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My brain fills with a panicked fog I can't see through. How am I going to get through all of this?
I have days to leave the house I grew up in. I'm not sad about leaving because this place doesn't hold the happiest of memories, but I have nowhere else to go.
Now here I am, sitting on the toilet with my head in my hands, trying to think of what the fuck I’m going to do now. There is no time to think, but I must do something now, or I will be homeless.
A knock pulls me out of my fog for a moment, followed by the soft gentle voice of Ava. “Mia, are you alright?”
I don’t answer. I know she would hear the lie if I say anything but the truth, so she continues to speak. “Logan told me you’ve been in the bathroom for a long time. Are you sick?”
I bite my lip for a moment to try to hold back any frustrated tears that want to leak out. Crying will not help me now. I drop my hands from my face and clasp them in front of me so tight that my knuckles are turning white before me. I say in the smallest voice that I’m not even sure Ava can hear from the other side of the door, “No.”
Silence meets me on the other side, but I know she is still there and that she knows something is wrong from that one word. I feel her concern from here, and I brace for it as she says, “I’m coming in.”
The door opens a crack, and she peeks her head through. I look up, and yes, I am met with concern. I love that she cares so much, but concern isn’t what I need right now. I need answers.
I give her a tight smile as she enters the room, closing the door carefully behind her. She approaches and squats down before me so that we are at eye level.
We hold each other’s gazes, neither of us knowing what to say before she places her small hand over my clasped hands. I let the warmth of her hand sink into me.
“What happened?”
I take a breath, trying to control each breath that goes in and leaves my body before I answer, my eyes focusing on our hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
She waits for me to elaborate.
I shrug again before finally looking up to meet her eyes, seeing love, compassion, and concern there. “If I lose this house, where will I go? What will I do? I have no idea what I’m going to do. I have applied for jobs and got rejected from each of them because I havenoexperience. I have never worked a day in my life, so no one will hire me, which means I can’t afford to pay for my own place to live. So I’m fucked. I wish I had more time.”
She squeezes my hand again, and I already know what she is going to say. “I’ve told you that you can stay with me.”
“You are a new mom with a family. I don’t wanna get between that.”
“You are my family, too.”
“I won’t do it. I’ll figure something out.”
I sigh in defeat, hanging my head as I try to search my brain for any semblance of a plan, and I come up with nothing.
Silence hangs between us before Ava suddenly suggests, “Let’s go out.”
I pop my head up to look at her with wide eyes, thinking I must have misheard her. “What?”
She rises to standing, letting go of my hands. “The house is pretty much done, Conner can go home in Logan’s car to relieve his parents of babysitting duty, and I”—she holds out her hand to me—“can go out with my best friend for some drinks.”
“You can’t drink, though,” I comment, and she shrugs.
“And? You can, and maybe that’s what you need. You are thinking too much and maybe some alcohol will help clear some of the fog, maybe help you find a solution.”
I level her with a look. “We both know that’s not how it works.”
“Well, what do you wanna do? Sit in here and mope because that ain’t gonna do anything for you right now.”
She was right. I wasn’t doing anything that was helping me at the moment, and even if it didn’t solve my problems, I knew some time with my best friend would be good in other ways.
She raises a brow in challenge, her hand still extended to me. “Well, you in?”
I give a defeated sigh, and the corners of her mouth tilt up when she watches victory unfold as I reach up and take her hand.
What have I got to lose now?
