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Chapter 7 - Danny: Distractions
The car ride back to the ranch was silent. Axel was moody and brooding, and I didn’t know what to do. Lately, he had just been so difficult when he had always been such a good kid. He was having these outbursts, and I didn’t know if it was just his terrible twos making a late appearance or if there was something actually wrong.
I knew that questions about Arthur would come up eventually but I thought maybe I would have more time to prepare myself. This was too soon for me. I had no real answers to give him.
‘Do I have a daddy?’ Yes, you do.
‘Where is my daddy?’ I don’t know.
‘Can we go see my daddy?’ No, we can’t.
‘Does my daddy love me?’ Yes, he does.
That had been the only lie I had told him. Truth be told, I also didn’t know whether Arthur loved Axel or not. All I knew was that he ran for the hills when he learned that I was pregnant. Maybe that was his one act of love toward our son. He saved Axel the disappointment of knowing someone like him.
It had been daddy career day at daycare and everyone had brought in their dads. I vaguely remember getting an email about it but, with everything that had been going on, it had slipped my mind when I dropped him off today.
So everyone in his class had their dads or a father figure present except for him. It had been all my fault. While my baby was getting bullied for his lack of father figure, I was ogling Gavin in a barn.
Axel had gotten into a fight at school because some kid had said to him that only losers didn’t have daddies. My heart broke when Clara told me. I had never wanted to murder a 3-year-old more in my life.
Axel had been red in the face when I saw him. He hadn't run to me like I thought he would have. Instead, he screamed in my face. He threw a tantrum like he had never thrown one before.
I wished that I could give him what he yearned for, but I couldn’t. Arthur had made his choice, and I needed to stick to mine. While I was pregnant, I promised that Axel would get only the best in which I could afford. From that day, I worked my ass off to make sure that he lacked nothing. I made sure that he got all the love and attention he needed so, whatever gap Arthur’s absence had created, he would never feel. But I had been wrong.
Arthur could keep his stupid C-list fame. The last I had heard of him, he was playing at some festival in California a year ago. His music had taken off and he had signed the record deal he had always hoped to sign. All it took was giving up his girlfriend of three years and his son.
I wanted Axel as far away from his lifestyle as possible. Riverroad was better for him, and I hoped when he got older, he would understand why I did all the things that I did. I was only trying to spare him the heartache.
When we finally pulled up to the main house, I turned to the back and saw Axel asleep in his booster. His little face looked so peaceful, that I didn’t want to move him. I turned back to stare at the house. There was a sleek white Range Rover in the driveway, so I knew that Maddy and Marcus were home.
I breathed in and out, readying my mask so I could go in. I placed my hand on the door handle, but Gavin’s hand stopped my movements.
“Don’t do that,” he said staring into my eyes.
“Do what?”
“Place a fake smile on your face and act like everything is okay. You don’t have to hold it together when you feel like you are falling apart. You can break, Dan. It’s safe to break here.”
I shook my head, tears brimming my eyes. “Is it, though?”
“It’s me, Dan. Don’t you remember?” He pulled my hand back and brought it to his lips. “You and me against the world, until the end of time. I am yours…”
I sniffed. “And you are mine.”
Then the tears just flowed of their own accord. I couldn’t help it, and I didn’t try to stop it. Axel stayed asleep in the back while I cried gently and Gavin held my hand like he had done many years ago. My tears and cries were silent but that did not mean that they weren’t any less real.
I cried for my poor son who yearned for a father like the rest of his friends. I cried for the woman I used to be—so wide-eyed and filled with hope. Now I was filled with pessimism and distrust. I had been so badly hurt that I didn’t know if my heart still had anything left to give.
When all the tears had dried and I had successfully given myself a headache, I turned to Gavin. He still had my hand pressed against his lips. He kissed my skin gently while he stared at me with those breathtaking eyes of his. The warmth that filled my body had me relaxing into the leather of my seat.
“Thank you.” My voice was thick with emotion. I didn’t know if it was from crying or from the fact that I could feel every cell in my body heating from his gaze.
“Don’t thank me,” he muttered against my skin. “I know I wasn’t there when you needed me the most, but I am here now. I just need you to let me be there for you.”
Dammit.Resisting him was getting harder with each passing second.
We stared at each other. Gavin removed my hand from his lips. His eyes darkened and his pupils dilated. I could see the heat looming behind his green eyes that reminded me of the green shade Axel had.
