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He’s missing the point of course. But I imagine it would be liberating to live life as the strongest member of a pack. Something I would know nothing about . . . which has me thinking.How does a woman survive here?I suppose she depends on her family if she has one. And if she doesn’t? “So, here in the Realms, how does marriage work?”
His brows pull down in confusion.
“I mean, are spouses here expected to support and protect one another like in D’heilar?”
“Believe it or not,” he intones derisively, “barbarianis not a word we apply to ourselves.”
I shrink back slightly, taking his statement to mean thatspousehas the same meaning on both sides of the river. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend you. I only want to understand.”
“Understand what? Speak plainly.” His mood is rapidly deteriorating.
“It’s just,” . . . I’m nervous now, but I press on if for no other reasons than to soothe my sanity and plan for my future if I have one. “I wonder if you would have preferred it if I hadn’t fought back against Carson. If I had let him violate me.”
“What?!”
If I hadn’t offended him before, I have now, but this has been weighing heavily on me. “I get the impression that all these problems could have been avoided if I’d let him have his way. At the time, I couldn’t havenotfought back, but . . . I just wonder about it. After it happened, I held on so tightly to the idea that you would approve of my fighting, but –”
“How would you know what I approve of?” he spits, standing to reveal his powerful shoulders, anger vibrating from every inch of him.
“Of course,” I say quickly, backing up and lowering my gaze in an attempt to appease him. “You’re right. I couldn’t know that.”
My heart racing, I try to pretend I’m not afraid I’ve severed the tether that holds back his temper. Relief washes over me when, from my periphery, I see him ease back into the water. I bob around for a bit and realize that I may never get another chance to ask my questions, so I risk poking the bear anew. “I ask because –”
“I don’t care why you ask,” he growls, raking his palms down his face.
I sigh. “Will you not allow me one more question? Please?” Not that he’s answered any of the others.
“Fine. But this is the last one.”
I dip my head in thanks. “I ask because Yvette told me she cannot come to the stronghold after dark. And she has no husband. Is it not safe for women in general or is it because she has no one to protect her?”
“How should I know?” he grits out, glaring daggers at me. “I’m not a woman, am I?”
It’s my temper that flares now. “You’re being purposefully obtuse. You know what I mean and why I ask. I know you don’t want me anymore, but perhaps –”
“Ineverwanted you.”
It shouldn’t hurt. I can’t imagine any man, let alone one of his standing, would welcome a woman being foisted upon him, especially one like myself. But regardless, his words lance right into the parts of me that keep the loneliness at bay and allow the pain to spill free.
Realizing that the heat is becoming too much for me after my horrific night, I hurry to finish cleaning myself, lifting my feet to get in between my toes, swiping a hand between my legs and under my armpits. My fingertips are exploring the tender edges of the bite mark when he brings me back into the present.
“Perhaps what?”
“Pardon?”
“Before.” His eyes shift away from me before coming back hard and steely. “You said perhaps . . . something?”
“Oh.” Feeling raw and exposed, I consider not marshalling the emotional energy needed to answer him, but in the end, I acquiesce. “I was going to ask if perhaps there would be a place for me here, under your rule, when all is said and done. Maybe a farmer who needs a wife or –”
He scoffs loudly and with so much scorn that I rub at my chest as if to soothe the invisible wound he’s already inflicted.
“I can work,” I tell him seriously.
“Don’t make me laugh,princess.”
I should have known better. I have lived under a cursed sky my entire life. Why would this northern version be any different? Slowly, my heart heavy, I move to the pool’s edge and climb out. The filthy linen shirt I’ve been wearing for the past thirteen days sits in a heap against the rocks and the thought of putting it back on is more than I can bear.
A cold, wet nudge at my hand doesn’t even startle me. The deve has all but admitted that I will not survive this, effectively draining every ounce of self-preservation left in me. So I let the wolf lick at my fingers. It tickles and I smile down at her mournfully. If I pretend she’s a dog, she’s really not so scary.
