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Alex whipped open the door and tugged me inside. I yanked my arm back from him and jabbed an accusatory finger. “You! You ruined me.”
He held his hands up. “What? What’s happening?”
“What did yousay, Alex?”
His eyes were wide and alert. That it was three in the morning and he was awake told me he’d been waiting for this—for me. He’d set this course, and there would be no going back.
“I don’t know.” He tried to touch me, to calm me, but like hell I wanted to be calmed. I practically hissed at him.
“Don’t lie. I left the party and you took it upon yourself to destroy me.”
He sagged, his breath whooshing out of him. “Fuck, did he hurt you?”
“No!” I screamed. “You hurt me!”
“Yael,” he walked toward me again, “you have to calm down. Someone’s going to call security.”
“Who cares?” Bugs crawled under my skin. I’d lost the plot completely. There was no way I could rein in my feelings, not anymore. “What did you say to Harris to get him to show up at my apartment an hour after I left the party and unceremoniously dump me?”
Alex crossed his arms over his chest, his brow drawn. “I told him the truth.”
“What truth? Your truth?” I threw my arms up, almost blind with rage. “Why would you think it’s your place to get involved inmyrelationship?”
“I got involved the second you texted me—and only me—to come to your art show. I got involved when I kissed you and you kissed me back. Damn it, Yael. I fucking care. And if hearing the truth about you sends your boyfriend—and I heavily emphasizeboy—running scared, then he wasn’t for you. He never was, and I’m pretty damn positive you know that.”
“Shut up.” My jaw ached from how hard I clenched it. “Did you think I’d want you after this? Did you?”
“No.” He sounded far too calm, which only made me more ragey. “No, I know you don’t want me. The thing is, I care about you way too fuckin’ much to watch you toss your life away on...on a tosser.”
My face went hot, and my knees could have been made of liquid, that was how steady they were under me.
“Your way of caring sounds an awful lot like control.” I pressed my hands to my hot cheeks, mewling from the pain in my chest. “I hate you, Alex. I really hate you.”
His eyes met mine, shiny with tears. “I kinda hate you too, Yael. Doesn’t mean I don’t want what’s best for you, which means I’d never want you to be someone you’re not.”
My mouth quivered as his words shot through my heart. The way he cared for me and hated me tore me up in equal measures.
“I get to choose who I am!” I rasped. “I chose Harris—and you took that from me.”
He shook his head again and again. “No. I didn’t take anything from you. I would never take from you. I would give you every fucking thing if I could, but I’d never take.”
“You aren’t my white knight. You’re the villain here.” I swiped a tear from my cheek. “Don’t you see that?”
“You wanna make me the villain, have at it. But just know, your boy left you when all I did was ask him if he’d seen the art you were working on lately and showed him the write-up from your showing. I didn’t tell him that we kissed in the bathroom. I didn’t tell him about your texts. Or the closet at the gallery. None of it.”
“You’re a liar. He knew we were together at the party.” Harris hadn’t said anything about us kissing, but he’d implied it.Or had he? Everything was such a fucking blur, I couldn’t be sure now.
“I didn’t say anything about it.” His mouth pressed into a firm line, and the muscles in his arms twitched. “Hate me, Yael. Hate me. But for the love of fucking god, do not throw away your life for someone who isn’t worth it.”
I sagged and stumbled back against the door. Harris hadn’t told me what Alex had said, just that the trust between us had been broken and he couldn’t look at me anymore. I’d assumed Alex had told him about our kiss...kisses.
Now, I didn’t know what to do or think or feel. I just knew I couldn’t breathe, and if I had to look at Alex Murray one more second, I’d scream this hotel to the ground.
“Stay out of my life, Alex.” I pointed to my chest, then his. “This is all we’ll ever be. If you touch me again, I’ll tell Mo, and then you’ll know what it’s like to lose.”
As I tugged open the door, he murmured, “I already do,” but I had nothing left to say, so I let his words float away in the air.
I was done with Alex Murray.
We’d never be friends.
We’d never be anything.
