than he already had.
“Are you going to say anything?” she asked. “Or just keep staring at me?”
“I don’t know how to begin. I’ve been thinking of the way you left last night. How you said you were going to use me.”
“Maybe that wasn’t the nicest thing to say,” she admitted. She tucked a strand of her hair back toward the high ponytail it had escaped from and then rubbed her hands along her thighs.
“But that is who you are now. I made you into a woman who wants to use someone else. I did that,” he said. He hadn’t thought of anyone but himself when he’d left her in Vegas and he regretted that now.
He’d told himself he was doing it for her. That he wasn’t the right guy to make her dreams come true. But he knew he’d left because he’d been unsure of what to do next.
She straightened up, twisting to face him. “I did that. Not you. I’m the one who put myself in a place where I can’t find my way back to who I used to be. I’m not ever going to be that girl again.”
She carefully put her hand on his wrist. “I need to do this and you’re looking for answers, too. Don’t worry too much. We’ll do this together.”
“I do worry. And I’m not someone who’s ever anxious, but with you—I am. I am afraid I’m too hard for you. I already hurt the woman you used to be.”
She bit her lower lip and he saw her hesitate and then she smiled over at him. “I’ve never complained about your hardness.”
He chuckled. “I guess not. In fact, it probably works for your plan to use me for my body.”
“It does,” she said. “It definitely does.”
“So where does that leave us?” he asked. Because, as he’d discovered last night, sex wasn’t necessarily the answer to what he was searching for from her.
“It leaves us where we are. Two people who are both trying to get who we are and where we’re going, who enjoy sex.”
“I need more than sex from you,” Jay said. “You’re different for me.”
