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Chapter 20 - Jade: Goodbye
Dinner had been a complete mess. I knew dining with Grayson and Astrid would be a mistake, and I had been right. I had been rereading the same line over and over again in my documents. My mind was scrambled, and my heart felt like it was about to give out.
Damien was sitting across from me at the dinner table watching me. He didn’t even make an effort to hide that he was staring at me.
I slammed the contract down onto the table and snapped, “What, Damien?”
“You haven’t said a word since we got back here. Are you mad at me for the stunt I pulled at the restaurant? Honestly, I was just trying to be funny.”
“I’m not mad at you, Damien.” I rubbed my temples. “There has just been a lot going on in my life and, whenever Grayson is involved, things just get worse.”
He reached over the table and placed his hand over mine. “Do I need to beat his ass? Say the word, and I will go kung fu panda on his ass so fast.”
I rolled my eyes. “No, you don’t need to do that. There is just a lot there; a lot to unpack with us.”
“Jade, for as long as I have known you, you have been a closed-off book. You don’t speak about your personal life, and you keep a lot of things hidden. It’s good to let it out once in a while.”
Damien stared at me with those doe eyes that had me feeling safe and suddenly I found myself letting it all out. I told him everything. I told him about my past from start to finish. The ODs my mother had, the pain I experienced as I took care of her, my relationship with Grayson, and everything that had taken place while I was in Riverroad.
Then I finally told him about the daughter I never got to hold. Mia. When I got to talking about how I lost her, I lost it. I hadn’t spoken of that day in years. It was a day I had tried to forget. But speaking about her to Damien had that wound opening and gushing again.
By the time I was done, I was crying again, and I found myself in Damien’s lap while he held me on the couch. He sat quietly, listening to me telling him about my trauma.
We sat in silence for a moment.
“You’ve been through the wringer haven’t you, Jade?” He kissed the top of my head. “One thing I can say from all of that is you are incredibly strong for still being able to stand and live as you do.”
I pulled out of his embrace and took a seat next to him, so we were both facing each other. I could feel a headache coming on.
Damien tucked some hair behind my ears and cupped my cheek. I knew the gesture was meant to be sweet and comforting but his touch felt weird on me. I subtly grabbed his hand and placed it on his lap.
“Can I ask you something?” Damien asked.
I nodded, my mouth feeling tired from all the talking I had done.
“Is that why you never gave us a chance? Your heart was still with Grayson at the time?”
“Yes and no. Yes because, at the time, there were still feelings for Grayson, but they were deep down. I barely felt them. No, because I never saw us like that. I know we hooked up a couple of times, but I never expected nor wanted anything further to take place.”
I could see the disappointment wash over his face, and I felt terrible, but it was better for him to be upset for a while now than for me to fake feelings for him. He deserved better than that from me.
“I understand, and it makes perfect sense to me. What I don’t understand is why you haven’t read your mother’s letter yet?”
I shrugged. “Fear? Regret? Take your pick.”
“I don’t think your mother would have wanted you to not read her letter. She wrote it for a reason. She didn’t get to say goodbye to you in person, so she chose to do it in a letter. I know you feel horrible about the whole situation, but it’s all in the past now. We can neither turn back time nor change the outcome of things. It happened. But now you get a chance to hear from her again, and this time, you will listen. I know it’s going to be hard, but I can assure you that it will all be worth it and maybe you will find some form of closure.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say.
“Just think about it.” He stood from the couch and helped me to my feet. “I need to go and get some rest. I have an early flight out tomorrow. You call me if you need anything. I will be waiting for you in the city.”
He pulled me into a hug and kissed the side of my head. Damien was a good man, and he deserved a woman who could love and cherish all of him. I prayed that one day he would find it.
After Damien had gone back to his hotel for the night, I went to my room. I took out my mother’s letter and placed it on my bed. Once I opened it, there would be no turning back.
With shaky hands, I grabbed the envelope and flipped it over. I opened it and pulled out the letter. Slowly, I unfolded it. I stared down at my mother’s delicate handwriting and began reading it.
Dear Jade,
