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“Did Jude tell you when he’s coming back?”
I paused, a T-shirt wrapped around my hand. “No, he doesn’t know.”
“Heiscoming back, though, right?”
“Why would you ask that?”
Tino heaved a long sigh. “The guys aren’t renewing their lease on their house. It ends in May, but they already let me know they’re moving out. I wanted to make sure he told you that.”
“He didn’t,” I whispered. “When did they let you know?”
“Before you left for New York. I didn’t want to bring it up in case he planned to tell you in person. It might not mean anything, and he’s always welcome to stay here, you know that. I just...I thought you should know.”
A vise cranked inside my chest, squeezing my heart. “Okay. Thank you.”
He waited a minute, to see if I had anything else to say, but I had been stunned mute. After he left, I finished unpacking, willing my lungs to allow me to breathe.
I took out my phone to call Jude. It was late, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I talked to him.
“Stripes,” he answered, slurring a little. “Hang on, gotta get somewhere quiet.” Music and voices filtered through the phone, as well as rustling fabric, and finally, a door clicking shut. “All right. Didn’t expect to hear from you tonight.”
“Jude, Tino just told me you’re not renewing your lease on your house. Is that true?”
“Hmmm…? Yeah, fuck, Sev did that. Said it didn’t make sense to keep paying for a house we weren’t living in.”
I knew the sound of his voice better than my own, so I recognized when he was stoned. I should’ve waited to have this conversation when he was sober, but I couldn’t.
“Were you not going to tell me you don’t live here anymore?” I sank down on my bed, so very weary from all this.
“Yeah, of course. It’s weird, ’cause I guess I feel like I don’t live anywhere anymore. This isn’t home, and that shitty rental wasn’t really home either.”
“I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, but I’m feeling like you kept something big from me—again.”
“No, Tali, baby. No, no. After the record, we’ve got Swerve, then I’ll be back, and we’ll get a place together. My home is wherever you are.”
Months. He was talking months of this back and forth. I was worn down just from the thought of it.
“I’ve been so understanding, but you can’t do this to me, Jude. We tell the truth or we’re nothing.”
“You’ve been amazing. Love of my life, best girlfriend ever. I didn’t think about how it’d make you feel to find out about the lease. I guess, in my mind, I was always coming back to your bed, so it didn’t matter if I had an official address down there.”
“I hate talking to you when you’re high.” I hated that hewashigh. As far as I knew, he only smoked weed anymore, which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn’t a big deal to me, but after the cocaine incident, I was wary.
“I know, but I love you. No one else. Remember, you’re my home. Bricks and drywall mean shit.”
“Okay.” What else could I say? The part of me clinging hard and fast to our love was chipping away. “I love you too. Let’s talk tomorrow.”
“Wish I could hold you.”
“Me too.”
We were silent for a minute, breathing, listening. I broke first. “Bye, Jude.”
“Goodnight, Stripes.”
Hanging up the phone, I pounded my fists into the mattress, frustrated and sad…and also resigned. We would make it through this. We had to.
