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Every part of me wants to take away that sadness and show her how much I see her and that she is not alone here, so without a moment’s hesitation, I rise from my seat and walk over to where an acoustic guitar sits perched in the corner of the stage, neglected and forgotten. Picking it up, I walk back to Mia as she watches me with a question in her eyes, and plop myself down on a rickety chair propped off to the side.
It takes her a second to realise what I am doing, and at first, it takes a minute for me to get used to the feel of the guitar in my hands, the cold wood sending chills down my spine as I think of the last time I held one. Mikey was there just off stage and danced to the music, banging his head and throwing his hands up, a time before pain and loss.
I bite my lip and force myself to play, knowing just the right song to play for Mia, to communicate with her in a language I believe we both understand.
I start strumming, welcoming the bite of the strings on my skin as they effortlessly move over the neck of the guitar, letting the music fill the room under Mia’s watchful eyes.
You with the sad eyes,
I look up at Mia,showing her that I see her, and continue to play, holding her gaze.
Don’t be discouraged
Though I realise it’s hard to take courage
In a world full of people,
You can lose sight of it all
The darkness inside you can make you feel so small
Show me a smile then,
I nudgeher foot with my own, allowing my lips to tilt up in a small, teasing smile and though she doesn’t smile, her eyes do. So, I continue.
Don’t be unhappy
Can’t remember when I last saw you laughing
This world makes you crazy,
And you’re taking all you can bear
Just call me up 'cause I will always be there
I pausemy fingers for a moment as I see tears brim around Mia’s eyes, taking in my words and seeing my meaning in my own eyes. This is a language we both know and now she's seeing how much I see her and that I am here and not going anywhere.
She tightens her mouth, trying to will the tears not to fall, but one rolls down her cheek as she watches me, silence now descending over the room with only the sounds of our breaths breaking it up.
Her façade shakes as she sucks in a breath, nodding before saying so softly, I almost didn’t hear her. “I got your back too.”
We sit in silence for a bit longer, neither of us wanting to move, or for the moment to end. We sit long enough for Mia’s tears to dry up and for her to look at me, with a thoughtful expression with her eyes running over me, assessing.
She purses her lips in thought before asking, curiosity filling her voice, “Why did you give up music? Was it just Mikey?”
I suck in a breath, trying to think of how to answer this, and I shrug. “It was a part of it, but being in that world—” I shake my head to myself as I remember the high and adrenaline rush it was to be on stage with people you don’t know screaming your name and some singing your lyrics, but there was a darker side, a side that wasn’t worth it in my eyes. “Being in that world wasn’t what I imagined. Yeah, you got to play music and have people love it, but there were drugs and so many women that would try to trap and manipulate my bandmates and I. There was almost no one we could trust in the end. That wasn’t how I wanted to live.”
She nods, taking it in. “And your bandmates? What happened to them?”
“What happened to Mikey was hard for all of us. One of them did get trapped by one of those women and the other got onto drugs himself. After Mikey, he put himself into rehab. I haven’t heard from either of them, but the industry took a piece from each of us, and because of that, I don’t want any part of it.”
“But you still love it, the music.” Not a question, because she knows, she understands, and I nod.
“Yeah, but now it’s something I do for me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.” She shrugs, a playful twinkle in her eyes. “I wouldn’t mind if you played more, actually.”
She winks, and I chuckle, thankful for the lightened mood. “I’ll keep that mind, as long as you do the same.”
