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“Maybe I don’t want to get real.” But even as I said it, I stroked his hair, feeling myself sinking into this very real moment.
“Yeah, you do. But you’re like me. Hard because you had to be. I’m telling you right now, you don’t have to be hard with me. When you give me soft Helen, I feel like I’ve uncovered a treasure. I want to huddle around it like Gollum.”
“My precious,” I murmured, fighting a grin.
“Mmhmm.” He lifted his head to peer at me. “This thing between you and me didn’t go where I thought it would.”
“Where’d you think it would go? Did you think we’d be having Bible study?”
His mouth curled at the corners. “Oh, I had no doubt we’d be fucking a lot. I think I thought it’d burn hot and fast and we’d be done with each other.”
“And now?”
“Now, I’m spilling my secrets and inner thoughts after having a pizza and movie night with your little sister and roommate.”
I scratched at his scalp, allowing myself a smug grin. “And snuggling.”
“Yeah.” He cocked his head, leaning into my palm. “What’s up with that? Helen Ortega snuggles?”
I yanked his head down, and he fitted it under my chin, resting his cheek on my breast. I knew better than to bask in this, but I did. People didn’t hug girls like me. They sure as hell didn’t lie with me, fully clothed, and wrap themselves around me. So, I closed my eyes, took in Theo’s heat, his scent, the feel of him, and committed it to memory for when he went away—which he’d just finished telling me he would. It would have been easier to let him walk if I hadn’t known what this felt like, but that ship had sailed. This was all I had.
“I didn’t. You’ve ruined me.”
His hand came up to cup my cheek. “I really fucking hope not. I like you exactly like this.”
I stiffened all over. “Don’t say things like that to me.”
He raised his head again, glowing eyes darting back and forth between mine in the dark. “Do you have any idea how stunningly beautiful you are? I find it hard to believe no one has gotten past your spikes to give you what you deserve.”
My nose tingled, and something deep inside me twisted in knots. “The only men who’ve gotten past did it by force.”
“Tiger,” he breathed. “Fuck.”
I found myself stroking his tight jaw, comforting him from the ugliness of my admission. I hadn’t really meant to say it, but there was something about being in the dark with Theo that had let it slip past my lips far too easily.
“You knew.” My fingers trailed down his throat. “If you grew up the way I did, you can’t be surprised.”
“I had an idea. An idea and the truth are two separate things.” He stilled, looking down at me. “Give me names.”
“No.” I would have never sent him to fight my battles, but why did it feel so good that he might’ve wanted to? “It’s over and done with. The last guy who touched me wrong got the shit beat out of him by my boys and then he died in a car accident last fall. But if you’re wondering why I am the way I am, why I have a bat next to my bed and chase boys out of my shop when they corner me, now you know. No one’s getting past my spikes unless I invite them. Not ever again.”
He stayed like that, watching me, jaw tight, shoulders bunched, for several long moments. I didn’t know what he’d say, or how he’d react, but when he exhaled a ragged breath and lay back down on me, pulling me tight into his body, I was taken by surprise. I guess I half expected him to brush me off and tell me I was too much for a casual fuck buddy.
“I know you can fight your own battles, Tiger. I’ve seen you in all your warrior glory, taking vengeance on my car. What I hope for you, is when you let someone past those spikes, they’re the kind of man who’ll be shoulder to shoulder with you in battle, and when push comes to shove, they’ll step in front of you and take the brunt of it.” I started to protest, but he covered my mouth with his fingertips. “Don’t argue with me, baby. That's what I want for you. You don’t need to say anything back.”
We quieted then, turning on another movie to fill the dead air. Theo fell asleep like that, and I was close to following when a sudden thought jerked me away from unconsciousness.
I’d spilled my guts yet again, while Theo had only given the smallest piece of himself. Pretty soon, he’d own all of me, and I’d still be right here, empty-handed.
My thoughts were still coalescing when the door swung open and Elena stumbled into the room, followed by a tall, lanky guy draped all over her. She flicked the light on, momentarily blinding me. Theo didn’t even stir.
“Oh no, my roommate is here with her little bubble-butt boyfriend,” Elena slurred, knocking her head back on her man’s chest. My horrified gaze jerked to his face, and when I recognized him, my stomach churned.
“Theo?” Daniel hissed. “He’s withher?”
“Mmhmm,” Elena confirmed. “Those two have been boning like bunnies for weeks. It’s so disgusting.”
“Turn off the light,” I barked.
“Get a room, bitch,” Elena responded. “And stop faking it so loud. Some of us don’t want to hear your fake ‘I’m coming’ cry.” Then she flipped off the light and dragged dirty Daniel to her room, shutting the door tight behind them.
That didn’t stop me from hearingherfake moans a few minutes later. Fortunately, after years of living in a tiny space with paper-thin walls with a mother who went looking for love in all the wrong places, I’d become adept at tuning out sounds I really didn’t want to hear.
I should have woken Theo up and sent him home, especially with Luc sleeping in my bed. But I really didn’t want to. Not with how good it felt to be held by him and how sweet the rise and fall of his chest was against mine. So, I let him stay, and I did what I’d been doing with him all along:
I fell.
