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Morag felt flustered, and also very confused. She’d come here to learn a skill from the old woman and, instead, she got nothing but silly games and lots of questions.
“I think ye should tell me what to do and who to marry.”
“I think you need to be a willing student if you are going to learn anything. Do not tell me what to do.”
“I’m sorry,” she said for a second time, disappointed that this wasn’t going the way she thought it would.
“If loving the man you are to marry truly doesn’t matter to you, then why don’t you marry Sir Bedivere?”
Morag’s heart skipped a beat. “Do ye think I should? Do ye think he’d want me?”
“Do you want him?”
“I – I dinna ken. I suppose so.”
“Do you even know the man?”
“What is there to ken? I hear he is rich and that he is good with weapons and would be able to protect me.”
“Mayhap so, but then again, how do you know what you hear is true? And do you want to marry an Englishman rather than a Scot the way your father wants you to?”
Morag thought about it for a moment, considering the consequences. “My faither doesna care what I want so I will do whatever I please. And I ken these things about Sir Bedivere are true because Lady Ernestine told me so.”
“Well, who told her?”
“I – I am no’ sure. Does it matter?”
“Your first lesson, Morag, is to listen to your inner instincts and not just accept everything you hear as the truth.”
“But if everyone kens this, it must be true.”
“Isn’t that how gossip gets started?”
“I am no’ sure.”
“When you tell others what you hear, how do you know that the things you’ve learned are the truth and not just speculation?”
Morag stood up and leaned her elbows on the gate of the stall. She had never been asked this before and didn’t know how to answer. “I suppose I dinna ken for sure.”
“Then, once again, find out answers for yourself and turn a deaf ear to things that might be naught but idle gossip.”
“So, I shouldna believe what I hear from others?”
“Can you trust the sources from which you are hearing these things?”
“Mazelina, my head is spinnin’. I am so confused. I didna expect ye to ask me so many questions.” The old woman’s behavior truly shook Morag’s nerves. She had never expected her mentoring to be so hard. She didn’t understand it.
“Isn’t it exasperating when someone asks so many questions?” The old woman actually smiled when she said it. That made Morag realize she was making a reference to her and Morag didn’t like it.
“I think I’d better get back to the castle before Branton realizes I’m gone and he comes lookin’ for me.” She hurriedly got to her feet, no longer wanting to be there.
“Will you be back?” asked the old woman.
Morag stopped at the stable door feeling dizzy from all the confusion in her head. Part of her no longer wanted to return. But she knew if she didn’t, she would never be able to earn her position in the group. That, she decided, was something she wanted more than anything, no matter how hard it was to attain. “Aye,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll be back. But when I return, will ye teach me somethin’ I can use next time?”
“Haven’t I taught you something already?”
Feeling exasperated by another question, Morag pushed a lock of her long hair behind her ear and shook her head. “Perhaps I need to return to the castle to think about this for a while.”
Morag left Mazelina and the secret garden, wishing her mentoring had been something physical like Maira’s training in fighting. Or, mayhap, even fun, like Willow’s flirting with men to get them to do what she wanted. Right now, she would even welcome training on being able to read people’s actions like Fia was able to do. Mayhap then Morag would understand the strange, old woman who seemed to have no emotions, asked a lot of questions, and who didn’t want to be hugged at all.
Was Morag really being mentored to be a true member of the Followers of the Secret Heart? And would she, in the end, do something important or life changing like the other girls had? She wanted to believe she would, but it didn’t seem probable or even possible at this point.
She rode back to the castle feeling let down and very shaken. Mayhap, she was never meant to be a true member of this secret group after all.
