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Julien pulled up to the curb in front of my dorm, and I hopped out as soon as it stopped moving, calling my thanks over my shoulder. When I started for the stairs, Amir was there in front of me, his arms folded across his chest.
“You okay?” He was gruff about it, but the fact he was asking took me aback.
I tucked my hair behind my ear. “I’m fine.”
“I get jacked after fights. I had no business putting my hands on you.” His midnight eyes gleamed, but there was no apology there.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay.” He rocked back on his heels. “Go inside, Zadie.”
“Good night, Amir.”
It wasn’t until I was walking down the hall to my room that I finally took a full breath. I was okay. Amir had manhandled me and scared me, but he hadn’t hurt me. I was whole and unharmed. My lungs inflated a little more with each affirmation I told myself.
They shriveled to dust when I got to my door and there were flowers and a note waiting for me.
“No, no, no,” I hissed. “Not tonight.”
With shaking hands, I scooped up the folded paper and twin daisies, taking them inside. Given it was Saturday night, Elena was out making trouble somewhere, and Helen was off with Theo, so I was alone. And for once, I was relieved.
I shoved the flowers deep in the kitchen trash can and took the note to my room. My hands were still trembling when I unfolded it.
Pretty girl, pretty girl
Won’t you give me a whirl
You look right through me
But I’m determined for you to see
I can be the man for you
if you ditch the one you’re talking to
D
With a strangled sob, I tucked the note in my drawer and threw myself face down on my bed. Why? Why did I have to be the one he fixated on? Couldn’t he have found someone else?
I could’ve pinched myself for thinking that. I’d never want anyone else to go through what I did for the year Drew stalked me. These poems were child's play compared to the cow’s heart speared with a kitchen knife he’d left on my doorstep. Or the time I’d tried to go on a date and he’d slashed the guy’s tires. It was nothing compared to him showing up on my porch over and over and over until my mom wanted to move, my dad, the hippy pacifist, looked into buying a gun, and I turned so far inward, it took me another year to open up again.
I refused to curl up like a scared animal again. That was why I was with Amir. That was why I’d go back, even after tonight. I might not be a scared animal, but I was his pet, and for better or worse, he wanted me, so he’d keep me safe.
Amir held me as he tasted me. The first swipe of his tongue between my legs sent me to another plane. I should have been shy with him, but I was someone else. We were somewhere else, where only this bed and our bodies existed.
I touched his hair, and he growled, licking me even deeper, showing me in no uncertain terms how much he liked it. My fingers threaded through the soft spikes of black jutting from his scalp. His fingers dug into my thighs and ass, holding me open.
I should have said no one had ever done this to me before, but I thought he probably knew. He planted his tongue in my entrance, and it felt like he was planting his flag, claiming me as his.
I came so hard, stars flashed behind my eyelids. And then Amir was on me, holding me against his chest, nuzzling my neck, murmuring how beautiful and sexy and delicious I was. The exact right things I needed to hear after allowing myself to be so vulnerable with him.
His erection dug into my hip. I slid my hand down, pressing my palm against the bulge. He groaned into my throat, rocking his hips into my hand.
“I want you, Zadie.” He cupped my throat, propping himself up so he could peer down at me.
“I want you too.” I reached up to stroke the dark stubble on his cheeks.
He leaned into my hand, letting his eyelids fall halfway closed. “Let me feel you from the inside. Show me if your cunt is as soft and warm as the rest of you.”
