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Chapter Thirty
Lock
Icrossedthegrassbetween our houses, the condensation from Elena’s coffee cup dripping down my fingers. I’d taken my time getting back here with it.
Hearing my boots crunching the dead grass, Elena folded her newspaper, revealing her black nightgown. I knew that one. It was made from the softest cotton and slid over her body like a second skin.
Fuck.
I hated that I had to do this. But I’d let it carry on too long. I hadn’t been thinking of her feelings when I hadn’t ended this before we got too deep. That had been all me. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with Elena, and I couldn’t convince myself to let her go, even though there was no question I had to. It was all because of my greed for her, my own selfishness.
She was mine, but I couldn’t keep her. It wouldn’t be right. I’d ruin us both if I tried.
“Good morning,” she chirped. “Is that for me?”
“It is.” I climbed onto the deck and set the coffee down in front of her. Bending over, I cupped her nape, drawing her mouth to mine. She gripped my shirt, making a high, almost keening sound as I kissed her long and deep for the last time. Fuck, I just needed to memorize this, to take some of this sweet with me. After today, this morning, I wasn’t going to get any more of it. Not even a taste.
Settling into the seat across from her, I waited for my heart to stop thundering. My stomach was sick, filled with dread. I was doing the right thing. I knew that. I didn’t want to, but there was no choice. Not for her. Not for me.
“How was your mom?”
I hadn’t seen her since I’d dropped her off on her porch yesterday. I’d been dealing with my family turmoil, making long phone calls to my mom and dad. Reality had hit me square in the face.
She sighed. “She was in bed when I got there. It took me half the day to coax her out. My dad didn’t answer my calls for hours. He had no idea his wife was wasting her day away. She wouldn’t say, but I’m pretty sure she spent Friday in bed too. Naturally, I’m worried, and I’m pissed my dad isn’t paying attention.”
“Did he come home when you called?”
“Yes, he did.” She drew shapes in the condensation coating her cup with her fingertip. “By the time he was home, she had rallied. She’s good at faking it.”
“I’m sorry.”
She shrugged, turning to me. She brought her feet up to my legs, resting them on my thighs. “I’m used to it. Nothing changes.”
It was time. I was putting this off because I didn’t want to do it but I had to.
Elena rubbed her feet along my thighs, giving me an easy kind of smile I’d never get again from her. “What should we do today? Can we go to the burger place? Or to see the tide pools? I’m going to be so busy the next two weeks getting ready for my New Ventures presentation, we need to make today count.”
My fingers circled her delicate ankles, stilling her movements. This was it.
“We have to talk, Ellie.”
Her hand flew to her braid, holding on to it like a rope. Her feet dropped to the ground. “I thought weweretalking.”
“About us. This thing we’re doing. It’s been fun. Great, actually. But it’s time. I’m calling it.”
Fire burned low in my gut. The right thing didn’t always feel good, but that didn’t make it any less right. I had to keep reminding myself of that. This was for her. To save her from more pain. To not add another wound. This was for Elena.
“Speak clearly,” she intoned. “Say exactly what you mean, Lock.”
I wanted to correct her, to tell her it was Lachlan, but I was giving up that right, and it pissed me off. Not at her, but at the impossible circumstances. My anger and frustration over it all made my next words come out harsher than intended.
“I said from the beginning what I wanted and didn’t want. I was up front with you. It shouldn’t come as a surprise. This was only supposed to be fun, short term. That’s what we said. I’m standing by our agreement.”
“You were supposed to warn me.” She folded her arms over her chest. “You promised you’d warn me. You said I wouldn’t be blindsided. You lied to me.”
I shook my head. My mouth opened, but no sound came out. She was right. Exactly right. But things had changed so rapidly, I had to do it now.
“You’re right. I messed up. But this”—I gestured back and forth between us—“I don’t want this. It’s going past the point of what I’m looking for…what I told you from the beginning I was looking for.”
