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But she’d never been as disappointed in a man as she had been when she’d come out of the shower and realized that Steven had left.
It had been a cowardly thing to do. Frankly, she’d expected better of him. When her staff meeting ended, she stood up and left the room. Freddie followed close on her heels.
“Hold up, boss lady. We need to talk.”
She shook her head.
“Nope, I’m not going to let you get away with that. We’ve been friends too long for you to hide things from me.”
Ainsley stared at her friend. He wore his short hair spiked up this morning. He had on a pair of gabardine slacks, combat boots and a vintage Stones T-shirt. His round, horn-rimmed glasses were for show, but the expression in his eyes was sincere.
“I can’t talk about it. Not yet. We can do drinks later in the week and we can talk then.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I’m too raw about this. I have a magazine to run. I can’t afford to let this bother me.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing,” she said, aware that she was making this into something bigger than it was. But she’d let Steven see the most vulnerable side of her and he’d left without saying anything.
“Fine. Drinks Friday. I’m not going to let you get away with keeping this in.”
“Sounds good. Now get to work.”
He hugged her and then walked away. The fact that he’d hugged her told her that she needed to get to her office before anyone else noticed that the ultra-efficient boss they’d come to know wasn’t herself.
Cathy had left a stack of messages for her and there were proof sheets that she needed to sign off on, but all she could do was think about last night. She spun her chair around to face the window, but found no solace in the spectacular view.
St. Peter’s now reminded her of Steven.
She turned back to her desk, opened her e-mail account and thought for a long minute before she started writing to Steven.
Was there an emergency this morning? Leaving without saying goodbye was cowardly. I thought you were a different kind of man.
She hit Send before she gave in to her anger further and called him an ass. Twenty minutes later her cell phone rang.
She glanced at the caller ID to see Steven’s name. She didn’t want to talk to him, but she realized that calling him a coward and avoiding his call would make her one.
“This is Ainsley,” she said as she answered her phone.
“I’m sorry about this morning. I just felt the walls closing in and I had to get out of there. It wasn’t you,” he said. “It was me.”
“What does that mean? Walls closing in?”
Silence buzzed on the open line for a long minute. “I wanted to stay. I wanted to come into the shower with you and make love to you—to hell with the consequences. And that’s not who I am.”
She flushed at his words. Realized that he wanted her with the same intensity as she wanted him.
His fears mirrored her own. They were both so used to going their own way that coming together seemed like it would be an immense challenge. A challenge that might be too much for them.
“I feel the same way, Steven. But at the end of the day, you’re worth the risk to me. That’s why I called you on your actions. If I’m not worth the risk to you then fine—just say so and we can end this now.”
“And if I think you are?” he asked.
“Then we try to figure this out. We figure out how to make this relationship work for us.”
“Relationship?”
“Yes. I don’t want to be one in a line of lovers you have. I have too much respect for myself to get involved with a man like you unless there is more than just sex.”
“A man like me?” he asked.
She had said too much. Steven was the kind of man she could fall in love with and saying that to him would leave her feeling like she’d stripped her clothes off in the center of the office.
She thought for a moment. No risk, no reward, she thought. “I could fall for you.”
“Ainsley…”
“Don’t say anything else. I know you aren’t the kind of man to fall in love, but I am that kind of woman. If you aren’t looking for at least some kind of solid relationship, then I have to end this now.”
“I don’t want to see you hurt, but I have to tell you I’m not…I’ve never been a forever kind of guy. But I’m not ready to let you go, either.”
“Is it me or any woman?”
“Damn. I can’t believe we are having this conversation on the phone,” he said.
“Stop stalling, Steven. Is it me?”
“Hell, no, Ainsley. It’s not you. I’m not ready to let you go. So yes, I want to pursue this.”
