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I had decided to uproot my life and leave the only home that I had ever known. Riverroad had stopped feeling like home the moment my mother chose white lines over her kids.
I still couldn’t believe that she was dead. I knew that one day the drugs would kill her, but I had thought she would be able to cheat death for a few more years.
I still hadn’t cried. I had gotten a little teary-eyed when I got here, but I didn’t actually cry over my mother. Maybe Tash was right, and I needed to allow the flood gates to open but that was the thing. I had no more tears left to cry for my mother. I had cried all of them as a child.
My mother had died long before the drugs had taken over. I had lost my mother the day my father died. She died with him in that car crash that night. I had cried then, but I refused to cry now. Not after everything she had done and everything that had been said over the past nine years.
I had been done for a long time, but Ethan had held on.
The only reason I felt bad about my mother’s death was that it brought Ethan pain.
I was sure I deserved to win the daughter of the year award for that one, but it was true. I didn’t want it to be true, but it was. I wished I had the kind of relationship with my mother as many others had, but I just never had it.
And maybe that’s why my heart was like this now. Monica had broken it so many times, it barely knew how to function.
