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She was hedging her bets. Being careful to be on her best behavior. And it seemed that Kingsley was doing the same.
They were both pretending.
She knew it. She wondered if he did.
It would be so easy to pretend she wasn’t. But she knew herself. She wouldn’t lie; Kingsley was the one man she’d always had regrets about. The one man that she wanted a proper resolution with.
But she was afraid to trust in Kingsley and his real reasons for wanting her. Oh, she didn’t doubt the power of the attraction between them. What she wasn’t sure about was whether or not he’d still want her after she slept with him.
She put her lipstick down, braced her hands on the marble countertop and looked into the mirror.
There it was in her eyes. The secret fear that she’d been hiding and ignoring for too long—she was afraid to sleep with him in case it was like the last time when one night was all he spent with her.
She’d been cautious in her intimate relationships, always picking men who were staid and sensible. They weren’t the most passionate of men, but they were consistent. But King wasn’t. And he never had been.
He’d been the handsome, popular guy on campus and despite everything life had thrown at him, he still was. And it wasn’t that she doubted her ability to keep his attention. She knew he liked her and had confidence in herself. It was just that the last time they’d slept together everything had changed between them. She’d be a fool to think this time would be any different.
Before she’d been a girl—no matter how mature she thought she was, she’d been a little bit silly and a lot foolish. But this time she was smarter.
Or at least she hoped she was.
Though already she liked him. And that was really too weak a word to describe what she felt for him. She knew seeing him with Conner had weakened her resolve. Hearing him talk passionately about needing to put the past to rest so that he could move on had made her dream that he’d move on with her.
But the truth was she was integral to the past. He needed her thoughts on—
“Stop it.”
She spoke out loud to quiet her mind. Straightening her shoulders, she fiddled with her hair, put on her lipstick and walked away from the mirror and the woman in it who was afraid.
Six months. It didn’t seem that long to be without a date until tonight.
She realized that her nerves had nothing to do with King or his intentions and everything to do with herself. She hadn’t dated because she was tired of going through the routine of being someone she wasn’t in the hopes that some guy would see through the ruse and like the real woman underneath.
So tonight...
Tonight she wasn’t going to do it. She had nothing to lose with King. She knew that. The odds were already stacked against them really being anything other than lovers. She was going to be herself and if he didn’t like it...well, that was too bad for him.
Because she couldn’t change any more than she already had.
And she liked the woman she was. She forgot that sometimes when she was working, writing, mentoring Melissa. But she truly liked the woman she’d become over the years. The woman that the one night she’d spent with Kingsley had started her on the journey to becoming.
She opened her hall door and walked toward the dining room. When she got there a single rose waited on the table with a small note card with instructions to go to the patio.
She sniffed the rose as she felt that tingle of excitement in her stomach once again.
Candlelight flickered on the patio and flames danced in the large outdoor fire pit. When she stepped outside, her heel caught and she started to stumble, but King was there.
He caught her and she looked up into his eyes.
“I’ve got you.”
He definitely did.
Nine
Kingsley had spent a good deal of time over the years thinking about this night. He’d never really imagined it would happen, but he’d always wanted it to. He wanted to make up to Gabi for all the mistakes he’d made. He’d been young and selfish the first time he’d taken her to his bed. He’d done his best to make it pleasurable for her but she’d always been the one woman to set fire to his veins. A fire that burned straight through his self-control.
Holding her in his arms reminded him that she still had that power.
“Now that you’ve got me, what are you going to do with me?” she asked. Her words were light but her tone was serious. She was nervous.
