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We found coffee at the next stall, then snagged a coveted bench near the source of the music. A young man with a small amp played guitar and sang a Beatles song.
“He’s pretty good,” Jude said.
“He is.” I watched him for another moment while I took my first sip of coffee. “If we weren’t in another country and I still worked in A&R, I’d give him my card.”
We spread the pastries between us, and because I wasn’t an asshole, I shared with Jude. We took turns taking bites of all we’d bought.
“I don’t really know what apuddingbrezelis, but I’m gonna need to know where I can get one when we go back to the states,” Jude said, popping another bite into his mouth.
“There are German bakeries in most big cities, but there’s nothing like eating anapfelunder the morning sun in Berlin. I’m fairly certain the location makes it that much more delicious.”
Jude grunted, then ate the last piece of myschnecken,so I had to guard my berry pastry with my life.
I hadn’t intended on eating everything, but apparently today my stomach was just as big as my eyes. We managed to demolish everything, down to the strawberries.
I leaned back on the bench, rubbing my belly. “I need to walk five miles so that doesn’t go straight to my ass, but I mostly feel like taking a nap right now.”
“Your ass is perfect. A couple pastries won’t hurt it.”
“The last time you saw me naked, I was twenty-four. Times have changed.”
I knew I still looked good, but I’d added curves to my figure that hadn’t been there ten years ago. My hip bones no longer jutted out, and my stomach certainly wasn’t perfectly flat—but I was okay with that. I liked my fuller hips and ass most days. But a small, annoying part of me wondered how Jude saw me when he’d been attracted to the younger, thinner, firmer version of me.
Not that it mattered what he thought.
“Is this where I say you’re just as beautiful as I remember?” His eyes trailed along the planes of my face. “Even more beautiful.”
It may not have mattered what he thought, but pleasure bloomed in my chest at his words.
“No, this isn’t where you say that. I was only trying to say I’m not as young as I used to be.”
“Thank god for that. I’d never be twenty-four again. Would you?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. I had a hell of a lot of fun that year, even while I was working. I think I went to at least a hundred shows. Isn’t that crazy?”
“Crazy, yeah, but since I performed around that many, I get it.”
I shook my head. “I guess there’s a reason youth is reserved for the young. Going out like that would probably kill me these days.”
“You’ve given up your wild days?” he asked.
I bit my lip and took him in from behind my sunglasses. The sun shined at just the right angle, reflecting off the black of his hair and the few silver strands that now wove through the sides. My chest ached to be sitting there with him, speaking like old friends. We’d been friends, sure, but our love and passion had been the forefront of our relationship. This...this felt different.
But that was a good thing.
“I might have a wild day or two left in me, but for the most part, my party shoes have been hung up.”
He sighed, rubbing his palms on his jeans. “You’re probably gonna be pissed at me saying this, but I’m gonna say it anyway. It fucking wrecks me that we’re sitting here, talking about our twenties like we’re strangers comparing notes. We should have been together those years. We should be sitting here, reminiscing over shared memories, but all we have are separate lives.”
“Jude…”
Hadn’t I just been thinking something similar?
“I know. You don’t want to talk about it. I get it, Tali. I do. I just couldn’t sit here and not say anything.” He tapped his chest. “My heart is going crazy right now.”
Tipping my head toward the sun, I let it warm my face. “I’m not pissed, but I can’t look back at every memory and say ‘Jude should have been there with me.’ Maybe you would have been, if Ben had lived, but maybe not. I don’t know, and I don’t want to undo my life. I’ve beenhappymore days than not. I’ve done everything I ever planned.”
His eyes never strayed from my face, even when the guitarist launched into a German rendition of “Yesterday.”
