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Chapter 15 - Danny: Nightmare
This could not be happening. He was meant to be in LA far, far away from Riverroad. He had sworn that he would never return and that had been my one solace. But I should have known that, when it came to Arthur, disappointment was never far away.
Arthur Williams had been my personal abuser for nearly four years of my life. He had manipulated me, used me, and made me question myself on multiple accounts. I was made to feel worthless and disposable and, soon enough, I believed those things.
He never beat me. He would only threaten to. You would think I would have left then, but I was blinded by this idea of what love with him could be like. I thought I could brave the storm. But I had been wrong. I had willingly put myself in the line of abuse.
The marks he left on me could never be seen, but I felt them. I felt them when the barbed wire I had placed around my heart would pierce them. I felt them when I looked at my body with unjust and judgmental eyes. I felt them when I refused to let in the one person I knew could wash away all the pain in my heart.
Arthur Williams had made me look at myself with hatred and disgust for so long. I had lost myself in ‘loving’ him—if you could even call what I had felt for him love. At the time I had thought it was but now having allowed myself to open my heart again I knew it wasn’t. What I had with Gavin was closer to love. It was peace, serenity and it was without judgment.
I brushed away the stray tear from my eye. I stared up at the ceiling willing the tears to return back into my tear ducts. I didn’t want to cry.
I stared at a sleeping Axel in his bed. He looked so peaceful, oblivious to the chaos that had found its way to our once-safe sanctuary. It was 3:00 a.m., and I couldn’t sleep. I had crawled out of Gavin’s arms when I had woken up in a cold sweat, my mind replaying my past for me in full HD. Every comment and emotion came rushing back. Those same feelings of worthlessness and shame weighed heavily on my chest. I was suffocating.
Why was he back? He had no reason to return here. Everything he wanted was outside the borders of Riverroad.
The only conclusion I could come up with was that he had come back for Axel. I saw the way he had stared at my son. I couldn’t figure out what had been playing on in his mind, but I knew that whatever it was, it involved my son.
I heard Axel’s door creak open. I looked over my shoulder and saw a sleepy Gavin at the door. He ran a hand through his hair and walked over to where I stood. He circled his arms around me, placing a gentle kiss on my bare shoulder. The small gesture soothed parts of the chaos raging inside my chest.
“What are you doing?” he whispered as he pulled me tighter
“Watching him sleep.” I turned my attention back to Axel whose breathing was slow and even. He even looked like an angel in his sleep. My perfect little angel. It still astounded me how someone so cruel like Arthur could be responsible for half of Axel’s DNA.
“You should sleep, Dan. The lack of rest will do your mind no good.”
“I can’t. Every time I close my eyes, all of it just replays in my mind. Those four years of my life. The amount of abuse I took from him. The worthlessness I felt. I promised myself that I would never again allow myself to feel like that, but here I am. Barely hanging on by a thread.”
“No. You are a fucking soldier, Danny, and I don’t want you to think otherwise. I don’t know the full extent of what went on between the two of you, and frankly, I know if you told me the whole story I would end up behind bars for killing a man. But what I do know is that you, Daniella Anderson, are one of the strongest women I know. All things considered, you are handling this better than most would.”
I turned in his arms and placed both my hands on his chest. Those three words that had lodged themselves in my throat bubbled up. Unlike last time, there was no fear. There was no reservation as I looked into his eyes under the moonlight streaming in from the window.
“I love you,” I said as if I were telling him a secret. The last person I had said those words to had broken my soul in more ways than I could count. Now, saying those words again, I was terrified, but I also knew that, unlike Arthur, Gavin would never hurt me in the same way.
Gavin’s eyes stared into mine, his mouth let out a low breath. I could see the joy dancing behind his green orbs that twinkled in the dark surroundings. He cupped my cheek with his hand, his thumb brushing up against my skin.
“Say it again,please.” His voice croaked at the end. He was staring at me like I was his entire world, and I couldn’t stop the tears. I had thought, after last night, I had nothing left in me, but it looks like I had tapped into my reserve supply.
“I love you, Gavin Hendricks,” I whispered.
“I have waited a long time to hear you say those words to me, Dan.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “Andfuck,it was worth the wait. I love you.”
He captured my lips in his and we got lost in one another. There was nothing overly sexual about this one. It was just a simple kiss, but it was filled with so much. It was all-consuming.
We pulled apart when we heard a little groan, and we were reminded of where we were. We stared at each other for a moment, letting out soft laughs.
“We should go,” I pecked his lips. I detached myself from his arms and leaned down to kiss my son’s head.
We walked out of Axel’s room hand in hand. The chaos that had been raging inside me had been calmed and now this insatiable need for Gavin had replaced it.
We had barely walked into the room, and Gavin had my back pressed against the wall. His mouth covered mine in a heated kiss. Our tongues moved together. I wanted to taste every last part of him. Gavin lifted me, circling my legs around his waist. I moaned into his mouth, the heat rising all throughout my body.
He pulled away only slightly to look into my eyes. “Fuck, you are gorgeous.”
“And you are incredible, Gavin Hendricks. I wish we could just escape from the world for a little while.”
Gavin kissed the side of my neck, sucking gently on my soft skin. I craned my neck to the side, giving him more access.
