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Pen:Hi, babe.
Me:Hey, girlie. Now, advice.
Pen:Elena isn’t so different from you.
Me:What did I do to you to make you hate me this way?
Pen:I’m serious! She’s fiercely loyal, tough as nails, kinda scary, and wicked smart. Like you, Hells.
Me:Ugh.
Pen:Love you, babe, but she’s the other side of your coin.
Me:All right. Done with that line of convo. I need help.
Pen:Anything. BTW, Gabe’s here reading over my shoulder. He’s still dying that you and El are roommates.
Me:Tell Gabe to go fuck himself.
Pen:I would never! (he says to tell you he loves you endlessly)
Me:Ugh, same. Anyway, the help I need is how do I stop fighting?
Pen:Explain.
Me:There’s a guy. Our lips keep touching. And every fucking time, I push him away. I don’t even know if I want to push him away, but I can’t stop doing it.
Pen:This is Gabe. You kissed a boy?!?!?
Me:Give Pen the phone back. Adults are speaking!
Gabe:Nope. You don’t need to be nice, boo. If the dude is a real man, he wants you, he’ll keep coming back. He gets scared by a little bitchy attitude, he’s a pencil dick. My Pen was a bitchy angel to me, but she let me touch her legs, so it didn’t deter me. I liked the abuse.
Laughing, I dropped my phone on my stomach. No one was like Gabriel fucking Fuller. Just then, I was homesick for the days we skinned our knees in the skate park, stole money from our parents to buy popsicles from the ice cream man, and generally wreaked havoc around Savage River together. I was glad he and Pen had gotten out and were living the good life, but I missed the hell out of my boy.
Me:There’s wisdom somewhere in that insanity. I know there is.
Gabe:Damn straight, Hells. Am I gonna meet this boy next weekend?
Me:Next weekend? What?!?
Gabe:Wouldn’t miss my girl’s birthday. Me and Pen, Bash and Grace, Bex and Ash—we’re all coming to SR. Gonna flip the bird to your teen years, boo. Now, I repeat, will I be meeting pencil dick?
Me:Ahhh! What?? I’m so excited. Also, no. No meeting the boy, dick size yet to be determined. I don’t even know how I feel about him. He’s got complications.
Gabe:Aw, you’re no fun.
Pen:I got my phone back. Ignore Gabe. If you think the guy is safe, maybe try to have one conversation without fighting and see how it feels. If he doesn’t make you feel safe, then ditch him, Hells. You’re too rad to waste time with unworthy boys.
Me:K. Sound advice. I’ll try. Thanks for being a real one, Penelope. Kick Gabe’s shins for me.
Pen:Never. Love you, girlie.
Me:Love you too.
I tossed my phone aside and sipped my soda. A whole conversation without fighting? Theo and I hadn’t had one of those. I shouldn’t have been contemplating it. He had a girl who clearly wasn’t over him. A girl who matched his golden-god status.
Complicated.
But I hadn’t kissed anyone in a year and a half. There was something about Theo that had made me break my fast. Something beyond his hotness. It was still up in the air what it was.
Tomorrow, I’d be nice to Theo, then we’d see.
