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“I’m going to kill him,” I hissed.
Ben snickered, paused between my thighs. “Did you forget about him again?”
“I guess I did.” I hoped if I ignored him, he’d go away but he pounded again.
“Can I get rid of him?” Ben asked hopefully, kissing my hip.
I felt a strange thrill at his possessiveness and that annoying manly urge he seemed to get where he wanted to take care of things for me. I let myself think about how nice it would be to always be able to count on that and nearly let him do my dirty work for me. Then I pushed him away and rolled off the bed.
“No, you cannot,” I said.
I pulled on a t-shirt and some shorts and closed him in the bedroom, giving him a warning look to stay put. I didn’t need another testosterone war on my front porch.
“Where’s your gear?” Shakes griped at me as soon as I opened the door.
“I don’t feel like it today,” I said, rubbing my stomach for good measure.
He rolled his eyes. “I see his car, Laur.”
“Yes, and?” I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows, daring him to say something more about Ben being in my house at the crack of dawn.
He tried a different argument instead. “This used to be the most important thing to you. You’re going to give up all your hard work, your sponsors, your followers, for that tourist? We need to get cracking if we’re going to keep people’s interest up. You know how the internet is.”
I did know, and I was sick of it. The constant hustle to always be on top of everyone’s feeds, keep the algorithms on your side, get engagement so you could prove to prospective sponsors you were authentic. All I wanted to do was soar off mountains. I hadn’t lost sight of that, but I wanted it to be the way it was before I tried to make a career of it. I realized I had a lot to think about. I told Shakes to get lost and slammed the door as he shuffled back to his car.
I turned around to see Ben had come out, and was leaning against the bedroom door frame. “’Atta girl,” he said encouragingly.
I wished I could take up right where we’d left off, especially since he looked so adorably rumpled in the robe I had borrowed from him. But, the reality was back in full force.
“Shut up,” I said without any bite. “He’s half right.”
“Can I be glad about the part where he’s half wrong?” he asked, nodding toward the bedroom. “Let me get back to my breakfast.” When I didn’t budge, he noticed my mood shift. Trying valiantly to get us back on track, he pulled me into the kitchen with a big smile on his face. “Okay, then. Let me make you breakfast. Anything you want.”
I studied him as he opened and shut all the cabinet doors, quickly realizing he’d made a promise he couldn’t keep since I only had cereal and a few cans of soup on hand. He looked different somehow. I’d seen him laugh and smile, but today the ever present furrow in his brow was gone.
“Not even eggs?” he asked, shaking his head at the nearly empty refrigerator. “Should we go shopping or to the diner?”
He looked genuinely happy. That was what was different about him. Had I done that? A crushing weight of responsibility settled on my shoulders. When he first came here, it was clear he had some issues to work through. Whatever they were, did I fix them? I knew that was impossible. I was a Band-Aid for whatever ailed him. This was all going to come crashing down on him as hard as it would for me. The thought that his heart might also break when he had to return to his real life was the killing blow.
“I, uh… neither,” I said. “I have to work at the dentist's office today.”
The look on his face that told me he didn’t believe me twisted my heart. “What happened to us having all day?” he asked.
“Sorry, I just forgot.”
“So your dim-bulb friend was wrong that you had the day off today to go scout locations?” he asked.
I couldn’t meet his eye. “Something like that.”
He crossed around the little kitchen island to take me by the shoulders. “What’s wrong, Laurel? Did I do something?”
The yearning in his voice sealed it for me. This was a dead-end street, no matter if there were nice things along the way to the end. I had to make a U-turn or risk a real broken heart. I couldn’t add to whatever sadness he already carried around, either.
“You better go so I can get ready,” I told him, still unable to look him in the face. If I did, it would be over and we’d be back in bed.
He let his hands slide off my shoulders and returned to the bedroom to get dressed. I hid in the kitchen until I heard the front door click shut quietly behind him. Then I put my head down on the table and marveled at the string of bad choices I’d made in the last few days, wondering which was the worst. Sending Ben away seemed to win.
