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She’d watched cartoons as he’d brushed her hair and it had been heaven.
Then Immy had delivered some dinner. Mac and cheese with tater tots. Magic on a plate. She’d wanted to go down and have dinner with her friends, but at the same time she’d known it would be a struggle. Her nerve endings had all felt exposed. She’d been in overload.
She’d sent them all a text to explain and everyone had told her to rest.
Only, now she was lying here, stiff as a board, unable to sleep.
Or not wanting to.
Because of the nightmares.
Gray moved back into the bedroom, dressed just in his boxers. Yum.
He moved toward her, climbing into his side of the bed. Then he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling as well.
What was he thinking?
Maybe he was wondering how he’d ended up in bed with a fruit loop.
Stop it, Maeve.
“Had my own share of nightmares over the years, girl.”
Okay, that was unexpected. She thought he wasn’t going to tell her about his past.
“Wasn’t going to tell you this tonight, but I can hear you thinking stupid stuff from here.”
Whoops.
“I’ve had some bad shit happen. Some of it to someone I loved. Once I didn’t sleep for three days because I didn’t want to close my eyes.”
“I’m so sorry.” She let go of Squish with one hand and reached out to him. He met her halfway and wrapped her hand in his with a squeeze.
“I wasn’t very smart. I kept burying that shit down, lower and lower until I thought it was completely gone. But it wasn’t. It came back and hit me hard one night. I went into this mindless fury, absolutely lost it. And when I came back to myself, I’d destroyed a bar and beaten up several people. Funny thing is, that’s how I met Markovich. It was his men who ended up stopping me. Pinned me down. I avoided jail, but I had to go work for him. I was young and stupid but I knew an opportunity when I saw it. He saved me that day. I probably would have gone on to do something else really dumb and ended up in jail.”
“That’s why you’re so close to him?”
“Yep. First, it was because I owed him. Then, I admired him. Now, he’s like family. I’d do anything for him.”
“I understand.”
“Sure? Because I can’t leave that life. I’m in it forever, girl.”
“You think I care about that? I told you who my best friend is married to.”
“Yeah, I’m still reeling from that. But the point of my story is that you might think burying shit is the way to go, but eventually, it all has to come out. Better to do it when you can control the outcome.”
She let out a deep breath. “I’ve been trying not to think about it and you think that’s why I keep freaking out? But I can’t even remember what happened.”
“I know, girl.” He tugged her over into his arms. “Whatever you need, I’m here. Whenever you want to talk, want me to distract you, want to scream and cry. I got you. I won’t ever let you go. Fucking promise, girl.”
She held onto him tight. Her anchor in the storm. Everything she needed.
And she let herself lose control. Let it all out. Maybe she couldn’t remember and never would. But she could let go of some of the fear while she was held safely in his arms.
34
Waking up had never felt like this before.
