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“Where’s your girlfriend?” I asked.
“Why do you keep asking? You already told me you’re not interested.”
“Because we’re lying in my bed and slept together all night. I’m sort of starting to feel guilty.”
He reached out, brushing his fingertips against my cheek. “Nothin’ to feel guilty about. She’s back home in Virginia. She’s a girl I never took the time to fall in love with and haven’t seen in over a month.”
“But she’s waiting for you?” My voice shook.
He tipped his chin, inhaling slowly. “She is. And I’m not a cheater. My intentions right now might be questionable, but I won’t cross the line, not until I talk to her.”
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, willing my jaw to keep from quivering. “Don’t do anything for me, Jude. It’s not going to be that way between us.”
He gripped my chin between his fingers, locking me down with his eyes. “I disagree. Tell me you don’t feel this.”
I did. God, I did. From the very second our eyes met in the elevator. But I was a month into college, and Jude was a guy who’d lay in bed with a girl, telling her all kinds of sweet things, while having a girlfriend at home.
He was the exact type I wanted to avoid. That he made my heart beat in a whole new rhythm was irrelevant.
I sat up, putting some distance between us. “I’m not…” I shook my head.
Jude sat up too, his mouth curving into a frown. “It’s fine. I get it. I’m not the guy you bet on. But I really fucking like you, and I want you to remember that when you’re doing your thing this year.”
“I like you too, but I don’t know you...and the girlfriend thing...it doesn’t matter. I mean, it does. I’m all about women supporting women, and I’dnevergo after another girl’s man.”
He let out a short laugh. “I wouldn’t say you’ve gone after me. More like rejected me at every turn, even when I wasn’t actually offering anything.”
I winced. “Wow, I sound like a real winner.”
“Come on. I’m just trying to say you’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve been clear. It’s me who can’t get you out of my head.”
A heavy breath escaped my lips. “I can’t either,” I confessed.
With sudden movement, Jude pulled me closer, our knees pressing together.
“Here’s the thing: I’m not going to kiss you right now, even though I think we both really need it. Because when I kiss you, it’s going to be the start of something big. Something monumental. And I’m not starting that with you until I’m free and you’re all the way in.”
My stomach twisted and turned at the enticing promises spilling from his mouth. If he’d kissed me at that very second, I would have kissed him back. I would have hated myself for it, but I would have done it.
“I’ll be your friend, Jude. And I’ll help your band, but that’s all I can offer.”
He picked up a strand of my hair and wove it between his fingers, connecting us for the briefest moment before letting it drop. “You don’t have to help my band.”
“Iwantto. And I think I can. Let me, okay?”
He picked up my hair again, twirling it around his fingers. “Sure. If that’s what you want.” His eyes lifted to mine. “I’m gonna go. Am I going to see you, or are you going to disappear again?”
“I never disappeared. Told you, I’m super nerdy about school. I don’t go out during the week, and sometimes not on weekends either. But I’m sure you’ll see me.”
He turned his eyes back to the hair around his fingers. “Then I look forward to the day you throw caution to the wind again.”
Dropping my hair, he unfolded himself from my bed and stood. “Come here.”
“Why?”
“’Cause I want to hug you, but now you’re sort of ruining it.”
Laughing softly, I got up. “Here I am.”
