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My sarcasm has her hauling in a sharp breath. “You don’t understand! Without you, I have no recourse, Luka. None. With no husband and no family, I would have no protection. And if youdidlet me stay in the realm, I’d end up a serving girl like Lorna, who’s on her back half the time.”
That catches me off guard.A serving girl? How on earth did she come up with that?
“I feel so stupid,” she goes on, her voice cracking. “For missing you, for loving you, for worrying about you every single hour that you were gone only to be brushed aside like a flea as soon as you returned.”
“I had things to take care of!” I roar at her.
“Things that involved me directly!” Her roar matches my own. “You could have spared me a moment of your time. You didn’t even check on me.”
I’d watched her closely on the ride here and she barely favored her shoulder. She’s fine . . . but I guess that’s not what she’s referring to. I’m lifting my hand to reach for her when she closes the gap between us and hits me, right in the middle of my chest. “And then,” she rants on, turning to pace away again. “You can’t even be bothered to mention we’re going away? As if I’m less than an afterthought.”
Stubborn, defiant, self-absorbed; they all fit her perfectly. “I am a man with many responsibilities. Catering to your needs does not rank among them.”
My gut clenches as something that might be described as devastation slowly crawls its way across her features. “So thisisthe end?”
“Infernal woman! This is not the end of anything! It’s the beginning.”
Her brittle laugh fills the cabin. “Oh, really? The beginning of what exactly?”
It finally comes to me. She’s not being contrary or stubborn. She actually doesn’t know what I’m talking about. How have I failed so utterly to convey everything she is to me? And looking upon her now, it’s obvious that Ihavefailed.
Chapter 23
Rina
The dam finally broke. All the worry while he was away in the Wolf Realm, the ordeal with Teo, and then the build-up of dread over the last day came pouring out of me.
The initial shame and self-loathing had almost crushed me when Luka left me in our room.Why hadn’t I gone with Bron?My miscalculation – my absolute error in judgment – had led to my complete humiliation in front of the entire realm. And worse, so much worse, it had forced the man I love to kill his own uncle. I was heartsick. I still am.
And being left alone had compounded everything.Had I ruined my chances at a life with him? Could he forgive me? Was he done with me?And still he didn’t come. In the past, he’d included me in the discussions about the letter and the savage incursion. But not this time. This time he’d cut me out entirely and I was truly afraid of what that meant.
This morning, when he’d crept from our bed without a word was the final blow to my confidence. I was sure all was lost and a kernel of resentment had begun to grow.Why couldn’t he just tell me what was going on?Then I’d sat through the executions with a ball of ice in my belly. Luka wouldn’t even look at me until it was all over.
Then, suddenly, according to him, all was well.
All was well?
Now, here I am, standing in front of my brooding barbarian. He’sdispleasedwith me and I’m . . . I’m slowly being emptied of my indignation. I’d never believed he was going to use the poleaxe on me, but my anger had pushed me to provoke him. I’d wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me. Petty, I know. But that horrible feeling of having no control over my own life that I’ve lived with for so long was rearing its ugly head with a vengeance. I just can’t live at the whims of others anymore. I just can’t.
And what is he saying now? This is not the end, it’s the beginning?
I laugh bitterly. “Oh, really? The beginning of what exactly?” Not at all sure I’m ready to hear the answer to that question, I go to the window and push the shutter further open. The view of the lake through the trees is lovely in the waning light. If only I could appreciate it more.
Behind me, I hear him back at the hearth, lighting the fire. With sudden melodramatic despondency, I imagine that every scrape of the flint is about to set fire to the life I had hoped to have with him, one in which I had a say . . . and I enjoyed his love and respect.
But isn’t any life with him better than losing him altogether?
Of course it is, I remind myself as I idly stroke the ultra-soft pelts of my new cloak. Kata had presented it to me this morning, tracing the word deve on my palm, so I would be sure to know who it was from. As if it could be from anyone else.
Once the flames are crackling, he comes up beside me and clears his throat. “Rina, I . . . I need to tell you something.” His Adam’s apple bobs and I feel my chest tighten.
“Okay.” My reply is barely audible.
“I know,” he begins, “that I haven’t given you much to believe in when it comes to us.” He shifts on his feet a bit before continuing. “But I want you to know that I . . . that I lo–”
He can’t quite get the word out, but my heart skips several beats anyway.Was he going to say ‘love’?
After an awkward pause, he changes tack. “Being away from you this past fortnight, I . . . well, you said you missed me, and I missed you too.”
